Final Draft. Help please!!

[hmphelps]

I feel like I do well in the beginning, but I feel like the end is not quite as strong and feels a little fluffy to me. Critiques of suggestions are very much appreciated. Thank you in advance!

 

After a hot summer’s day well spent in the pool, my younger brother convinced me that jumping on the trampoline while soaking wet was a bright idea. It was not. I watched as my little brother slipped on the very edge of the trampoline and fell to the ground; his arm snapping beneath him. There was no question to my parents that his arm must surely have been broken. I had always had a keen interest in the medical field, but the trip to East Texas Medical Center that followed was a significant occurrence in my life; my first encounter with a physician assistant (PA). Although I cannot recall his name, many characteristics about him remain in my mind to this very day and time. Confidence, gentleness, knowledgeability: these individualities aided to lessen the panic of the situation. How he accomplished this task while also working to x-ray, analyze, and cast my brother’s arm marveled me. I knew at that moment that one day I wanted to provide such eloquent services to patients providing medical care as a physician assistant.

 

Flash-forward several years later to the summer following my sophomore year of college at Texas Tech University. It was 6:30 in the morning on a warm summer’s day, and at this early hour I was excited to hear my alarm go off. I popped out of my bed and slid into a pair of my favorite scrubs as I prepared for another exhilarating day working at a clinic as a podiatry assistant. Looking at feet everyday over summer vacation may not sound like the ideal getaway to most college students, but I personally could not think of a better way to have spent my time. Passionate about health care I had never turned down an opportunity to gain experience working with patients in any facility. Whether it be shadowing health care professionals, working with and conversing with patients, or just helping with simple everyday tasks around the office; I loved being in the medical environment.

 

At work by 7:45am I was excited to start a new day of work at 8:00. “You can come back with me, ma’am,” I exclaimed as I prepared to see one of my favorite patients at the Foot Clinic. “How are you doing today,” I proceeded to ask. Communication is an important factor of healthcare in my eyes, and I made it a point to converse with each patient and orally explain everything that I would be doing in order to give them a feeling of trust and comfortability. Patient comfort was essential to the doctor that I had the opportunity to work for, and has grown to be a major focus of mine when I see patients. “My feet hurt, baby”, she complained. After further assessment I gently took care of my patients feet procedurally, what we called “basic foot care”. Making small talk while adequately doing my job was my favorite part of working at the Foot Clinic. Whereas it is important to do a thorough job medically, I believe the social aspect of seeing a patient is of equal importance. Having a positive influence on a patient’s life through healing and through kindness is a very rewarding privilege in itself. “Why don’t we put your shoes back on and see how that feels?” I asked as I finished my job. “My toes feel so much better already, sweetheart,” she exclaimed in happiness.

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The summer that I worked as a podiatry assistant opened my heart to the realization that there are so many tasks that people are unable to accomplish by themselves, such as trimming one’s toenails, but this is not the only factor that has urged me to pursue a career as a PA. Oftentimes, a patient would leave with a smile on their face that they did not have when they first arrived at the office; a result of showing the patient they are truly cared about by giving them someone to confide in while providing care; a priority of mine. I strongly believe that this is a main focus of being a PA, and even of healthcare in general; wanting to provide the best care that is possible to every patient possible while offering a listening ear and a healing hand.

 

A primary care physician whom I had the privilege to shadow, once said to me, “Health care is a team effort.” He meant it in terms of the relationship between he and his patients, and I could not agree more with this statement more. I believe that teamwork is an important aspect of the healing process. In order to achieve optimum health everyone must be on the same page: the physician, the PA, and the patient. Looking back on my first impression of a PA, and through observation of the characteristics held by other health care professionals I believe I have many personal strengths and motives that will allow me to become a successful medical professional. Through my passion, hard work, and dedication to the medical field I can confidently say that I have what it takes to adequately be a part of this team as a PA, and I am ready to start practicing.

[lauren7409]

I really like your essay. I think you intrigue the audience with your story. You also tie that in to how that made you want to become a PA. You also highlighted  your HCE and overall why you make a good applicant. Maybe in your conclusion tie the story of the lady from the foot clinic in somehow to bring back the emotion, but really its an easy read and interesting.