PS for non-CASPA school. Too wordy, could someone critique for content?

[kismet]

I wrote a draft of a PS for a private school and having some difficulties with the content. I wanted to know if someone's willing to comment on it.

(It's unique so I'd rather not post it). I'd be happy to PM.

Very much appreciated.

 

Here's my first paragraph:

Overcoming challenges and adversity most of my life has influenced me to dedicate to a career I have long dreamed. For several years, being involved as a medical assistant and consumed by science for over 14 years as a senior pharmaceutical researcher, I was committed to my compassion to care for others and intrigued by research and science. Both my struggles and accomplishments have earned me strength and determination and have been a cornerstone to my path towards a career in medicine as a physician assistant......

[kismet]

you could pm it to me if you want.

Thank you! Yourre awesome! I actually deleted two paragraphs to clean it up a bit.

I've sent it to you (it's just a draft so I'm sure there are grammatical errors to be found).

I'm wanting to know if it flows well and gets my point across.

Much appreciated.

[StudentPA]

Overcoming challenges and adversity most of my life influenced me to choose a career in health care. Being a medical assistant for over 14 years and a pharmaceutical researcher, I was committed to care for others and intrigued by research and science. I have learned strength and determination as a medical assistant and will use these skills to become an effective PA.

[kismet]

Overcoming challenges and adversity most of my life influenced me to choose a career in health care. Being a medical assistant for over 14 years and a pharmaceutical researcher, I was committed to care for others and intrigued by research and science. I have learned strength and determination as a medical assistant and will use these skills to become an effective PA.

Thank you!