Rough draft in need of some feedback!

[jarchie]

Please let me know if I am on the right track with this! It's a work in progress but I would appreciate any and all advice/suggestions. Thanks all!

 

 

 

Like a snow globe, I felt my snow flakes sitting on the bottom of the glass, waiting for a shake. I had recently quit my job working in sales in search of finding what would fulfill me. Where I found myself was on a bus with 10 other like-minded individuals, in rural Mexico. Our destination was a tiny village where running water and electricity were unheard of, let alone access to basic health care. We arrived at the church where we would be setting up our clinic and about 50 or so locals had already lined up and were patiently awaiting our arrival. I couldn’t help but notice one boy being cradled by his mother. Too big to be in his mother’s arms, I could tell this boy was in considerable pain as he quietly winced and wrapped his arms around his stomach, clenching tightly. I pointed him out to the doctor and we both agreed this would be the first patient seen. I led the mother into the clinic, her eyes full of relief that her son would be getting the necessary attention he so desperately needed. I swiftly took the child’s vitals as I conversed with the mother, to the best of my ability, in her native language. She explained to me her son had been vomiting for the past two days and felt warm last night. I ushered the doctor back over and explained what I had learned thus far. The doctor almost immediately knew after palpating the boys’ abdomen, that he had appendicitis and urged the mother to take her son to a hospital as we were not equipped to operate in our clinic. The mother began to panic and her son’s cries grew louder. I tried to comfort the little boy and convey a sense of calmness to the mother. So that the mother would not worry about the expense, we paid for her transportation to the hospital. I will never know the outcome but I can only hope my small contribution helped to save this boy’s life.

 

There is something significant about providing healthcare. Even more extraordinary is offering health to those who would otherwise have few, if any, medical options. My trip to Mexico affirmed what I already knew; I wanted to be part of a collaborative effort: to provide health care so that I may make a difference in someone's life. It took some exploring after college to identify my career path. I wanted a career which would excite me and allow me to constantly acquire knowledge and be challenged. Most importantly, I sought a career that would fulfill my greatest aspiration; to help others.

 

My volunteer experiences at New York Presbyterian Hospital Emergency Room gave me the opportunity to interact directly with patients during anxious moments. I often spent time with patients whose loved ones were unable to accompany, offering them what comfort I could, and encouraged them to believe in the medical system. As a volunteer I observed the different roles of health care providers. It was the Physician Assistants role which stood out to me because of their frequent interaction with patients during the course of their day. {more needs to be added here}

 

I have gained valuable information and experience by shadowing PA’s in several specialties. While shadowing an Orthopedic PA, I saw patients being seen for post-op consultations. The PA was able to take her time with the patients and answer all of their questions. While shadowing a PA working in Oncology I was able to accompany her on her morning rounds. The bonds she had developed with her patients were strong and palpable. The bond was apparent as patients felt more comfortable disclosing their symptoms. I also found PA’s continuously speaking of the passion they have for the profession, which is the passion for which I have been searching.

 

I have prepared myself to pursue a career in medicine in many ways. Currently I am working as Medical Scribe at an Urgent Care Facility. Seeing 20-25 patients a day, I understand the importance of bedside manner, providing basic care and communicating the needs of the patient. As a scribe I meet with each patient before he or she is seen by a doctor and am responsible for recording each patient’s relevant past history, current symptoms and vital signs. I gained confidence in my ability to ask pertinent questions based on preliminary information offered by the patients. Similar to an Emergency Room, one minute I may be treating a man with an elevated blood pressure, and the next I may have a patient who needs wound care. Knowing my intent to enter the medical field, the doctors challenge me mentally in regards to diagnoses, x-ray interpretation and overall anatomy. I thrive on constantly absorbing new knowledge and I appreciate the fast paced, albeit sometimes chaotic environment, in which I am learning.

 

It would be overly simplistic to say that I have chosen to devote my life to the medical profession because I have a strong desire to help people. I realize now that the decision to pursue a career in medicine must be based on much more than a desire to help. Training to become a PA is to understand the rigors of medical training and perhaps most importantly, the maturity to make the profound commitment that is necessary. A career in medicine demands perseverance and dedication to scieintific and humanistic knowledge. I believe through my academic, volunteer and work experiences, I can contribute by being sensitive to my future patients and provide care in a compassionate manner.

[jarchie]

Any comments are appreciated too!

[mktalon]

I think this is a really strong PS. While lines about wanting to "help people" are GENERALLY not a good idea... you have experience that really gives weight to your desire. In addition, you clarify your desire to help with more specificity. It works.