david89 Posted June 17, 2012 Share Posted June 17, 2012 Hello all I revised my personal statement from the one last year. can you please take a look and see if my usage of PA and physician assistant are correct. please and thank you....and don't hold back with your critiques.....i truly appreciated After received letters of rejection from different Physician Assistant Programs, I felt greatly discouraged from having too much weight on my shoulders. But I realized that it was not the end of the world. I was grateful to have lived another year as a healthy individual: being able to walk, see, and talk. I started by contacting schools that I interviewed last year and ask them what were my weaknesses and areas I can improve for my overall application. From that moment, I felt rejuvenated and ready to reapply as a stronger applicant. In the past year, I improved myself immensely to help me reach my goal of becoming a physician assistant (PA). Many life experiences shaped me into a man of resilience, leadership, and determination. Furthermore, my personal experience, volunteer service, and shadowing motivated me to become a physician assistant in primary care to help address the shortage problem across America. During my years as an undergraduate, I volunteered at the Riverside Community Hospital (RCH) to explore more about medical field. There, I met a diabetic patient named Ben who recently had surgery. To distract post surgery pain, I taught Ben the art of origami and we spent time folding many paper animals. The next day, I surprised him with a cook book of many recipes for healthy foods and exercises to do. Ben shook my hand and thanked me for my sincere effort of going the extra step. His smile made my volunteer worthwhile in addition to the invaluable experience of working in a high pace environment. During the course of my volunteer, I was introduced to the profession of physician assistant. Researched more on the profession opened my eyes to a great shortage of PAs in primary care across America. To address this dilemma, I am determined in becoming a PA to work in medically underserved community and educate patients about preventive medicine. I am also drawn to the idea that PAs work in collaboration with doctors to achieve the highest quality health care as much as possible for patients. After completed my internship at RCH with a 1.5 years of commitment, I shadowed a PA at the Arrowhead Regional Medical Center. The PA amazed me by taking the time to get to know the patients, treated them as people and not as symptoms. One time, when I accompanied the PA into a patient's room, we ended up talking about the television series "House" to help the patient relax and feel comfortable. As a PA, I can communicate more with patients and educate them on the aspect of preventive care while providing superior healthcare. This is a profession of compassion in helping others in their times of need. I want to extend that compassion to the people in underserved community where primary care is a shortage. This opportunity gave me a closer perspective of the profession and cemented my decision in becoming a PA. Last year, I submitted my application when I felt it met the minimum requirements for consideration. However, as time passed by, I learned that meeting the minimums and applied a bit late is a combination that will come back to hurt me. Before I finish my final year of undergraduate, I made sure to finish it strong with an upward trend in grade point average (GPA). In addition, I retook microbiology to receive a higher grade and completed other pre-requisites. I continued to shadow physician assistant and volunteer at the Loma Linda Medical Center in the Oncology Department. As a volunteer, my task is to spend time with children before and after their chemotherapies. I interact with them through painting and making crafts. My overall goal as a volunteer is to help the children feel as conformable and happy as possible when they are at the Oncology Department. I am also a volunteer at a primary care clinic. There, I interact with patients by taking vital signs with supervision when possible. I take joy in these volunteers because they improve my patient care interaction as well as continue to learn new things. I am currently working as a Medical Scribe at the Inland Valley Medical Center. I greatly enjoy this opportunity because it allows me to practice medical terminologies every time I work. I know this work opportunity will later benefit me as a physician assistant student. With my GPA improved and the continued of exposure to healthcare experience, I am more mature and determined on my goal of becoming a physician assistant. I am prepared and believe in myself to do well in your PA program as it will be a challenging journey yet rewarding. I am ready to make a full commitment to medicine as a PA because my mission is to make healthcare more accessible in underserved community and form trusting relationships with patients. With medical volunteer and PA shadowing, they reinforced my decision of becoming a physician assistant in primary care to help address that shortage problem in America.After received letters of rejection from different Physician Assistant Programs, I felt greatly discouraged from having too much weight on my shoulders. But I realized that it was not the end of the world. I was grateful to have lived another year as a healthy individual: being able to walk, see, and talk. I started by contacting schools that I interviewed last year and ask them what were my weaknesses and areas I can improve for my overall application. From that moment, I felt rejuvenated and ready to reapply as a stronger applicant. In the past year, I improved myself immensely to help me reach my goal of becoming a physician assistant (PA). Many life experiences shaped me into a man of resilience, leadership, and determination. Furthermore, my personal experience, volunteer service, and shadowing motivated me to become a physician assistant in primary care to help address the shortage problem across America. During my years as an undergraduate, I volunteered at the Riverside Community Hospital (RCH) to explore more about medical field. There, I met a diabetic patient named Ben who recently had surgery. To distract post surgery pain, I taught Ben the art of origami and we spent time folding many paper animals. The next day, I surprised him with a cook book of many recipes for healthy foods and exercises to do. Ben shook my hand and thanked me for my sincere effort of going the extra step. His smile made my volunteer worthwhile in addition to the invaluable experience of working in a high pace environment. During the course of my volunteer, I was introduced to the profession of physician assistant. Researched more on the profession opened my eyes to a great shortage of PAs in primary care across America. To address this dilemma, I am determined in becoming a PA to work in medically underserved community and educate patients about preventive medicine. I am also drawn to the idea that PAs work in collaboration with doctors to achieve the highest quality health care as much as possible for patients. After completed my internship at RCH with a 1.5 years of commitment, I shadowed a PA at the Arrowhead Regional Medical Center. The PA amazed me by taking the time to get to know the patients, treated them as people and not as symptoms. One time, when I accompanied the PA into a patient's room, we ended up talking about the television series "House" to help the patient relax and feel comfortable. As a PA, I can communicate more with patients and educate them on the aspect of preventive care while providing superior healthcare. This is a profession of compassion in helping others in their times of need. I want to extend that compassion to the people in underserved community where primary care is a shortage. This opportunity gave me a closer perspective of the profession and cemented my decision in becoming a PA. Last year, I submitted my application when I felt it met the minimum requirements for consideration. However, as time passed by, I learned that meeting the minimums and applied a bit late is a combination that will come back to hurt me. Before I finish my final year of undergraduate, I made sure to finish it strong with an upward trend in grade point average (GPA). In addition, I retook microbiology to receive a higher grade and completed other pre-requisites. I continued to shadow physician assistant and volunteer at the Loma Linda Medical Center in the Oncology Department. As a volunteer, my task is to spend time with children before and after their chemotherapies. I interact with them through painting and making crafts. My overall goal as a volunteer is to help the children feel as conformable and happy as possible when they are at the Oncology Department. I am also a volunteer at a primary care clinic. There, I interact with patients by taking vital signs with supervision when possible. I take joy in these volunteers because they improve my patient care interaction as well as continue to learn new things. I am currently working as a Medical Scribe at the Inland Valley Medical Center. I greatly enjoy this opportunity because it allows me to practice medical terminologies every time I work. I know this work opportunity will later benefit me as a physician assistant student. With my GPA improved and the continued of exposure to healthcare experience, I am more mature and determined on my goal of becoming a physician assistant. I am prepared and believe in myself to do well in your PA program as it will be a challenging journey yet rewarding. I am ready to make a full commitment to medicine as a PA because my mission is to make healthcare more accessible in underserved community and form trusting relationships with patients. With medical volunteer and PA shadowing, they reinforced my decision of becoming a physician assistant in primary care to help address that shortage problem in America. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
david89 Posted June 17, 2012 Author Share Posted June 17, 2012 Hello all I revised my personal statement from the one last year. can you please take a look and see if my usage of PA and physician assistant are correct. please and thank you....and don't hold back with your critiques.....i truly appreciated After received letters of rejection from different Physician Assistant Programs, I felt greatly discouraged from having too much weight on my shoulders. But I realized that it was not the end of the world. I was grateful to have lived another year as a healthy individual: being able to walk, see, and talk. I started by contacting schools that I interviewed last year and ask them what were my weaknesses and areas I can improve for my overall application. From that moment, I felt rejuvenated and ready to reapply as a stronger applicant. In the past year, I improved myself immensely to help me reach my goal of becoming a physician assistant (PA). Many life experiences shaped me into a man of resilience, leadership, and determination. Furthermore, my personal experience, volunteer service, and shadowing motivated me to become a physician assistant in primary care to help address the shortage problem across America. During my years as an undergraduate, I volunteered at the Riverside Community Hospital (RCH) to explore more about medical field. There, I met a diabetic patient named Ben who recently had surgery. To distract post surgery pain, I taught Ben the art of origami and we spent time folding many paper animals. The next day, I surprised him with a cook book of many recipes for healthy foods and exercises to do. Ben shook my hand and thanked me for my sincere effort of going the extra step. His smile made my volunteer worthwhile in addition to the invaluable experience of working in a high pace environment. During the course of my volunteer, I was introduced to the profession of physician assistant. Researched more on the profession opened my eyes to a great shortage of PAs in primary care across America. To address this dilemma, I am determined in becoming a PA to work in medically underserved community and educate patients about preventive medicine. I am also drawn to the idea that PAs work in collaboration with doctors to achieve the highest quality health care as much as possible for patients. After completed my internship at RCH with a 1.5 years of commitment, I shadowed a PA at the Arrowhead Regional Medical Center. The PA amazed me by taking the time to get to know the patients, treated them as people and not as symptoms. One time, when I accompanied the PA into a patient's room, we ended up talking about the television series "House" to help the patient relax and feel comfortable. As a PA, I can communicate more with patients and educate them on the aspect of preventive care while providing superior healthcare. This is a profession of compassion in helping others in their times of need. I want to extend that compassion to the people in underserved community where primary care is a shortage. This opportunity gave me a closer perspective of the profession and cemented my decision in becoming a PA. Last year, I submitted my application when I felt it met the minimum requirements for consideration. However, as time passed by, I learned that meeting the minimums and applied a bit late is a combination that will come back to hurt me. Before I finish my final year of undergraduate, I made sure to finish it strong with an upward trend in grade point average (GPA). In addition, I retook microbiology to receive a higher grade and completed other pre-requisites. I continued to shadow physician assistant and volunteer at the Loma Linda Medical Center in the Oncology Department. As a volunteer, my task is to spend time with children before and after their chemotherapies. I interact with them through painting and making crafts. My overall goal as a volunteer is to help the children feel as conformable and happy as possible when they are at the Oncology Department. I am also a volunteer at a primary care clinic. There, I interact with patients by taking vital signs with supervision when possible. I take joy in these volunteers because they improve my patient care interaction as well as continue to learn new things. I am currently working as a Medical Scribe at the Inland Valley Medical Center. I greatly enjoy this opportunity because it allows me to practice medical terminologies every time I work. I know this work opportunity will later benefit me as a physician assistant student. With my GPA improved and the continued of exposure to healthcare experience, I am more mature and determined on my goal of becoming a physician assistant. I am prepared and believe in myself to do well in your PA program as it will be a challenging journey yet rewarding. I am ready to make a full commitment to medicine as a PA because my mission is to make healthcare more accessible in underserved community and form trusting relationships with patients. With medical volunteer and PA shadowing, they reinforced my decision of becoming a physician assistant in primary care to help address that shortage problem in America.After received letters of rejection from different Physician Assistant Programs, I felt greatly discouraged from having too much weight on my shoulders. But I realized that it was not the end of the world. I was grateful to have lived another year as a healthy individual: being able to walk, see, and talk. I started by contacting schools that I interviewed last year and ask them what were my weaknesses and areas I can improve for my overall application. From that moment, I felt rejuvenated and ready to reapply as a stronger applicant. In the past year, I improved myself immensely to help me reach my goal of becoming a physician assistant (PA). Many life experiences shaped me into a man of resilience, leadership, and determination. Furthermore, my personal experience, volunteer service, and shadowing motivated me to become a physician assistant in primary care to help address the shortage problem across America. During my years as an undergraduate, I volunteered at the Riverside Community Hospital (RCH) to explore more about medical field. There, I met a diabetic patient named Ben who recently had surgery. To distract post surgery pain, I taught Ben the art of origami and we spent time folding many paper animals. The next day, I surprised him with a cook book of many recipes for healthy foods and exercises to do. Ben shook my hand and thanked me for my sincere effort of going the extra step. His smile made my volunteer worthwhile in addition to the invaluable experience of working in a high pace environment. During the course of my volunteer, I was introduced to the profession of physician assistant. Researched more on the profession opened my eyes to a great shortage of PAs in primary care across America. To address this dilemma, I am determined in becoming a PA to work in medically underserved community and educate patients about preventive medicine. I am also drawn to the idea that PAs work in collaboration with doctors to achieve the highest quality health care as much as possible for patients. After completed my internship at RCH with a 1.5 years of commitment, I shadowed a PA at the Arrowhead Regional Medical Center. The PA amazed me by taking the time to get to know the patients, treated them as people and not as symptoms. One time, when I accompanied the PA into a patient's room, we ended up talking about the television series "House" to help the patient relax and feel comfortable. As a PA, I can communicate more with patients and educate them on the aspect of preventive care while providing superior healthcare. This is a profession of compassion in helping others in their times of need. I want to extend that compassion to the people in underserved community where primary care is a shortage. This opportunity gave me a closer perspective of the profession and cemented my decision in becoming a PA. Last year, I submitted my application when I felt it met the minimum requirements for consideration. However, as time passed by, I learned that meeting the minimums and applied a bit late is a combination that will come back to hurt me. Before I finish my final year of undergraduate, I made sure to finish it strong with an upward trend in grade point average (GPA). In addition, I retook microbiology to receive a higher grade and completed other pre-requisites. I continued to shadow physician assistant and volunteer at the Loma Linda Medical Center in the Oncology Department. As a volunteer, my task is to spend time with children before and after their chemotherapies. I interact with them through painting and making crafts. My overall goal as a volunteer is to help the children feel as conformable and happy as possible when they are at the Oncology Department. I am also a volunteer at a primary care clinic. There, I interact with patients by taking vital signs with supervision when possible. I take joy in these volunteers because they improve my patient care interaction as well as continue to learn new things. I am currently working as a Medical Scribe at the Inland Valley Medical Center. I greatly enjoy this opportunity because it allows me to practice medical terminologies every time I work. I know this work opportunity will later benefit me as a physician assistant student. With my GPA improved and the continued of exposure to healthcare experience, I am more mature and determined on my goal of becoming a physician assistant. I am prepared and believe in myself to do well in your PA program as it will be a challenging journey yet rewarding. I am ready to make a full commitment to medicine as a PA because my mission is to make healthcare more accessible in underserved community and form trusting relationships with patients. With medical volunteer and PA shadowing, they reinforced my decision of becoming a physician assistant in primary care to help address that shortage problem in America. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
david89 Posted June 22, 2012 Author Share Posted June 22, 2012 penny for your thoughts????.......please???...:=D: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Corpsman2PA Posted June 22, 2012 Share Posted June 22, 2012 penny for your thoughts????.......please???...:=D: I didn't even get passed the first sentence. Word tense or Word omission error. Can you find it? I'd throw this to the "Review later" pile, with a note saying, "Applicant has difficulty with attention to detail." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mkels Posted June 22, 2012 Share Posted June 22, 2012 In addition, you open your PS with saying that you were rejected because you had too much weight on your shoulders. How do you think the adcoms of a rigorous PA program are going to receive that? Do you think they will get the impression that you will succeed when under the stress of their curriculum? I didn't make it past this sentence. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mkels Posted June 22, 2012 Share Posted June 22, 2012 Okay, I took the time to read the rest of your personal statement. It is the same three paragraphs repeated three times. Did you have issues with uploading it or something? And are you a native English speaker? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
david89 Posted June 22, 2012 Author Share Posted June 22, 2012 thank you all for your thoughts. i'm not a native speaker. i'll start revising that ps right now... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
david89 Posted June 22, 2012 Author Share Posted June 22, 2012 Okay, I took the time to read the rest of your personal statement. It is the same three paragraphs repeated three times. Did you have issues with uploading it or something? And are you a native English speaker? Hi....thank you for pointing out that major error...i didn't know what happen and why it showed up like that....My ps is only the first 5 paragraphs....but thank you for your thoughts....i'll starting revising it some more...thank you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joanna.nola Posted June 22, 2012 Share Posted June 22, 2012 I would lead with the second paragraph when you talk about volunteering. However, your personal statement reads like a laundry list of activities you did to build your application. They will see this elsewhere on caspa. You need to talk about why you want to be a PA. Show your passion. Don't focus on the rejection from last year so much. You could mention it, but I wouldn't mention it in the first sentence. Lead with something strong. Make a statement explaining why you are an excellent candidate for PA school and why you will be an excellent PA. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
david89 Posted June 22, 2012 Author Share Posted June 22, 2012 In addition, you open your PS with saying that you were rejected because you had too much weight on your shoulders. How do you think the adcoms of a rigorous PA program are going to receive that? Do you think they will get the impression that you will succeed when under the stress of their curriculum? I didn't make it past this sentence. ohhh i guess i misled you with that sentence. I meant to say something like "because of those rejections, i felt discouraged and was trying to compare the letter of rejections to "too much weight". I guess that attempt of mine failed...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
david89 Posted June 22, 2012 Author Share Posted June 22, 2012 Your personal statement reads like a laundry list of activities you did to build your application. They will see this elsewhere on caspa. You need to talk about why you want to be a PA. Show your passion. Don't focus on the rejection from last year so much. You could mention it, but I wouldn't mention it in the first sentence. Lead with something strong. Make a statement explaining why you are an excellent candidate for PA school and why you will be an excellent PA. thank you...i truly appreciate it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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