Personal Statement--Criticism appreciated!

[eagrigg]

From leafing through my mother’s First Aid book as a child, to having a love for science in school, I've known I wanted to go into the medical field for as long as I can remember. For me, the opportunity to impact people's lives by meeting their basic physical needs is the most rewarding job out there.

Even though I have always had a desire to practice medicine, my desire to become a physician assistant has been set in stone from my experience. Knowing I wanted to go into the medical field, I got a job as a nursing assistant on a busy cardiac unit at Lynchburg General Hospital during my junior year of college. I did this to get a better idea of how health care works, and to make sure it is what I want to do with my life. Working this job has been a great eye-opener for me as to what physician assistants do, and has more-than-soldified my desire to become a physician assistant. It is one thing to learn in the classroom, but it is a completely different experience to have an elderly patient telling you through tears that she has no one left to take care of her, or to have a patient plant a kiss on your forehead after removing an IV carefully as to avoid bleeding . These are the moments where I realized health care is so much more than people’s physical needs, it’s caring about them as a person, and taking the time to listen and make them feel valued. My time at the hospital has helped me better understand what physician assistants do, how healthcare works, and how to communicate with patients and to take the time to listen to their needs.

Along with my hospital experience, I got the chance to intern at a free clinic in my hometown last summer. I spent the entire summer working with underprivilidged people who could not afford basic healthcare. Working with these people one-on-one and hearing their stories made me realize how much I wanted to help my community by working with the underserved. These patients rely heavily on physician assistants in that they provide a lot of the same services as doctors yet cost much less. I was able to spend a lot of time with the physician assistant that volunteered at the clinic. I watched as she conducted patient assessments by herself, but also observed that the doctor was there to assist her if she had a question. It showed me that physician assistants can work without supervision, but that it is there if they ask for it. It also proved that physician assistants are not on their own in an underserved setting, and that they are more an extension of the physician. This internship was the most rewarding healthcare experience and the biggest motivation behind my desire to become a physician assistant, because it showed me how valuable physician asssitants are when it comes to providing healthcare to underserved populations.

I know physician assistant school is a huge commitment, but I am up for the challenge. Unfortunately, my academic record as a whole does not show that. In between my sophmore and junior year of college, I suffered from depression as a result of back-to-back deaths of close family members. During this difficult time my grades suffered, and I struggled to get back on my feet academically afterwards. However, my grades did improve, and I finished the last 60 hours of my undergraduate work with a 3.35 GPA. In my last undergraduate semester, I took 20 credits, including organic chemistry, and worked part-time as a nursing assistant and came out with a 3.35 GPA for the semester. I only put the numbers in here to let you know that I am capable to handle the work, and I would be fully committed to doing whatever I had to do excel in your physician assistant program. This is my passion; what I want to do with the rest of my life. Nothing excites me like helping underserved people through medicine.

Since applying for last year’s cycle, I have taken some more undergraduate science courses, along with some graduate courses in communication in order to better prepare me for physician asssitant school. The science courses have helped prepare me for physician assistant curriculum, while the communication courses have helped me learn how to more effectively communicate with others, which is pertinent to good patient-care.

I know the path to becoming a physician assistant is a challenging one, but I know my background in health science, my hands-on experience with patients, and my passion for healthcare in underserved communities will carry me through to accomplishing my goal. I’m confident in my abilities, and look forward to one day becoming a sucessful physician assistant.

[StudentPA]

Over all it was a decent read. The use of "I" kind of bombarded me though. It can be tough though. You might also want to combine some sentences. Please note creative liscence was taken with some sentences. Please do not feel offended. This is simply meant to emphasize points of health care that you may have missed. Let me know what you think.

 

As a child, I knew that science was for me after leafing though my mom's First Aid book. In school my knowledge of the desire to go into the medical field grew stronger. This desire has been a part of me for as long as I can remember. Personally, the opportunity to change lives though meeting a person's basic needs is very rewarding.

Although I always possessed a desire to work in the field of medicine my experiences began to focus in the job of the physician assistant. Working at Lynchburg General Hospital, during my junior year of college, allowed me to obtain a better sense of how the health care system operates and allowed me ascertain whether it was what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. My experiences at Lynchburg General opened my eyes to the daily roles of the physician assistant. It also put into perspective the things that I learned thought my schooling. It is one thing to learn something in the classroom and quite another to experience it first hand. For example, imagine having an elderly patient say, through a stream of tears, that there is no one left to take care of her, or having a patient kiss your forehead after removing an IV to prevent bleeding. These are the moments that make health care special. Health care is more than just a job, it is about connecting with others. Simply talking and taking the time to listen to someone and making them feel valued can have a huge impact on a patient's life. In addition to my time at Lynchburg, I had the good fortune of interning at a free clinic for the summer in my home town of [insert home town here]. This experience allowed me to work with underprivileged people and to understand their pain at things as simple as not being able to afford basic health care.

One-on-one patient interaction is very important to me because each patient is different and each one has a different story to tell. By helping the individuals in [insert name of clinic here] the need for health care services for the underprivileged became abundantly clear to me. The high costs of health care meant that many patients at the clinic were seen by physician assistants that volunteered there. Once I watched a physician assistant conduct patient assessments autonomously and observed that a doctor was present to provide support for her. This showed me that health care is about working with and supporting others in order to provide quality care to those who so desperately need it. My internship at [insert clinic name] quickly became the largest motivation behind my desire to become a physician assistant, but I knew that there would be challenges along the way of getting there.

[StudentPA]

Taking a break for a moment. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programing...

 

Although I struggled during my sophomore and junior year of these challenges allowed me to develop a sense of mental toughness. This mental toughness allowed me to finish the last 60 hours my undergraduate work with a 3.35 semester GPA while simultaneously working part-time as a nursing assistant. Despite the obstacles encountered along the way I am more determined than ever to become a physician assistant. Medicine is my passion; it is what I want to do with my life. The rush of helping undeserved people allows me to live a dignified life and a dignified life is one worth living.

 

And there you have it. Just remember every time that you have a negative in your life turn it into a positive. The PS is a time to let yourself shine not to relive the challenges of your undergrad experience. Every potential PA does not have it easy because let's face it the PA profession is not easy. However, if you state how you overcome an obstacle it really helps to add to your credibility. Please do review my sentences as they have been written rather quickly and may not be 100% grammatically correct. One key thing to remember is to cut down on redundancy. You can state a point, but restating it over and over makes the piece seem clunky and not worth the read. Also I would add in a sentence or two or some how mention the skill sets the you gained though working. This will clearly explain to the people reading your letter that you are a competent health care professional with the ability to help patients in the area of xyz. Best of luck and I hope this helps.

[eagrigg]

Thanks for the feedback. I change some things. Thanks for taking the time to read it!

[eagrigg]

* will change

[StudentPA]

No problem. Best of luck. By the way how successful was I at eliminating the word "I"? Just wondering since I did not go back and count them. If you can please let me see the updated version. I am curious what changes you made.

[eagrigg]

OK So I made a few changes--tell me what you think..didn't change a ton, but maybe I need to. Thoughts/criticisms welcome : )

 

Fromleafing through my mother’s First Aid book as a child, to having a love forscience in school, I've known I wanted to go into the medical field for as longas I can remember. Personally, the opportunity to change lives by meetingsomeone’s basic needs is the most rewarding job out there.

Even though Ihave always had a desire to practice medicine, my desire to become a physicianassistant has been set in stone by experience. Knowing I wanted to go into themedical field, I got a job as a nursing assistant on a busy cardiac unit atLynchburg General Hospital during my junior year of college. The purpose ofthis job was to help me get a better idea of how health care works, and to makesure it is what I want to do with my life. Working this job has been a greateye-opener for me in that it not only showed me what physician assistants do,but that it more-than-solidified my desire to become one. It is one thing tolearn in the classroom, but it is a completely different experience to have anelderly patient tell you through tears that she has no one left to take care ofher, or to have a patient plant a kiss on your forehead after removing an IVcarefully to avoid bleeding. These are the moments where one realizes healthcare is so much more than meeting one’s physical needs, it’s about caring forthem as a person, and taking the time to listen and make them feel valued. Mytime at the hospital has helped me better understand what physician assistantsdo, how healthcare works, and how to communicate with patients by taking thetime to listen.

Along with myhospital experience, I was also able to intern at the free clinic in Lynchburg,Virginia last summer. The summer was spent working with underprivileged peoplewho could not afford basic healthcare. Working with these people one-on-one andhearing their stories made me realize how much I wanted to help my community byworking with the underserved. These patients rely heavily on physicianassistants because they provide a lot of the same services as doctors, yet costmuch less. I was able to spend a lot of time with the physician assistant thatvolunteered at the clinic. From watching her conduct patient assessments byherself, to observing her ask doctors questions when needed, the experience showedme that physician assistants can work with or without supervision. It alsoproved that physician assistants are not on their own in an underservedsetting, and that they are more an extension of the physician. This internshipwas the most rewarding healthcare experience and the biggest motivation behindmy desire to become a physician assistant. It showed me how valuable physician assistantsare when it comes to providing healthcare to underserved populations, and alsoallowed me to observe the medical world that I find so fascinating.

I know physicianassistant school is a huge commitment, but I am up for the challenge.Unfortunately, my academic record as a whole does not show that. In between my sophomoreand junior year of college, I suffered from depression as a result ofback-to-back deaths of close family members. During this difficult time mygrades suffered, and I struggled to get back on my feet academicallyafterwards. However, my grades did improve, and I finished the last 60 hours ofmy undergraduate work with a 3.35 GPA while working as a nursing assistantpart-time and taking heavy science courses. I only put the numbers in here tolet you know that I am capable to handle the work, and I would be fullycommitted to doing whatever I had to do excel in your physician assistantprogram. This is my passion; what I want to do with the rest of my life.Nothing excites me like helping underserved people through medicine.

Since applyingfor last year’s cycle, I have taken some more undergraduate science courses,along with some graduate courses in communication in order to better prepare mefor physician assistant school. The science courses have helped prepare me forphysician assistant curriculum, while the communication courses have helped melearn how to more effectively communicate with others, which is pertinent togood patient-care.

I know the pathto becoming a physician assistant is a challenging one, but I know mybackground in health science, my hands-on experience with patients, and mypassion for healthcare in underserved communities will carry me through toaccomplishing my goal. I’m confident in my abilities, and look forward to oneday becoming a successful physician assistant.

[eagrigg]

Fromleafing through my mother’s First Aid book as a child, to having a love forscience in school, I've known I wanted to go into the medical field for as longas I can remember. Personally, the opportunity to change lives by meetingsomeone’s basic needs is the most rewarding job out there.

Even though Ihave always had a desire to practice medicine, my desire to become a physicianassistant has been set in stone by experience. Knowing I wanted to go into themedical field, I got a job as a nursing assistant on a busy cardiac unit atLynchburg General Hospital during my junior year of college. The purpose ofthis job was to help me get a better idea of how health care works, and to makesure it is what I want to do with my life. Working this job has been a greateye-opener for me in that it not only showed me what physician assistants do,but that it more-than-solidified my desire to become one. It is one thing tolearn in the classroom, but it is a completely different experience to have anelderly patient tell you through tears that she has no one left to take care ofher, or to have a patient plant a kiss on your forehead after removing an IVcarefully to avoid bleeding. These are the moments where one realizes healthcare is so much more than meeting one’s physical needs, it’s about caring forthem as a person, and taking the time to listen and make them feel valued. Mytime at the hospital has helped me better understand what physician assistantsdo, how healthcare works, and how to communicate with patients by taking thetime to listen.

Along with myhospital experience, I was also able to intern at the free clinic in Lynchburg,Virginia last summer. The summer was spent working with underprivileged peoplewho could not afford basic healthcare. Working with these people one-on-one andhearing their stories made me realize how much I wanted to help my community byworking with the underserved. These patients rely heavily on physicianassistants because they provide a lot of the same services as doctors, yet costmuch less. I was able to spend a lot of time with the physician assistant thatvolunteered at the clinic. From watching her conduct patient assessments byherself, to observing her ask doctors questions when needed, the experience showedme that physician assistants can work with or without supervision. It alsoproved that physician assistants are not on their own in an underservedsetting, and that they are more an extension of the physician. This internshipwas the most rewarding healthcare experience and the biggest motivation behindmy desire to become a physician assistant. It showed me how valuable physician assistantsare when it comes to providing healthcare to underserved populations, and alsoallowed me to observe the medical world that I find so fascinating.

I know physicianassistant school is a huge commitment, but I am up for the challenge.Unfortunately, my academic record as a whole does not show that. In between my sophomoreand junior year of college, I suffered from depression as a result ofback-to-back deaths of close family members. During this difficult time mygrades suffered, and I struggled to get back on my feet academicallyafterwards. However, my grades did improve, and I finished the last 60 hours ofmy undergraduate work with a 3.35 GPA while working as a nursing assistantpart-time and taking heavy science courses. I only put the numbers in here tolet you know that I am capable to handle the work, and I would be fullycommitted to doing whatever I had to do excel in your physician assistantprogram. This is my passion; what I want to do with the rest of my life.Nothing excites me like helping underserved people through medicine.

Since applyingfor last year’s cycle, I have taken some more undergraduate science courses,along with some graduate courses in communication in order to better prepare mefor physician assistant school. The science courses have helped prepare me forphysician assistant curriculum, while the communication courses have helped melearn how to more effectively communicate with others, which is pertinent togood patient-care.

I know the pathto becoming a physician assistant is a challenging one, but I know mybackground in health science, my hands-on experience with patients, and mypassion for healthcare in underserved communities will carry me through toaccomplishing my goal. I’m confident in my abilities, and look forward to oneday becoming a successful physician assistant.

[eagrigg]

guh i dont' know why it's posting with the words squished together, annoying...

[StudentPA]

The letter seems very heartfelt. My word that is hard to read with the squished words. I know it is not your fault, just makes the reading harder. Just make sure you have no spacing issues when you finally send it in to CASPA and you will be fine.