Need Help!! Re- applicant.....

[cardsgirl]

OK so I applied to RMC in Montana last cycle but was not accepted due to lack of paid pt. care experience. Since then, I have been working full-time at a Hospital in Billings, MT where the school I want to go to is located as a Cardiac Ultrasound tech. I am adding about 600 more hours of PAID hce hours to my app, and I will have well over 2000 by the time of matriculation. I need help changing my original PS and adding in this new full-time work experience in Billings, MT. I really like my PS and I think it flows well, so it is so hard to change it and add things! Oh, and my PS is really long so I will need to take out something, or condense something to add in my new job.

 

Here is the one from last cycle: (The main thing I need to add is my new job and added HCE)

 

I desire to become a Physician Assistant to provide a broader array of quality and accessible healthcare services to the underserved populations in my rural community. As a Registered Diagnostic Cardiac Sonographer, my healthcare services are limited by my current knowledge base and scope of practice. I want to expand my abilities and training for the opportunity to meet a larger variety of healthcare needs for the individuals in my community who need it most.

 

As a child, I developed my interest of having a future career in healthcare while observing the care my older sister received as a congenital heart patient. My sister was born with a ventricular membranous septal defect. Every couple of months she was scheduled to receive an echocardiogram (cardiac ultrasound exam). After watching several echocardiograms and being fascinated with the Cardiac Sonography profession, I decided that I wanted to go to ultrasound school after high school.

 

At age 17, I moved from my home in Missoula, MT to Minneapolis, MN where I began a two-year, full time Cardiac Sonography program. I was the youngest student in my class, and the only one without healthcare experience or a previous degree. Being the underdog strengthened my desires to learn and I graduated at the top of my class. Before I graduated, I completed a six month clinical internship at United Hospital in St. Paul, MN. The longer I worked in the hospital the more I wanted to learn. I truly loved working in the healthcare field and I decided I wanted to keep looking for ways to expand my knowledge and training.

 

Becoming a Registered Diagnostic Cardiac Sonographer has allowed me to gain experience in a variety of hospital and clinic settings. Not only have I performed cardiac ultrasound exams and stress tests in the in-patient and out-patient setting, but I have also assisted with several Trans-Esophageal Echocardiograms in the operating room. Though Cardiac Sonography is a very specialized field, I feel I have had the opportunity to learn and experience many different areas of healthcare.

 

My time at United Hospital allowed me to work alongside Physician Assistants and see first-hand their day to day responsibilities. After several months of job shadowing and interacting with Physician Assistants I knew without a doubt, this is exactly what I longed to become in order to better serve my patients and advance my knowledge and abilities as a healthcare provider. As a Physician Assistant I will be able to order, perform and interpret diagnostic tests; and provide a much broader array of medical modalities collaboratively with my supervising physician and other team members.

 

After I graduated ultrasound school I moved back to my home in Montana and began a job in a small 24-bed hospital. Transitioning from a huge inner-city hospital to a small rural hospital gave me a unique perspective on the importance of Physician Assistants. Due to the shortage of primary care providers, the Physician Assistants seemed like they had a broader scope of practice due to the lack of accessible resources available to the hospital. I have truly enjoyed my time working in this rural setting and it has really opened my eyes to the need in my community.

 

 

Wanting to give back and further serve my community, I began a volunteer internship position with the health department at the Missoula Indian Center. My daily responsibilities included: obtaining basic health screenings and medical histories, taking vital signs, offering health education and prevention information, and dispensing over the counter medications and diabetic supplies. My time at the Missoula Indian Center has been the biggest motivator that drives my desire to help the underserved. Working with the Native American communities has allowed me to see the vast need of quality, accessible healthcare in my rural region. I hope to have the opportunity to work with the Indian Health Service and continue to serve this at-risk population once I am a Physician Assistant.

 

My specific long term goals are: 1) to practice medicine as a member of the healthcare team with my supervising physician, with particular interests in primary care and preventative medicine; 2) to continue serving at-risk and disadvantaged people in my community and the rural areas of this region; 3) to become more involved with the Indian Health Service and provide services to the underserved Native American populations. I am excited about the future opportunity of Physician Assistant training to greatly improve my ability to care for communities in need.

[pnch40]

I have yet to write my PS as I am a first time applicant but you are starting your paper off with your thesis. I didn't even read after the first sentence. You need an attention getter. Reach out through the paper, grab the person by the shirt and say, 'read this'.

[2full2eat]

Job titles don't get capitalization.

 

http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/capitals.htm

[mackjacks]

"order, perform and interpret diagnostic tests" I believe this is word-for-word from a description of what PAs do that is floating around out there, you should re-word it if it is.

 

To make your statement shorter, you should say Registered Diagnostic Cardiac Sonographer (RDCS) only once, then you can refer to it by RDCS each subsequent time. Same with Physician Assistant (PA) then just say PA or PAs.

 

You shouldn't list your daily responsibilities at the Indian Center in your PS, that should be listed on CASPA and you don't want to repeat. Instead, just talk about what you have learned at the center in ways that would not be appropriate on CASPA, maybe throwing in an anecdote, ex: "Seeing underserved children struggle with _____ that could be easily fixed through modern medicine has ___had whatever effect on me____."

 

I believe you are only applying to RMC? So you could talk about how RMC's mission statement to train providers to work in underserved regions fits perfectly with your career goals.

[Corpsman2PA]

Its good that your work experience backs up your desires. For example, a lot of people think they need to pretend they're somebody they're not just to fit a programs mission. A research tech at a big university in a large city would have a hard time selling me on the fact that they want work with the unerserved rural populations. I believe that you do. Thats good.

 

I don't agree with what pnch40 is saying. I think your opening sentence is fine. You tell us exactly why you're pursuing the PA profession, and then elaborate in the body of the PS which is fine by me.

As 2full2eat said, capitalization of PA whether correct or not, is a personal choice IMO. I capitalized mine and did just fine. And as mackjacks said, you could shorten your job to RDCS to save character space. I think you could combine paragraphs 5 and 6 pretty easily and could probably remove the last paragraph because IMO its not important to list out what your long term goals are at this point. You want to leave enough for them to be curious, and still have enough left over to talk about at the interview and "wow" them.

 

I will say this: I feel like your PS lacks an emotional connection. I wasn't truly "moved" by you. I think you're a great candidate, a great potential PA with some good experiences, but I didn't connect with you on a deeper level. You want the reader of your PS to connect with you, so that THEY are excited to offer you the interview (and are rooting for you that you'll match in person what you are on paper). As Randy Jackson would say, "Yo...I don't know dawg. For me it was like 'wow' but not like 'wow wow wow'."

[mackjacks]

 

I will say this: I feel like your PS lacks an emotional connection. I wasn't truly "moved" by you. I think you're a great candidate, a great potential PA with some good experiences, but I didn't connect with you on a deeper level. You want the reader of your PS to connect with you, so that THEY are excited to offer you the interview (and are rooting for you that you'll match in person what you are on paper).

 

I agree with this, I just didn't really realize it :) That's kind of what I was getting at saying that if you included some sort of little story from your work or talked about the impact that an experience had on you it would sort of humanize the author to the reader and make a connection like Corpsman2PA is saying.

[IdahoPA]

I actually liked that it was straightforward and not needlessly flashy. I also appreciate that while a lot of people state a desire to work with the underserved, you actually demonstrate it without being overly trite.

 

I think my biggest complaint is, yes, the capitalization on all of the job titles; to me, it is super distracting. Also, you don't need to explain what an echocardiogram is. Everyone reading this will know. :) Parts of your 6th paragraph are a bit redundant, esp the 3rd sentence with the repetition of "due to" and the repeat of "broader" from your first paragraph.

 

Good luck! I hope your second bid is successful. :)

[cardsgirl]

Thanks everyone!! My app is verified and ready to be mailed!! Praying for that RMC interview!! :)

[cardsgirl]

Thanks everyone!! My app is verified and ready to be mailed!! Praying for that RMC interview!! :)

[cardsgirl]

Thanks everyone!! My app is verified and ready to be mailed!! Praying for that RMC interview!! :)