Need some constructive criticism please

[umhbcrusader40]

I've had a few other people read this, but they aren't applying to PA school. I need some constructive criticism on how to make this a great personal statement.

 

I remember the look in everyone’s eyes as we sat there hooked up to our IV’s with our own individual chemotherapy drugs. There is emptiness and fear in all of these eyes including mine. At 24 years old, I never thought that I would have to endure bi-monthly chemo treatments, CT scans, PET scans, the loss of my hair, and possibly the loss of my life. I could only hope my stage II Hodgkin’s Lymphoma would be put in remission by these drugs that made me feel worse than the cancer itself.

 

Chemotherapy twice a month is scary, but the once a month check up was even more frightening. At any time you could hear the words, “The treatment isn’t working” or “The cancer is back”. Each visit with the doctor was preceded by seeing the physician assistant. Both of these women who worked with my oncologist were professional caring people that had the knowledge and skills necessary to treat cancer patients. They did quick physical assessments of each patient, went over medications, and pulled up the test results for the doctor. It was during one of these monthly checkups that my oncologist confessed that he could never get everything done if it weren’t for his physician assistants. This admission brought my attention to the profession, and how important physician assistants are to patient care.

 

As I thought about how important physician assistants are in a variety of settings, I found a local San Angelo physician assistant who would allow me to shadow him in a pediatrics practice. While shadowing, I learned many important lessons that are now the driving force behind my choice to pursue becoming a physician assistant. Mr. Stevens had his own patients that would request to see him. He provided ongoing care for children, and developed trusting relationships with the children’s parents so that they felt comfortable with him treating their children. This experience, coupled with my rural upbringing, made me realized that physician assistants play an invaluable role in rural and underserved healthcare. Some of these parents would drive an hour for their child to see the physician assistant because he was their primary healthcare provider.

 

Growing up in rural west Texas, my family was always treated by a physician assistant at the local hospital and clinic. The PA was an important addition to the two local doctors because the wait time for a doctor visit was usually two weeks. The PA was a primary health care provider for many people in the community and was a well respected part of the medical team. As the primary health care provider the physician assistant had the freedom to do patient assessments, order tests, and treat the patients based on his assessments. If he had a question, the doctor was always there to assist or lead him to the correct answer. The physician assistant doesn’t need to know all of the answers in a rural or underserved setting. He or she is there to serve as an extension of the physician. Someone that can help in any way possible so that the healthcare needs of the community can be met. While shadowing Mr. Stevens and thinking about rural medicine, I realized that building relationships with people is an important part of the job as a physician assistant. There needs to be trust between the PA and the patient and this has to be gained by having the knowledge to adequately treat patients’ symptoms.

 

My experience as a cancer patient, shadowing a physician assistant, and witnessing first hand rural healthcare I realize that being a physician assistant is also about learning. A physician assistant does not have to know everything about medicine or a certain specialty. Physician assistants have the opportunity to meet with their supervising doctor or doctors to ask questions, observe procedures, and learn more about areas in which they are interested. As someone who uses every opportunity to learn something new, I enjoy the ability the physician assistant has to continuously learn from other professionals in healthcare.

 

My life motto is, “Never Give Up”. Life experiences have taught me to confront challenges, take responsibility, build relationships with others, have compassion, and never stop learning. I believe my life motto, along with life experiences have lead me to the point that I can meet the challenges of becoming a physician assistant if given the chance.

[cooltrainer]

I think your paper is beautifully constructed. I enjoyed reading your intro and it really pulled me in. I sincerely respect all of what you have been through and experienced. I will not pretend to say I am the best writer out there... but I do have a couple of comments only as suggestion--

 

**"The physician assistant doesn’t need to know all of the answers in a rural or underserved setting. He or she is there to serve as an extension of the physician. Someone that can help in any way possible so that the healthcare needs of the community can be met." and " A physician assistant does not have to know everything about medicine or a certain specialty. Physician assistants have the opportunity to meet with their supervising doctor or doctors to ask questions, observe procedures, and learn more about areas in which they are interested."

 

I would not go this far in stating that PAs do not need to know everything.... I don't think this adds value and actually in my opinion demeans the profession. In a lot of settings PAs are the only medical professionals available and MDs will only check in every so often. PAs need leadership qualities, too, not just "piggy backing" on the MDs, so I would format that in a way where PAs in your paragraph are not so undermined. Also, as a side note, I shadowed a PA that sometime knew more than the MD ...we're all human and so are they.

 

**I gained from your paper that you enjoy the strong relationship between PA/patient that is necessary, etc. I totally agree. However, I'm not sure exactly where you state that you enjoy the whole medical relationship between the patient. Do you find diagnosing their symptoms exciting? Basically, where is the bridge between your illness that you experienced and the relationship aspect that you love so much - is it that you want to be there for people like you and you feel like you'll be more able to be compassionate towards them ebcause you've been in their shoes? Do you enjoy the science part of disease, where you now understand the importance of finding cures and/or advancement in diagnostic procedures, etc....

 

Overall, I do like your paper. I just see you stating a lot of what a PA is and how you think they are good for the community and relationship.... however, I'm missing some personal aspect of why PA is hands-down thing you need to do to fulfill your career goals. Finally, Don't just say at the end " if I'm given the chance" - you know you will be a PA... know it!

 

Hope this helps.... maybe it doesn't... all are suggestions and thoughts!

[fyrelight74]

Agree with above.... That statement about what PAs can do or not do is the only one that really bothered me.

[umhbcrusader40]

Thank you for all of your suggestions!

[Just Steve]

nice job. I think you have a really good base to your PS and it will carry some weight. I am a firm believer nothing makes you a better provider than being a patient yourself. To be a patient to the degree that you were/are, that's hard earned experience.

 

Some of your paragraphs got a little wordy with describing what they were doing...some of the material was almost in a report form of what the PA does/did. While I feel it's important to illustrate your knowledge of the difference of PA verses other health care providers, you may have swung the pendulum a bit far the other way.

 

I like the rural health care, I like the "extension of the physician" (it is where MEDEX, UW's program gets their name). I am definately down with the life long student angle but I may be sure to include that a big part of your education will be self motivated, inspired by your patients needs and questions. You will be doing the review of journals, researching the information, searching PubMed on your own. Your SP hires you to see patients, not to inundate them with questions.

 

Good luck

[IdahoPA]

Please don't take anything I say as negative. I wrote a PS too, and I appreciate all that goes into them. Your intro hits hard and I'm immediately intrigued about what you're going to say. Dealing with such a weighty diagnosis so young couldn't have been easy. I like that you comment on it, but you don't drown in it. I do, however, feel that we lose you somewhere in the middle around "Growing up in Texas...." You want the readers to be able to connect with you and remember you out of the many, many papers they'll be reading. I love your conclusion. Strong, short and connects us to you.