Rough draft PS

[ehuai]

Hi guys this is my rough draft, any critiques would be much appreciated! I have been having some trouble with the flow of the essay and trying to include as much as possible while being short and concise because I know there's a word limit when submitting it to CASPA. 

 

He was dead. In the back of my mind, I always knew death was a part of life but nothing could have prepared me for this. I stood frozen in space and time, wishing I had known what to do while the paramedics rushed over to him. I witnessed firsthand the chaos that accompanied death and experienced its overwhelming emotional effects. Engulfed in a sea of despair, I felt useless and helpless. My father was gone.

 

As cliche as it may sound, my father was my hero. When I was younger I did not understand how hard he worked to build a company from the ground up and how much he sacrificed so that my brother and I could live comfortably and not have to endure any of the hardships that he had. My hero vanished. Despite the difficulties, I had found fire out of the darkness that reignited passion back into my life. I decided to turn my life around and to search long and hard for a fulfilling career that would allow me to help others.

 

Health care was exactly what I was searching for, it was my guiding light. Little did I know that my original goal of becoming a radiology technician was just a stepping stone in my journey to becoming a physician assistant. I tried to emulate my father’s ethics by working full time,finishing up all of my prerequisites, and taking care of my family at the same time. No matter how long and tough my days were I refused to let myself be filled with the thoughts of doubt and to take the easy way out. I have finally discovered the true meaning of hard work, determination and tenacity.     

 

The past four years that I have worked as a radiologic technologist have brought me a tremendous amount of experience with patient care. However in the grand scheme of a patient’s life, our assistance is limited just to imaging. As a radiologic technologist, the x-rays that we utilize acts as a window providing insight into an anatomical world otherwise unknown to the naked human eye. My interaction with patients lasts for mere minutes, I realized that I wanted to play a greater role in my patient’s care. I want to be a physician assistant because I increasingly sought more responsibility and want to have a more direct influence on my patients’ care. I want the ability to obtain a detailed history, provide personalized care, diagnose, and prescribe therapies to patients who look to me for assistance.

 

As a Radiology Technician, I was fortunate enough to have had the opportunity to work with many Physician Assistants in a variety of specialties including surgery, pediatrics, radiology, and emergency medicine. I was able to witness the many procedures that they performed as well as their autonomy in making medical decisions and having a larger role on a team. Back when I was still a new RT it was extremely intimidating working in the operating room with a team of highly trained orthopaedic surgeons, PAs, and nurses. A particularly helpful PA took time out of his busy schedule to further teach me the protocols, the procedures being done to the patient, and the best ways to utilize the C-arm without getting in the way of the providers. Throughout the ankle ORIF procedure he was a mentor teaching me, as well as assisting with the surgery. Aside from working in the OR, he also performed joint injections, and evaluated and treated orthopaedic problems. From those experiences I realized the versatility of PAs in the health care field.

 

Whatever the challenges I have encountered; watching my father face his mortality, returning to school, or facing the everyday obstacles associated with balancing work and life, all made me stronger, more prepared, and dedicated. I have learned that the road to success is not necessarily straight or paved, it is about following your goals no matter how daunting. The challenges I have overcome have led me to apply to physician assistant programs that require great sacrifice, hard work, determination, and motivation. I want to be able to prevent someone else from feeling the same way I did many years ago. I have the passion to take what I deserve and will continue to move forward with my goals. I am finally ready, prepared, and ecstatic to be taking the next step in my career, into the practice of medicine.

[NC30]

I think it has a good flow for the most part. The 4th paragraph is pretty solid.

 

No need to capitalize radiology technician and physician assistant.

 

I was confused reading the first 2 paragraphs. It sounds like you have a great story you see clearly in your head, but make sure adcoms get to see it too. What happened to your father?

 

Despite the difficulties, I had found fire out of the darkness that reignited passion back into my life. I decided to turn my life around and to search long and hard for a fulfilling career that would allow me to help others.

 

Clarify this (so that readers don't jump to conclusions w worst case scenarios) and use examples. Good luck

[ehuai]

I wasn't sure if I should have included that my father committed suicide, because I thought it would have seemed a bit too dark. 

[NC30]

I'm so sorry to hear it. I would mention it in your PS lest it get brought up in an interview and everyone is taken off guard. Not saying adcoms can't handle it but that oshit moment can be avoided. I say it can be worked into your PS w tact and handled correctly, will add another layer to your application.