Please give me advice

[cevinbn90]

This is my second time applying, I am tying a brand new essay. Please give me as much advice as possible.

 

The electrical signals that pump the heart, the peristalsis movement of the esophagus, the uptake mechanism of calcium ion channels, the bare cadaver exposing vulnerable yet intriguing parts of the human body. Science has always been my favorite subject. My interest in science have pushed me to think critically, built up my endurance, and tested my comfort zone. For instance, whether I was studying for genetics, or performing a fetal pig dissection, I always hesitated at first, working to comprehend the concept. Yet, my interest in science, the human anatomy system in particular, prompted me to overcome my inhibitions. It has prepared me for future opportunities, such as educating young kids in fetal pig dissection, assisting physicians during procedures, and working with other peers in teaching one another. Science motivated me to develop new skills, tested my ability to adapt to new challenges, and molded my passion to be a part of the healthcare field.

 

As an undergraduate completing the pre-medical track, the common question asked of me was, “Which specialty do you want to go into?” I could never give a definite answer. This might have been because I was not exposed to each specialty, therefore, I often had more than one area of interest. My times working in the pathology lab- seeing amputated body parts, internal organs, and abnormal masses- ignited a passion in me to learn more about the fascinating human body, possible adverse effects on it, and how can I help others with that information. I knew at that moment being a medical provider would be a valuable career path that allows me to accomplish those things.

 

My capacity to learn more about patient care was broadened when I joined Mission Arlington Medical Clinic. By shadowing different PAs, my knowledge in patient care has gradually expanded. I realized that giving a five-minute preliminary checkup was inadequate to form any connection with the patients. Consequently, I became more observant, aware, and attentive when I assessed patients. This gave me the opportunity with each patient and allowed me to pay more attention to the progress of their health status. Shadowing a PA propelled me to critically think about the cases that are presented to me, so that I could consider all possible related factors and create proper plans of action. I now recognize my own improvement in patient care, and instead of focusing on the quantity of patients, I explore deeper into each case, trying to understand cause and effect relationship of the conditions.

 

The opportunity to follow two different PAs has fostered my appreciation for the values of the profession. I treasure the amount of time spent with each patient, the collaborative working relationship with physicians, and the flexibility of the working environment. During one particular experience concerning a diabetic patient with foot ulcers and multiple amputations on both feet, I was able to witness how the PA treated not just the patient’s physical needs, but also addressed his emotional needs. The patient, who was distressed about his health and personal matters, voiced his desire to discontinue the treatment. As I assisted the PA with tissue removal and cleaning of the wound, I listened as the PA informed the patient about the procedure, discussed future treatment, and provided consolation and encouragement. When I saw the patient for a follow-up visit, he showed marked physical and emotional improvement.

 

It was during this moment that I realized the positive impact that medical providers can have on the patients. The PA’s determination and compassion during treatment, particularly considering that the patient had a chronic condition and was unable to afford medical service, motivated the patient to have a different perspective about his condition and overall quality of life. This experience has taught me that as a PA, one can generate hope without being forceful and that every patient should be treated without judgment.

 

For me, the prospective of becoming a physician assistant means adapting to new challenges, analyzing various scenarios with an open mind, but most importantly, providing quality care for each patient in a sensible and compassionate manner regardless of their background. My desire to advise and teach and my detailed-oriented personality are characteristics that facilitate my ability to better serve patients. The PA profession represents my primary area interest and I am confident that acceptance in to a PA program will train me to be successful in the field. Patient care thus far has been a rewarding experience, I yearn to be able to contribute my assistance to the healthcare field. I will continue my volunteer work and shadowing experience to learn more about the healthcare field and develop the skills that will prepare me for future opportunities.

[cpkpa]

I think your intro needs some work. It seemed like you were about to describe an awesome experience doing a human dissection or open heart surgery but then you flipped and flopped between other things.  "The electrical signals that pump the heart, the peristalsis movement of the esophagus, the uptake mechanism of calcium ion channels, the bare cadaver exposing vulnerable yet intriguing parts of the human body." --> This isn't a complete sentence. I see you're trying to drop a hint that you know your anatomy and physiology, which is great, but how can you make that flow into why you desire to be a PA?

I think your conclusion is much stronger than your intro. When I think of a conclusion, I think of it as a mini summary of the paragraphs above... just giving one more "punch" of why you'd be a great PA! :P

[cevinbn90]

Thank you cpkpa, I could see the awkwardness of that sentence, but I was trying to grab the reader's attention, so I am at lost trying to figure out how to work around that, without changing it completely.

[ntoups4]

I think you could cut out the part about not knowing which specialty you'd want to work in it seems a bit awkward. But I really like how you included specific patient care experiences like with the diabetic patient and how it has motivated you!

[aty001]

You need to be more specific about why you want to be a PA... all the reasons you gave could be applied to MD or NP. You seem passionate about science, but not so much the PA field. You want the admissions committee to read your essay and say "dang, I really want to meet this person!" and yours isn't quite there yet. Instead of telling the reader what you're thinking, show them with anecdotes that demonstrate that you're passionate about being a PA and you understand what makes them unique.