Anyone willing to look over my personal statement?

[ckl257]

any comments/criticism will be helpful! thank you in advance!

 

A couple months ago, my grandmother complained of abdominal pain, nausea, and vomiting and was sent to the emergency room because of her age. This is where I encountered my first physician assistant. Only familiar with physicians and nurses, I was intrigued by her autonomy and prominent role in the emergency room. From this experience, I was open to the idea of becoming a physician assistant and began to research more on this profession.

 

Working as a clinical medical assistant at an urgent care center, on a regular day I will triage on average 30 patients, and perform tasks such as drawing blood, collecting and preparing lab specimens, performing EKGs, ear irrigations, finger sticks, optical exams, and assist with IV therapy, sutures, and abscess incision and drainage. Additionally, I serve as a translator for Korean-speaking patients. I enjoy my role as a medical assistant because I am able to make each patient’s experience as efficient and enjoyable as possible. Each and every patient has impacted me on my journey to becoming a physician assistant.

 

One patient in particular I recall was a Korean-speaking female patient who complained of upset stomach and vomiting. A couple days prior, she had gone to the ER for a fever and back pain and when she tried to explain her symptoms with broken English, she was given a prescription for Vicodin. I completed a urinalysis and the doctor concluded that it was pyelonephritis. Dr. ___, an experienced ER physician, explained to me that her upset stomach was most likely due to the strong pain medicine she was given despite her tiny frame of only 95 pounds. “That’s what the ER does. They want you in and out. If you complain of pain, the answer is Vicodin.” A little more time and concern from the professional could have saved the patient from further pain and distress. Experiences like these infuriate me and motivate me to become a professional who will take time with each patient to provide quality care.

 

During the four years I have been at the urgent care center, the doctors have also influenced me in one way or another. I have worked under Dr. ____ for over four years. He is a figure I have come to look up to and respect very much. He has taught me everything I know, from blood draws to injections to removal of stitches. I support him during procedures such as incision and drainage and sutures and view in awe as he completes them with precision and ease. What amazes me even more than his skill, however, is his sincere care for his patients. As owner of the practice as well as the medical director, he must balance patient care and the financials of running a business. He consistently goes above and beyond for even the uninsured patients while charging as minimal as possible. I aspire to be like him, a medical professional who is revered by his patients and one who works to serve the community. He has served as a huge inspiration during my professional journey.

 

On the other end of the spectrum, another doctor I have worked with gives out Percocet like candy and is always in a rush to get patients out the door. After working with various physicians, nurse practitioners, and medical assistants throughout the years, I have come to realize that the degree that you possess or the number of years you went to school is insignificant. What truly matters is your empathy and compassion for the patients. I possess the compassion it takes to be a successful medical professional, and as a physician assistant, I hope to benefit the community to the best of my ability.

 

Working as a medical assistant with a diverse group of medical professionals, I appreciate working in a team and hope to work with a supervising physician who upholds similar values as I do. Apart from my experience at an urgent care center, I have worked as a pharmacy technician pondering the idea of pharmacy school, but disliked the lack of patient interaction. After years of contemplating my future, I have decided to pursue a career as a physician assistant. My strong science background from my undergraduate years at ____ will enable me to succeed academically and my experience with patient care will support my endeavors. My ultimate goal is to work in emergency medicine, either at an urgent care center or the emergency room. Sometime in the future, dermatology is also a field I would be interested in, as I have assisted Dr. ___ with skincare and cosmetic procedures and found the experience very rewarding. Becoming a physician assistant would give me the flexibility to explore my interest in all of these disciplines. Ultimately, I strive to become a physician assistant aspiring to serve the community, especially the minorities and uninsured, hoping to make a difference despite how small that difference may be.

[hlane]

P1- I would take out 'because of her age' since you list her symptoms already it isn't necessary.

 

P2- remove the 'will' before triage- it is something you already do, not something you will do. Otherwise a VERY strong paragraph- bilingual, trained, A+ if you need less characters you can shorten your task list.

 

P3- I would take out the quote “That’s what the ER does. They want you in and out. If you complain of pain, the answer is Vicodin.” Pointing the finger at other people isn't the best thing to do in a personal statement. Someone on the admissions committee could be an ER physician. Up to you.

 

P4- this paragraph isn't about you. I think it would be best to write about some volunteering you've done, or combine this paragraph with some other things that motivated you to be a PA. This is your Personal Statement, make it about you.

 

P5- Making someone else look bad doesn't make you look good. I would take this paragraph out.

 

P6- I wouldn't talk about considering pharmacy school- maybe expand on your time as a pharm tech earlier in the statement as well. Last sentence doesn't fit in with the rest of your statement- it would fit if you elaborated on serving the community earlier on. don't say you're going to make a small difference.

 

Overall I like your writing style, and the flow of your statement kept me reading. Hope this helps! Good luck!

[ckl257]

thank you for your input! i definitely agree that putting anything negative in my statement will probably not help me .. and i still need to change P4 to be more about me

 

this is a second draft! (definitely not my final draft, still a work in progress) any more comments would be appreciated!

 

 

A couple months ago, my grandmother complained of abdominal pain, nausea, and vomiting and was sent to the emergency room. This is where I encountered my first physician assistant. Only familiar with physicians and nurses, I was intrigued by her autonomy and prominent role in the emergency room. From this experience, I was open to the idea of becoming a physician assistant and began to research more on this profession.

 

Working as a clinical medical assistant at an urgent care center, on a regular day I triage on average 30 patients, and perform tasks such as drawing blood, collecting and preparing lab specimens, performing EKGs, ear irrigations, finger sticks, optical exams, and assist with IV therapy, sutures, and abscess incision and drainage. Additionally, I serve as a translator for Korean-speaking patients. I enjoy my role as a medical assistant because I am able to make each patient’s experience as efficient and enjoyable as possible. Each and every patient has impacted me on my journey to becoming a physician assistant.

 

One patient in particular I recall was a Korean-speaking female patient who complained of upset stomach and vomiting. A couple days prior, she had gone to the ER for a fever and back pain and when she tried to explain her symptoms with broken English, she was given a prescription for Vicodin. I completed a urinalysis and the doctor concluded that it was pyelonephritis. Dr. ____ explained to me that her upset stomach was most likely due to the strong pain medicine she was given despite her tiny frame of only 95 pounds. A little more time and concern from the professional could have saved the patient from further pain and distress. Experiences like these infuriate me and motivate me to become a professional who will take time with each patient to provide quality care.

 

During the four years I have been at the urgent care center, the doctors have also influenced me in one way or another. I have worked under Dr. ___ for over four years. He is a figure I have come to look up to and respect very much. He has taught me everything I know, from blood draws to injections to removal of stitches. I support him during procedures such as incision and drainage and sutures and view in awe as he completes them with precision and ease. What amazes me even more than his skill, however, is his sincere care for his patients. I aspire to be like him, a medical professional who is revered by his patients and one who works to serve the community. He has served as a huge inspiration during my professional journey.

 

After working with various physicians, nurse practitioners, medical assistants, certified nursing assistants, and even front desk receptionists throughout the years, I have come to realize that we all have one thing in common. We all encompass empathy and compassion towards the patients. I have realized that the degree that you possess or the number of years you went to school is insignificant. We all strive for the same goal, which is to provide quality care to patients and to benefit the community. I strongly believe that I possess the motivation and compassion it takes to be a successful medical professional.

 

Working as a medical assistant with a diverse group of medical professionals, I appreciate working in a team and hope to work with a supervising physician who upholds similar values as I do. After years of contemplating my future, I have decided to pursue a career as a physician assistant. My strong science background from my undergraduate years at ___ will enable me to succeed academically and my experience with patient care will support my endeavors. My ultimate goal is to work in emergency medicine, either at an urgent care center or the emergency room. Sometime in the future, dermatology is also a field I would be interested in, as I have assisted Dr. ___ with skincare and cosmetic procedures and found the experience very rewarding. Becoming a physician assistant would give me the flexibility to explore my interest in all of these disciplines. Ultimately, I strive to become a physician assistant aspiring to serve the community, especially the minorities and uninsured, hoping to make a difference.

[Beorp]

hlane covered a lot of good points. I'll add a few thoughts for you to consider or ignore.

 

I wouldn't make reference to the incident with your grandmother happening a couple of months ago since it may seem like your decision to become a PA is not something you have taken much time to think though.

 

 

 

"Each and every patient has impacted me on my journey to becoming a physician assistant."

 

To me, this line seems like something that you think they want to hear but that is just too good to be true. If it is a genuine statement, then I'd keep it, but really... every single urgent care patient impacted your journey to become a PA?

 

 

"Experiences like these infuriate me and motivate me to become a professional who will take time with each patient to provide quality care."

 

"On the other end of the spectrum, another doctor I have worked with gives out Percocet like candy and is always in a rush to get patients out the door."

 

These are two examples of negativity that I think your PS would me much stronger without. They can be adjusted to still get your point across without using words like "infuriate." Certainly others may disagree with me on this, but when there is a way to stay positive in a PS or cover letter I would always go with that over being negative.

 

 

"After working with various physicians, nurse practitioners, and medical assistants throughout the years, I have come to realize that the degree that you possess or the number of years you went to school is insignificant. What truly matters is your empathy and compassion for the patients."

 

Sure, empathy and compassion may matter, but that alone doesn't make someone better. Maybe they would eat this up, but personally I would not be impressed by that. PAs are well educated and that education does matter so I wouldn't be putting in the word "insignificant" when it comes to anything with education.

 

 

 

Just my suggestions. Best of luck!