PS Draft- Any suggestions or critiques are welcome!! Thank you!!

[mpisano12]

A wise man once said, “When it is darkest, men see the stars”. (Ralph Waldo Emerson).Throughout my life, I had a difficult time grasping such quotations because I had, for the most part, escaped facing any great turmoil or loss. I had witnessed the passing of family members, but no one truly close to me. However, when I was 25 my grandmother, and acting second mother throughout my life, suddenly experienced loss of function and feeling in her tongue. To our disbelief, the cause was a group of malignant cells gathered in her brain around the hippocampus. My family and I were in constant support from the beginning and catered to her every need. The promise of early recognition and positive feedback from her physician only increased my “Nana’s” optimistic outlook. However, what began as a seemingly minor issue with her feeding tube quickly escalated into a fatal meningitis infection. As I sat in her hospital room, staring incredulously at my grandmother’s lifeless body in her final moments, I vividly remember questioning how this situation occurred and what could have been done to prevent it. In this painful deliberation, an even greater desire to act as a compassionate servant of the medical community was ignited.

 

My passion to heal and facilitate to the needs of others those around me has remained steadfast throughout my life. From a young age, I was surrounded by medical professionals whom I would grow to admire. Courageous and heartbreaking stories of my mother’s life flight experiences and fascinating pediatric cases sparked my desire to become a physician. As a young and athletically driven child, I marveled at the possibility of being able to care of my childhood heroes such as Michael Jordan and Emmitt Smith. My first place science fair project even focused on the effects that fatigue has on precision in athletics, specifically free throw shooting.

 

Throughout high school, I geared my focus towards the physical sciences in preparation for pre-med. In addition, I volunteered at OSF Saint Francis Medical Center, which allowed my initial gratifying experiences serving in the medical field. Also, I took other leadership roles as a Student Ambassador and a TEC board member, which generated an even greater fervor to serve my fellow man. As pediatrics became an increasing interest of mine, my employment as a day camp counselor allowed an outlet to both learn from and care for children of many different ages and background. The HISRA program associated with the camp also allowed for me to spend ample time with the special needs children with both psychological and physical disabilities. Though I became very close to many of the children in their families, a child by the name of Clifford will always remain vivid in my memory. Clifford was like any other happy, charming 6 year old when I first met him. However, one day Clifford was taking part in a group soccer game, but seemed to be wandering and unaware of what was going on around him. In the weeks that followed, I learned that he had been diagnosed with a rare genetic disease which rapidly degraded his eyesight. As the summer progressed, the signs became more apparent, and by the time our winter camp had rolled around, Clifford had been declared legally blind. I took on the task of making Cliff feel welcome and included, such as walking him to our various activities, helping him change clothes, taking him down the waterslide, and playing his favorite board game Guess Who?.

 

I continued my journey towards the medical field as I entered the University of Illinois as a student in their highly respected Molecular and Cellular Biology program. The endless resources and extremely gifted minds that shaped my program allowed for me to develop a wealth of knowledge. However, “To whom much is given, much is expected”, as the saying goes, and for the first time I found myself somewhere other than the top of my classes. My struggles only increased my ambition to succeed in my goals to help others. It was in this dark time that I first also began seeing an academic advisor at the career center at the U of I. Guy was the first counselor who took the time to look past my academic statistics, and take a deeper look at my strengths with building trust and relationships with people, and how that could best fit with my drive to make a difference in the medical field. It was in this painstaking self reflection that Guy first told me about physician assistant as a career choice. As I started to find potential in Physician Assistant becoming a viable career option, I was also taking my first psychology class and became engrossed in the idea of being able to care for individuals on both a physical and psychological level. So, in a fearless attempt to one up the competition, I took the steps to take on Psychology as a second major. This task ended up being more daunting that anticipated, but the diverse perspective of human beings from both a social and physical level is an asset I would never trade.

 

Though I had taken a hiatus from formal education until recently, my candid curiosity and aspiration to aid others has never extinguished. For the past two years I have been employed at OSF Saint Francis Medical Center as part of the admitting department. Although the position does not require physical interaction with patients, we do act as a first contact for the majority of those coming into the facilities. This allows for me to make a connection with the patients and alleviate many of the concerns or questions they may have regarding their upcoming appointments. In doing so, I feel that I have gained a valuable insight as to how the general public feels about healthcare systems and what can be done to maximize its accessibility and efficiency. Also, the detail and compassion required from all staff members in order to provide competent and compassionate care while ultimately gaining the trust of the patient has become increasingly apparent. It is my feeling that without trust for your caregivers, true healing is more difficult to achieve.

 

Along with a gaining a wealth of knowledge as an employee at a healthcare facility, I have also been able to attain valuable insights to the medical field and continuously acquire knowledge through a variety of alternate resources. As I mentioned earlier, I was able to volunteer for Saint Francis Medical Center in high school. In addition, I was able to shadow a Pediatric Surgeon for a few days and view some fascinating surgeries. The intestinal malrotation procedure I witnessed Dr. Pearl perform is still one of my most vivid memories I have from any learning or medical environment. I have also had the privilege of shadowing a Physician Assistant of Nephrology as well as the Physician for whom she worked. Have the opportunity to follow both of them on rounds and have a strong interaction with many of the patients, a true sense of poise and fulfillment was gained. In addition, I was able to extract invaluable information on working as a Physician Assistant both in a hospital and private practice setting.

 

Physician Assistant is a calling that has resonated with me since I first learned of its existence. I believe my academic knowledge of biology and psychology along with passion for healthcare will allow me to flourish as a PA. In addition, the freedom to serve independently across many fields of medicine, while still allowing for a balance between healthcare and family is exactly the symmetry in my life I’ve been seeking Becoming a part of this field of dedicated health professionals would fulfill my aspirations of providing competent, compassionate care to individuals physically, while allowing the freedom to create lasting relationships with patients. I appreciate your consideration and look forward to studying under the guidance of your institution as I pursue the knowledge and experience needed to serve my fellow man.

[Just Steve]

I can't recall..how many words are you allowed for a PS?

[fyrelight74]

I can't recall..how many words are you allowed for a PS?

 

Depends on if you are going through CASPA or directly.

 

Was a bit wordy, but good job on spelling and grammar!

The main thought that ran through my head, though, was "Why haven't you spent time gaining hands on patient care experience?" Shadowing is nice, and healthcare related jobs are nice, but nothing can compare to getting your hands in the mix. You may need to explain this exclusion unless you are only applying to schools that don't require experience.

[Just Steve]

Depends on if you are going through CASPA or directly.

 

Was a bit wordy, but good job on spelling and grammar!

The main thought that ran through my head, though, was "Why haven't you spent time gaining hands on patient care experience?" Shadowing is nice, and healthcare related jobs are nice, but nothing can compare to getting your hands in the mix. You may need to explain this exclusion unless you are only applying to schools that don't require experience.

 

I agree with Pam's input. It was very well written and a pleasure to read but I am wondering if some editing may be due. PAMAC pointed out that 5000 characters are allowed on CASPA...I copy/pasted your essay into Microsoft Word and it's telling me with spaces you have 7933. With a word count of 1337, that is giving me about 6 characters dedicated per word on average. (spaces included). This is all rough math of course but kicking those numbers around, it's looking like you may need to cut your essay by about 488 words.....give or take. Assuming that you are applying via the CASPA system.

 

While your essay was easy to read and follow what I took away from it was you were doing well scholastically, then as the intensity of the classes increased, you faltered a bit. The essay leads the reader (at least this one) to believe you forewent your MD pursuits and opted for PA based on the suggestion of an adviser. You shadowed one PA and two doctors and worked in admissions for two years...there is a disconnect there that doesn't really highlight why you are choosing PA besides a suggestion of an academic advisor. Can you show us what steps you have taken to pursue this particular job over any other health care profession?

 

Perhaps you can tone back the comments early in your essay about your pursuit of med school. While it highlights your drive to work in medicine, it also sets you up for the question "Why did you stop?" All the reader has to work with is what you shared with us...which was academics. I am not sure that PA schools will be super keen on admitting students with a self admitted track record of being derailed by a difficult academic schedule. You not only stopped going to school, but you opted not to pursue any allied health training that would put you in direct patient contact.

 

As you can tell by my post, I am not known for brevity. I appreciate a desire to get a point across so I don't find fault with your word overrun, especially since it was so well written. But if you are using CASPA, and may need to trim it up by almost 500 words (give or take), perhaps you can focus a little less on being headed for med school and then chose not to, and focus more community engagement or other education and experiences you were involved in.

[mpisano12]

Thank you all so much for taking the time to critique my statement. Your thoughts have already made a huge difference.First of all, I realize this draft is too long. I tend to get a little wordy sometimes when I write, so I will definitely try to edit myself and take out some unneeded material. I agree with you PAMAC that paragraphs 2 and 6 could probably go. I didn't realize how much content I had and I appreciate your comment that this is a statement about me and my path towards becoming a PA. I am definitely taking that advice.

 

As for the patient care experience, I realize I am a little lacking in this department and probably should have explained that a little more in the statement. After I was hired by the hospital in 2009, I applied to various jobs within the facility that would give me at least some direct patient contact, but none of the departments had any hours to offer. At the time, the economy was bad enough where a full time position at a hospital with benefits was as close as I could get to direct patient care while allowing me to keep financially afloat. I am currently been trying to find some opportunities to volunteer to get some more experience and have also looked into getting certified as an EMT or CNA. However, currently I am retaking a couple of my pre-requisites to show both improvement and perseverance. Its been a little tough to find the time and money to do both, but still in pursuit. Any thoughts as to if I should include this information are appreciate.

 

For my academics, I did have some trouble in undergrad getting the A's that I was accustomed to getting. Also during this time, I was having some second thoughts as to why I personally wanted to become a doctor. For the majority of my life, that was really the only option I had been shown to pursue in the medical field. I knew I wanted to involve myself in caring for people, but to what extent and I suppose it was taking my first psychology class that made me realize that I possibly wanted more of a balance between the independence and responsibility of doctors, but wanted the ability to be able the concentrate more on patient care. This was when I was first told about the possibility of being a PA by my counselor. Though I had not made my mind up definitively that PA was my route at the time, I believed that a double major in psychology along with molecular and cellular biology would make me a much more well rounded medical professional and give me an advantage to counter my gpa. When I finished with college, I did not feel I had convinced myself I was ready to apply for school again. I applied for many positions to do research or work in my fields of study to gain some experience, but ultimately after a few months had to settle for an entry level job due to the economy. However, this position was in St. Louis and so I was locked into a lease and position for the year. Once I came back, I began looking to get back into the healthcare field and thus took my current position at the hospital. However, it was when my grandmother became ill that I decided that I was tired of wasting my skills and passion for caring for others. PA was the perfect balance between the ability to work independently, while still allowing the time to pursue a family life as well. As I edit this statement, I will definitely try to focus much less of my initial pursuit of med school and more on what what drew me to PA.

As I said earlier, I will go back and cut out a bunch of the unneeded information and focus more on my pursuit of PA. I was wondering if anybody had any thoughts as to if I should include some of my post-undergrad struggles and my path towards becoming a PA? I want to represent myself as a person well and share my story, but also want to show too weakness for obvious reasons. Please continue with any other suggestions you may have. I look forward to your insights on my next draft.

[Just Steve]

I think you need to conflate this last post with your first post into some sort of hybrid of the two...

[mpisano12]

I am completely with you Steve. I felt that way as I was writing the reply myself. There is definitely a lot of content that I wanted to add in the first draft but wasn't exactly sure how it would come off. I definitely want show my own personality and share my story without making it seem like I am trying to make excuses. I was also worried about my length, but after removing some unneeded material from that first draft I am hoping I will be able to add a lot more about my personal experiences and challenges in my path towards becoming a PA. I appreciate all the help and the insight. Sometimes you just need someone to tell you what you're already thinking I suppose. I'm gonna rework this beast and will post it as soon as it is ready. Please continue to share your thoughts or reservations. I am open to any and all opinions. Thank you again to all of you that have taken the time to help and share your thoughts. It is exactly what I needed.

[StudentPA]

A wise man once said, “When it is darkest, men see the stars”. (Ralph Waldo Emerson).Throughout my life, I had a difficult time grasping such quotations because, for the most part, escaped facing any great turmoil or loss. I had witnessed the passing of family members. When I was 25 my grandmother, suddenly experienced loss of function and feeling in her tongue. The cause was a group of malignant cells gathered in her brain around the hippocampus. My family and I were in constant support from the beginning and catered to her every need. The promise of early diagnosis from her physician only increased my “Nana’s” optimistic outlook. However, what began as a seemingly minor issue with her feeding tube quickly escalated into a fatal meningitis infection. Staring at my grandmother’s lifeless body, I vividly remember questioning how this situation occurred and what could have been done to prevent it. This resulted in a great desire to act as a compassionate servant of the medical community.

[StudentPA]

My passion to heal and facilitate to the needs of others those around me has remained steadfast throughout my life. As a child, I was surrounded by medical professionals whom I admired. My mother’s life flight experiences and fascinating pediatric cases sparked my desire to become a physician. As a young and athletically driven child, I marveled at the possibility of being able to care of my childhood heroes such as Michael Jordan and Emmitt Smith. My first place science fair project even focused on the effects that fatigue has on precision in athletics, specifically free throw shooting.

[StudentPA]

In high school, I focused on the physical sciences in preparation for medical school. I also volunteered at OSF Saint Francis Medical Center, which allowed me to serve in the medical field. There I took on leadership roles as a Student Ambassador and a TEC board member. As pediatrics became an increasing interest of mine, my employment as a day camp counselor allowed an outlet to both learn from and care for children of many different ages and background. The HISRA program associated with the camp also allowed for me to spend ample time with the special needs children with both psychological and physical disabilities. Though all the children were important to me a child by the name of Clifford will always remain vivid in my memory. He was like any other 6 year old when I first met him until one day Clifford was taking part in a group soccer game, but seemed to be wandering and unaware of what was going on around him. In the weeks that followed, I learned that he had been diagnosed with a rare genetic disease which rapidly degraded his eyesight. As the summer progressed, the signs became more apparent, and by the time our winter camp had rolled around, Clifford had been declared legally blind. I took on the task of making Cliff feel welcome and included, such as walking him to our various activities, helping him change clothes, taking him down the waterslide, and playing his favorite board game Guess Who?.

[StudentPA]

My journey towards the medical field continued as I entered the University of Illinois. The endless resources and extremely gifted minds that shaped my program allowed me to develop a wealth of knowledge. However, “To whom much is given, much is expected”, and for the first time I found myself somewhere other than the top of my classes. It was in this dark time that I first also began seeing an academic advisor at the career center at the U of I. Guy was the first counselor who took the time to look past my academic statistics, and see me as a person with good relationships with people. It was in this painstaking self reflection that Guy first told me about physician assistant as a career choice. I was taking my first psychology class at the time and became engrossed in the idea of being able to care for individuals on both a physical and psychological level and thus took on Psychology as a second major. The diverse perspective of human beings from both a social and physical level is an asset I would never trade.

[StudentPA]

Got to run to class. Good luck though. Just remember never say in 5 words what 3 will say just as well.