Personal Statement draft here, any feedback is appreciated, thanks guys

[rlp14]

Perhaps the greatest quest in life is to attain significance, to achieve that which defines the essence of one’s existence. Through this profound introspective journey, an individual is able to identify a way in which they contribute to an honorable cause that is greater than their own singularity. Through their role within this cause they are able to benefit humanity while achieving self-actualization and fulfillment, the intangible rewards that gratify their very soul. Through a journey of my own, one that has penetrated to the core of my psyche, I have indubitably determined that the defining role of my life must be as a Physician Assistant.

My desire to be a healthcare professional reaches back throughout my life. I have always enjoyed the friendly, high quality care provided to my family by physicians and PA’s. They have both served my family well in primary care as well as in surgery. While I always knew that there was no better field suited for my talents and interests than medicine, I truly needed to actively seek the best role for myself within that field. Therefore, I became involved with patients and other healthcare providers to not only define a path for myself, but also to manifest my desire to help others in a healthcare setting.

I have served as a healthcare provider for many types of patients, from middle aged to elderly, and from healthy patients to those enduring severe neurological conditions. I have also performed a variety of different procedures in these roles. While there has been significant contrast in the patients I have seen, two elements have always remained constant. The first is that I have absolutely loved my patients and am grateful for having the opportunity to serve them. The other constant in my healthcare experience is that I have always yearned to do more for my patients, to have the vast knowledge and skills to attend to all of their medical needs. Thus, I desire to become a PA to significantly increase my scope of practice. Furthermore, the PA profession operates with the unique scope of practice that fits best with my personal traits. While they are entrusted with significant autonomy in their duties, I also find their role as a dependent practitioner highly favorable. They are provided with great opportunities to focus their time on caring for patients and their families as well as being able to consult with physicians for their treatment, and that is precisely the role I seek.

In my heart I know that I truly burn to be a PA because I fully understand the immense challenges and responsibilities of the training as well as the profession itself and I wholeheartedly look forward to them. I am fully aware that I may work seventy hours per week during a surgical rotation, that I may not emerge from a hospital to see daylight for days at a time, and that I must master prodigious amounts of medical knowledge in a relatively brief time period. I also understand that for the duration of my career I will be entrusted with the lives of many patients and that I will face times of urgency and tragedy. However, I believe that as healthcare practitioners we must serve as the barrier between health and sickness, and between life and death, and that we must be fearless and endlessly diligent in order to truly fulfill this role. We need to be the uncompromising strength, courage, and compassion that patients and their families can rely on in times of need, and we must always act in their best interest. I fervently await the day that I complete my training to become a PA and be able to serve in this role with honor and expertise.

While some may consider my previous unsuccessful attempt at being accepted to a PA program simply failure, I truly uphold it as one of the most positive events in my life. It has tested my mental fortitude as well as my desire and commitment to following this path. It has inspired me to grow, to become a stronger person, and to continue my commitment to healthcare. Furthermore, it reinforced my certainty in dedicating my life to this profession. The sole reason I am writing this is because I did not quit, I did not waiver, and I am following my heart through this journey. It is truly my living dream to become a Physician Assistant, and I will never concede in my own personal quest to achieve it.

[PiperBrad]

I think it's good that you draw attention to the fact that you're a re-applicant, it shows dedication. I don't know how important this is but why are you choosing to apply to school at this particular time in your life? You're going up against applicants with kids, second degrees, second careers that have an established timeline for their educational goals. In this sense, it might be a good idea to establish your future goals and why you wish to start now. I'm a first-time applicant so I don't know how pertinent this information may be, that is just a bit of feedback I received on my essay. I'm a younger applicant so these are concerns I felt like I needed to address: why now? What will you bring to the field? What do you hope to accomplish?

[rlp14]

^^Thanks for the feedback guys. PAMAC, i especially appreciate your opinion because you are very experienced. You are right, I am short on HCE, but truth be told I haven't posted precisely everything i have been involved with on here. What you said is still true though. With that in mind, do you think I did a good job of highlighting my strengths? Is there any other info i should include? By specifics, what exactly do you mean? I tried not to be too specific because I obviously have very limited space to write.

[rlp14]

Piper- the reason I am pursuing this so soon is because I have considered just about every health profession of interest to me, and this one always remained the best in my eyes because of the scope of practice, the duties and procedures, the patient contact, the career opportunities, etc. It wasn't my first venture into a health profession, I originally wanted to be a PT, but I realized it wasn't exactly what I wanted to do. I personally know others that were my age and far less qualified get into school. In my eyes, if they were accepted, then the schools saw something in them that showed they were ready and had the potential to be a great practitioner. Schools know exactly what they want, so if they see potential in me and accept me, then I think that speaks to the validity of my aspirations at this time. I'm not extremely smart, I'm not extremely talented, but I love working with patients and I know that I can do anything I set my mind to. If I was a CNA for 2000 hours you guys might see things different, but to be honest theres not much in their skills/duties that translates to that of a PA, so while that would make me a "contender" based on admissions criteria, it wouldn't necessarily make me a better PA.

[crystaltide]

- You don't mention anything that you've done to improve your application since you got rejected, only that you've become a better person because of it.

- You shouldn't waste space telling ADCOMs what a PA does or what PA school is like; they know that already - use that space to talk about what you've done more specifically.

 

Style is definitely one of your strong points, so you don't need to worry about that!

[rlp14]

^^Thanks, those are very valid points. The reason I explained a little about the profession is because some schools say they initially rate applicants on their understanding of the profession through their PS, so I felt I needed to convey that. Could you elaborate though? Any other opinions on this?

[rlp14]

^^ok, those are great points, its clear my PS is all style and no substance so I need to include some specific experiences. Its only a first draft so I'm happy I'm getting this feedback now. Thanks

[GatorRRT]

Take my opinion for what it's worth (not much). The first paragraph reads like a thesaurus, and could be summed up with one sentence....."I want to be a pa because I want to help people". I would focus more on your desire to increase your scope of practice. Btw, what is your current scope of practice; include it and expand on it. I would also include anything you've done since your last time applying in order to strengthen your ap. Again, just my two cents, which is probably worth closer to .5 cents....damn inflation. Good luck with your second go around.

[crystaltide]

Most schools that I've looked at evaluate candidates based on their knowledge of the profession, but that normally comes during the interview portion. You shouldn't have to explicitly state anything that a PA does in a PS; instead, by what you're writing they should be able to tell you know about the profession and what it takes to become/be a PA. When you get to the interview they can evaluate that further. Could be wrong, but that's my understanding of the process most places.

[rlp14]

This has been really constructive, you have all brought excellent points to my attention, and I have already incorporated them into my PS, it is very different now than the original posting. I deleted the first paragraph because it is useless, i took out the stuff that is about the profession, and included some personal patient experiences and ways that i have improved since last year. Thanks again guys.

[Corpsman2PA]

This has been really constructive, you have all brought excellent points to my attention, and I have already incorporated them into my PS, it is very different now than the original posting. I deleted the first paragraph because it is useless, i took out the stuff that is about the profession, and included some personal patient experiences and ways that i have improved since last year. Thanks again guys.

 

I'd say taking out the first paragraph was a good choice. Was it eloquent? Yes. But the writing sounded 180-degrees different than the body itself did. Sort of like somebody said earlier, a thesaurus. I think the changes you made are perfect. I'd love to see the revamped version. You have good writing flow and it was easy to read. Crystaltide is right, convey that you know about the profession through personal experience. It doesn't have to be a story that sounds like the opening to a blockbuster movie (the lights were blaring and the screams were loud as my heart beat fervently inside my chest, etc as so many are), just experience that is real and relatable to the reader. In my PS, I started with a snap-shot of what I wanted to be when I was younger (a cop) and why. Then decisions I made at a young age that put me on the best path to become a cop (military), then experiences (medically and PA interactions) that changed that decision into pursuing the PA profession. The experience portion was the meat and potatoes for me as it allowed me to demonstrate that 1) I had hce 2) I knew what the PA profession was all about without reciting the AAPA definition and 3) not sure what 3 is, but you get the picture :)

[rlp14]

thanks for the encouragement corpsman, i think i'm going to post my second draft soon for more feedback, i'd appreciate any more of your recommendations.