scottd Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 I've written a few different statements and I think this one is the best so far. I think it's concise enough to fit the 5,000 character limit. Any thoughts on what to improve or change? From a young age I was taught that hard work and discipline pay off. I knew that in order to get where I wanted to go in life I must put forth effort and be committed to achieving the goals I set for myself, which is what I have done and will continue to do. As someone who finds great interest and intrigue in the medical field, I feel that a career as a physician assistant is the perfect choice for me. It is something that will allow me the opportunity to overcome challenges and to continue to grow both educationally and personally, while at the same time letting me help people in my community. As a child I had several hospital visits to fix broken arms and also for the removal of my appendix. I was pleasantly surprised by the genuine concern shown by the hospital staff and for the care I received during my stays. I was young at the time and was nervous about staying a week in the hospital by myself, but there was always someone there to take care of me. Both of my parents are also familiar with hospital visits; my dad for the removal of his pituitary gland and my mom for many breast cancer procedures. Each time I visited one of them in the hospital I felt reassured of the skill and compassion of the staff on hand. I knew that I too wanted to make a difference in peoples’ lives one day, and becoming a physician assistant would allow me to do so each day. From the moment I decided which career path to take I have had a driving will to accomplish my goal and help improve my community. For that reason I have been volunteering at a local hospital once each week for the past 16 months. I have learned so many things from some really great doctors and nurses who truly care about each and every patient. Their knowledge and skill is very admirable and fuels my driving will even further. I also began working at the local senior living facility. Each day there is a surprise; moods of residents can change at the drop of a hat and I never know what could happen. Being able to react quickly to any situation has been a must, whether it has been to prevent choking or reacting to a resident getting injured or even difficulty breathing. This job has allowed me to show my true colors by giving me the opportunity to care for those less able to care for themselves. It is so gratifying to hear how much I am appreciated when I help someone complete a task that they are unable to complete for themselves. I feel I have really improved the quality of life for many senior citizens and can’t wait to continue to improve the lives of those in my community in my future career as a physician assistant! A successful physician assistant must be committed to helping others, which I certainly am. Besides the healthcare experience I talked about above, I have also been a certified personal trainer. I was able to coach many people into a healthier way of life. I am extremely interested in bettering the lives of those around me and want to be able to do so for my entire life. As a physician assistant I will find everything I am looking for: the ability to help others, the need to challenge myself daily and the opportunity for life-long learning. My expanding education through my many experiences has gotten me to places I feel fortunate to be associated with today; and as I proceed on my way, I know it will bring me the great opportunities I seek in medicine, both in the near and distant future. It is for that reason I ask you to open a door for me on my journey into medicine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeguilfo Posted July 12, 2011 Share Posted July 12, 2011 Overall you do an alright job at making a statement and showing, though experience, how that statement is true. However, you are several drafts away from writing the compelling, professional piece that will sway the adcoms. A few things: "Both of my parents are also familiar with hospital visits; my dad for the removal of his pituitary gland and my mom for many breast cancer procedures." The gist of the paragraph seems to be focused on how welcoming you view healthcare providers. I would cut this down. Maybe spend a sentence or two on how you feel welcomed. Stating your and your families medical histories in a personal statement may make sense w/in the context, but you are devoting too many words to something that, when compared to HCE or shadowing, is not as important. "I have learned so many things from some really great doctors and nurses who truly care about each and every patient. " I recommend expanding on what specifically you have learned. Tell the adcoms exactly what skills, values, and habits you plan to carry into the healthcare field. However, note that lessons learned through observing doctors/nurses will not be taken as seriously as lessons learned through direct patient care experiences. Also, what was your position as a volunteer at the hospital? "I also began working at the local senior living facility." As what? "It is so gratifying to hear how much I am appreciated when I help someone complete a task that they are unable to complete for themselves." I would rephrase this sentiment or take it out entirely. Well, its a good start, and there is more to talk about, but this essay needs to go through several eyes and revisions before being considered complete. #1 Find a lit major friend/ visit your schools writing department and have them fine tooth comb this for you-- you will have a much stronger essay for it. I noted several cliches and generalizations in this essay, which weakens the message you are trying to convey. Also, several sentences have awkward structure and pacing, which further detracts from your points. I hope this review helped! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottd Posted July 12, 2011 Author Share Posted July 12, 2011 Thanks for help! I'll definitely be changing some things after what you've mentioned. I know I'm not there yet, but I'll keep working on til it's right. I'll repost it after I revise it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just Steve Posted July 12, 2011 Share Posted July 12, 2011 Reads like a generic bit designed to be broadcast to a wide audience including med schools, nursing schools, and PA schools. I didn't see anything about what you have learned is specific to the PA field. Why PA school? What experience have you had that has sold you that this is the gig for you? Just writing "as a physician assistant..." doesn't tell me, as the reader, what you know about the PA profession. show the reader why you want to be a PA...we want PA positive folks to help propel the profession forward. Be excited about the field you want to enter, not generic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottd Posted July 12, 2011 Author Share Posted July 12, 2011 Thanks for the tip! I'll be sure to rework it and add "why PA" in there. I want to get away from a generic statement and make it stand out some how. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottd Posted July 12, 2011 Author Share Posted July 12, 2011 Here is the reworked copy so far. It's under the 5,000 charcter limit for CASPA. What do you think? From a young age I was taught that hard work and discipline pay off. I knew that in order to get where I wanted to go in life I must put forth effort and be committed to achieving the goals I set for myself, which is what I have done and will continue to do. As someone who finds great interest and intrigue in the medical field, I feel that a career as a PA is the perfect choice for me. It is something that will allow me the opportunity to overcome challenges and to continue to grow both educationally and personally, while at the same time letting me help people in my community. Throughout my life I have had several encounters with hospitals, all of which turned out well. My parents and I have been treated with great care and respect while being patients in the hospital. Based on those personal experiences I have always viewed medical professionals in a positive way and also desire to become a medical professional such as those I have interacted with. From the moment I decided which career path to take I have had a driving will to accomplish my goal and help improve my community. For that reason I have been volunteering in the Infusion Care Center at a local hospital once each week for the past 16 months as an aide responsible for stocking medical supplies, interacting with patients, and helping with medication setup and lab draws. It is certainly reassuring to be able to work alongside medical professionals who value ethics and whose morals reflect their compassionate way of interacting with patients, which is a habit I plan on carrying with me throughout my career in medicine as well. I have learned so many things from those professionals who truly care about each and every patient. I have learned about many different types of IV medications used for things such as cancer treatment, kidney failure, blood disorders, and more. Monitoring the rate of flow of these IV medications is extremely important in ensuring proper treatment in the Infusion Care Center. I have also been fortunate enough to learn about different medical supplies, such as PICC lines, and how they are placed and used in administering IV medications. The knowledge and skill of the medical staff is very admirable and fuels my driving will even further. With mentors like them I feel confident in my future as a PA. I also began working at the local senior living facility as a CNA. Each day at work is a surprise; residents' moods can change quickly and I never know what might happen. Being able to react quickly to any situation is a must, whether it is to prevent choking, reacting to a resident getting injured, or even difficulty breathing. This job allows me to show my true colors by giving me the opportunity to care for those less able to care for themselves. I feel I am really able to improve the quality of life for many senior citizens and can't wait to continue to improve the lives of those in my community in my future career as a PA! PA shadowing experience has also given me the desire to make this my career. Interacting with PAs in different specialties has shown me multiple perspectives on the field; each one allowing for a rewarding medical career. I find the freedom to treat patients, as well as having a great deal of patient contact, very appealing. Plus, the versatility of the profession is an attractive feature not seen in many other areas of medicine. As someone who craves mental stimulation and is dedicated to helping others, this is where I belong. A successful PA must be committed to helping others, which I certainly am. Besides the healthcare experience I talked about above, I have also been a certified personal trainer. I was able to coach many people into a healthier way of life. I am extremely interested in bettering the lives of those around me and want to be able to do so for my entire life. As a PA I will find everything I am looking for: the ability to help others, the need to challenge myself daily, and the opportunity for a lifetime of learning. My expanding education through my many experiences has gotten me to places I feel fortunate to be associated with today. As I proceed on my way, I know it will bring me the great opportunities I seek in medicine, both in the near and distant future. It is for that reason I ask you to open a door for me on my journey into medicine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottd Posted July 12, 2011 Author Share Posted July 12, 2011 I made a few more changes. Do you think it's a good? What would you change? From a young age I was taught that hard work and discipline pay off. I knew that in order to get where I wanted to go in life I must put forth effort and be committed to achieving the goals I set for myself, which is what I have done and will continue to do. As someone who finds great interest and intrigue in the medical field, I feel that a career as a PA is the perfect choice for me. It is something that will allow me the opportunity to overcome challenges and to continue to grow both educationally and personally, while at the same time letting me help people in my community. Throughout my life I have had several encounters with hospitals, all of which turned out well. My parents and I have been treated with great care and respect while being patients in the hospital. Based on those personal experiences I have always viewed medical professionals in a positive way and also desire to become a medical professional such as those I have interacted with. From the moment I decided which career path to take I have had a driving will to accomplish my goal and help improve my community. For that reason I have been volunteering in the Infusion Care Center at a local hospital once each week for the past 16 months as an aide responsible for stocking medical supplies, interacting with patients, and helping with medication setup and lab draws. It is certainly reassuring to be able to work alongside medical professionals who value ethics and whose morals reflect their compassionate way of interacting with patients, which is a habit I plan on carrying with me throughout my career in medicine as well. I have learned so many things from those professionals who truly care about each and every patient. I have learned about many different types of IV medications used for things such as cancer treatment, kidney failure, blood disorders, and more. Monitoring the rate of flow of these IV medications is extremely important in ensuring proper treatment in the Infusion Care Center. I have also been fortunate enough to learn about different medical supplies, such as PICC lines, and how they are placed and used in administering IV medications. The knowledge and skill of the medical staff is very admirable and fuels my driving will even further. With mentors like them I have been able to network throughout the hospital and create lasting relationships. In addition, they have helped instill a sense of confidence in me, and I am certain that a career in medicine as a PA is my ultimate aspiration. PA shadowing experience has also given me the desire to make this my career. Interacting with PAs in different specialties has shown me multiple perspectives on the field; each one allowing for a rewarding medical career. In the emergency department I had the chance to shadow a PA several times who allowed me to act as his assistant, giving me reign to help in charting patients who required treatment and to sit-in on patient visits, some of which resulted in diagnostic testing, surgeries, burn care, stitching procedures, and applying casts. I find the freedom to treat patients, as well as having a great deal of patient contact, very appealing. Plus, the versatility of the profession is an attractive feature not seen in many other areas of medicine. As someone who craves mental stimulation and is dedicated to helping others, this is where I belong. I also work at the local senior living facility as a CNA. Each day at work is a surprise; residents' moods can change quickly and I never know what might happen. Being able to react quickly to any situation is a must, whether it is to prevent choking, reacting to a resident getting injured, or even difficulty breathing. This job allows me to show my true colors by giving me the opportunity to care for those less able to care for themselves. I feel I am really able to improve the quality of life for many senior citizens and can't wait to continue to improve the lives of those in my community in my future career as a PA! A successful PA must be committed to helping others, which I certainly am. Besides the healthcare experience I talked about above, I have also been a certified personal trainer. I was able to coach many people into a healthier way of life. I am extremely interested in bettering the lives of those around me and want to be able to do so for my entire life. As a PA I will find everything I am looking for: the ability to help others, the need to challenge myself daily, and the opportunity for a lifetime of learning. My expanding education through my many experiences has gotten me to places I feel fortunate to be associated with today. As I proceed on my way, I know it will bring me the great opportunities I seek in medicine, both in the near and distant future. It is for that reason I ask you to open a door for me on my journey into medicine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just Steve Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 Likes: you have some experience and appear motivated. That is a good thing. room to improve: I still haven't seen anywhere here that tells me as a reader what is different between PA and MD. Just for fun, every time you have written "PA", put in "MD" and the essay doesn't change. Noting this difference is what tells me as a reader, that you know what the role of the PA is and that you are prepared to fill that particular role. For some folks that difference is just in the amount of school they have to grind though. Other folks it is the comfort knowing they always have someone to consult with, other folks it is the ability to bounce from specialty to specialty. There are bunches of reasons..pick a couple. overall I don't think your PS is bad. I don't think it's a "re do". But it doesn't float to the top of the stack whispering "pick me" either. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottd Posted July 18, 2011 Author Share Posted July 18, 2011 Thanks for the advice. I'll get to work on fine tuning things a little better and telling what I know specifically about PA. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottd Posted July 18, 2011 Author Share Posted July 18, 2011 Thanks for the advice. I'll get to work on fine tuning things a little better and telling what I know specifically about PA. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texaspa2014 Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 I agree with the previous posters, and offer another suggestion: be careful on your use of punctuations. A semicolon should only be used if you can separate the two segments in two complete non-run-on (for lack of a better word) sentences; if you are following the semicolon with a phrase (such as in paragraph 4), replace it with a comma instead. Also, you should consider why you not only want to be a PA opposed to an MD, but a PA instead of an NP, and include that in your narrative. It will show that you have given this career choice complete consideration. If you run out of space and need to delete something, I would remove the second paragraph-- it doesn't hurt your essay but doesn't add anything either. Best of luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texaspa2014 Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 I agree with the previous posters, and offer another suggestion: be careful on your use of punctuations. A semicolon should only be used if you can separate the two segments in two complete non-run-on (for lack of a better word) sentences; if you are following the semicolon with a phrase (such as in paragraph 4), replace it with a comma instead. Also, you should consider why you not only want to be a PA opposed to an MD, but a PA instead of an NP, and include that in your narrative. It will show that you have given this career choice complete consideration. If you run out of space and need to delete something, I would remove the second paragraph-- it doesn't hurt your essay but doesn't add anything either. Best of luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottd Posted July 18, 2011 Author Share Posted July 18, 2011 Thanks for all the help everyone! I really appreciate it! I've made some more adjustments. How's this looking? From a young age I was taught that hard work and discipline pay off. I know that in order to get where I want to go in life, I must put forth effort and be committed to achieving the goals I set for myself, which is what I have done and will continue to do. As someone who finds great interest and intrigue in the medical field, I feel that a career as a PA is the perfect choice for me. It is something that will allow me the opportunity to overcome challenges and to continue to grow both educationally and personally, while at the same time allowing me to help people in my community. I feel that PA, as opposed to NP or MD, will offer what I am seeking in a medical career. The appeal of clinical rotation through various specialties without regard to post-graduation career path is unmatched by NP. I also find the rigorous schooling inviting, as it allows for a quicker transition into the career field, and thus helping others, than MD. Plus, the versatility specific to the PA profession, and being able to go between specialties, is an attractive feature not seen in other areas of medicine, all while being able to consult with other medical professionals to treat patients. As someone who favors the medical model of schooling, I know that PA will challenge me to succeed. From the moment I decided which career path to take I have had a driving will to accomplish my goal and help improve my community. For that reason I have been volunteering in the Infusion Care Center at a local hospital once each week for the past 16 months as an aide responsible for stocking medical supplies, interacting with patients, and helping with medication setup and lab draws. It is surely reassuring to be able to work alongside medical professionals who value ethics and whose morals reflect their compassionate way of interacting with patients, which is a habit I plan on carrying with me throughout my career in medicine as well. I have learned about different types of IV medications used for things such as cancer treatment, kidney failure, blood disorders, and more. Monitoring the rate of flow of these IV medications is extremely important in ensuring proper treatment in the Infusion Care Center. I have also been fortunate enough to learn about different medical supplies, such as PICC lines, and how they are placed and used in administering IV medications. The knowledge and skill of the medical staff is very admirable and fuels my drive even further. With mentors like them I have been able to network throughout the hospital and create lasting relationships. In addition, they have helped instill a sense of confidence in me, and I am certain that a career in medicine as a PA is my ultimate aspiration. PA shadowing experience has also given me the desire to make this my career. Interacting with PAs in different specialties has shown me multiple perspectives on the field, each one allowing for a rewarding medical career. In the emergency department I had the chance to shadow a PA several times who allowed me to act as his assistant, giving me reign to help in charting patients who required treatment and to sit-in on patient visits, some of which resulted in diagnostic testing, surgeries, stitching procedures, and applying casts. I find the freedom to treat patients, as well as having a great deal of patient contact, very appealing. As someone who craves mental stimulation and is dedicated to helping others, this is where I belong. I also work at a local senior living facility as a CNA. Each day at work is a surprise; residents' moods can change quickly and I never know what might happen. Being able to react quickly to any situation is a must, whether it is to prevent choking, reacting to a resident getting injured, or even difficulty breathing. This job allows me to show my true colors by giving me the opportunity to care for those less able to care for themselves. I feel I am really able to improve the quality of life for many senior citizens and can't wait to continue to improve the lives of those in my community in my future career as a PA! A successful PA must be committed to helping others, which I certainly am. Besides the healthcare experience I talked about above, I have also been a certified personal trainer. I was able to coach many people into a healthier way of life. I am extremely interested in bettering the lives of those around me and want to be able to do so for my entire life. As a PA I will find everything I am looking for: the ability to help others, the need to challenge myself daily, and the opportunity for a lifetime of learning. My expanding education through my many experiences has gotten me to places I feel fortunate to be associated with today. As I proceed on my way, I know it will bring me the great opportunities I seek in medicine, both in the near and distant future. It is for that reason I ask you to open a door for me on my journey into medicine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottd Posted July 18, 2011 Author Share Posted July 18, 2011 Thanks for all the help everyone! I really appreciate it! I've made some more adjustments. How's this looking? From a young age I was taught that hard work and discipline pay off. I know that in order to get where I want to go in life, I must put forth effort and be committed to achieving the goals I set for myself, which is what I have done and will continue to do. As someone who finds great interest and intrigue in the medical field, I feel that a career as a PA is the perfect choice for me. It is something that will allow me the opportunity to overcome challenges and to continue to grow both educationally and personally, while at the same time allowing me to help people in my community. I feel that PA, as opposed to NP or MD, will offer what I am seeking in a medical career. The appeal of clinical rotation through various specialties without regard to post-graduation career path is unmatched by NP. I also find the rigorous schooling inviting, as it allows for a quicker transition into the career field, and thus helping others, than MD. Plus, the versatility specific to the PA profession, and being able to go between specialties, is an attractive feature not seen in other areas of medicine, all while being able to consult with other medical professionals to treat patients. As someone who favors the medical model of schooling, I know that PA will challenge me to succeed. From the moment I decided which career path to take I have had a driving will to accomplish my goal and help improve my community. For that reason I have been volunteering in the Infusion Care Center at a local hospital once each week for the past 16 months as an aide responsible for stocking medical supplies, interacting with patients, and helping with medication setup and lab draws. It is surely reassuring to be able to work alongside medical professionals who value ethics and whose morals reflect their compassionate way of interacting with patients, which is a habit I plan on carrying with me throughout my career in medicine as well. I have learned about different types of IV medications used for things such as cancer treatment, kidney failure, blood disorders, and more. Monitoring the rate of flow of these IV medications is extremely important in ensuring proper treatment in the Infusion Care Center. I have also been fortunate enough to learn about different medical supplies, such as PICC lines, and how they are placed and used in administering IV medications. The knowledge and skill of the medical staff is very admirable and fuels my drive even further. With mentors like them I have been able to network throughout the hospital and create lasting relationships. In addition, they have helped instill a sense of confidence in me, and I am certain that a career in medicine as a PA is my ultimate aspiration. PA shadowing experience has also given me the desire to make this my career. Interacting with PAs in different specialties has shown me multiple perspectives on the field, each one allowing for a rewarding medical career. In the emergency department I had the chance to shadow a PA several times who allowed me to act as his assistant, giving me reign to help in charting patients who required treatment and to sit-in on patient visits, some of which resulted in diagnostic testing, surgeries, stitching procedures, and applying casts. I find the freedom to treat patients, as well as having a great deal of patient contact, very appealing. As someone who craves mental stimulation and is dedicated to helping others, this is where I belong. I also work at a local senior living facility as a CNA. Each day at work is a surprise; residents' moods can change quickly and I never know what might happen. Being able to react quickly to any situation is a must, whether it is to prevent choking, reacting to a resident getting injured, or even difficulty breathing. This job allows me to show my true colors by giving me the opportunity to care for those less able to care for themselves. I feel I am really able to improve the quality of life for many senior citizens and can't wait to continue to improve the lives of those in my community in my future career as a PA! A successful PA must be committed to helping others, which I certainly am. Besides the healthcare experience I talked about above, I have also been a certified personal trainer. I was able to coach many people into a healthier way of life. I am extremely interested in bettering the lives of those around me and want to be able to do so for my entire life. As a PA I will find everything I am looking for: the ability to help others, the need to challenge myself daily, and the opportunity for a lifetime of learning. My expanding education through my many experiences has gotten me to places I feel fortunate to be associated with today. As I proceed on my way, I know it will bring me the great opportunities I seek in medicine, both in the near and distant future. It is for that reason I ask you to open a door for me on my journey into medicine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
latonj Posted July 19, 2011 Share Posted July 19, 2011 The second paragraph has good content, but needs to be rewritten paying attention to grammar and sentence flow. For instance, it's a little awkward reading about "PA" instead of "the PA profession" or "a career as a PA" or "working as a PA".. Also, the "rigorous schooling" isn't the difference between med school and PA school: med school is probably even more rigorous. I think you already know this, but the sentence makes it seem like PA school is more rigorous. Hope this helps, good luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
latonj Posted July 19, 2011 Share Posted July 19, 2011 The second paragraph has good content, but needs to be rewritten paying attention to grammar and sentence flow. For instance, it's a little awkward reading about "PA" instead of "the PA profession" or "a career as a PA" or "working as a PA".. Also, the "rigorous schooling" isn't the difference between med school and PA school: med school is probably even more rigorous. I think you already know this, but the sentence makes it seem like PA school is more rigorous. Hope this helps, good luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottd Posted July 20, 2011 Author Share Posted July 20, 2011 Thanks for the input! I really appreciate everyone's help on this! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottd Posted July 20, 2011 Author Share Posted July 20, 2011 Thanks for the input! I really appreciate everyone's help on this! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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