CASPA NARRATIVE..thoughts?

[bbrown41788]

HERE'S MY ROUGH DRAFT; ANY THOUGHTS/EDITS? Please be contructive, I really appreciate it guys.:::::

 

From early childhood, I have always had a sense of amazement and respect for the complexity of the human body and the miracles in which it functions. Growing up with a strong influence from my relatives in the medical field initially sparked my interests. Countless occurrences proved this to be beneficial for my father, the youngest of three brothers; as well as myself, the younger of two sons. The practice of medicine became first-hand as a child, when a particular day of yard work resulted in my brother’s lacerated finger. My fascination grew when I was lucky enough to be allowed to watch my own great-uncle stitch the finger. My brother, still crying was calmed by his assuring voice and confidence. I will never forget his precision and skill even at his late age. I have been inspired ever since to obtain a career to help people, and to be able to do so for a lifetime.

 

Upon entering college, I hadn’t ruled out any career path. I made every attempt to broaden my horizons through a variety of courses and clubs. I was involved in areas such as the Finance Club, Real-estate club, and even the tennis club. I have strived to be a lifelong student not only in medicine, but also in other disciplines including wildlife biology. During my time at the College of Charleston, I took advantage of many opportunities including working for the school’s health and recreation department as well as the using the remarkable marine laboratory to conduct my own research project through the graduate school.

 

After becoming exposed to as much as I could, I realized that studying medicine would be the road to a rewarding career far beyond salary. Upon graduation I began pinpointing the right fit into the medical field. I began shadowing a nurse practitioner at a local hospital. On my second day I scrubbed up and as I rushed down the hall she asked “Have you eaten breakfast? Does blood make you queasy?” As my heart began pumping in excitement I was taken directly into the OR to view a Carotid Endarterectomy at the head of the table. As I experienced more surgeries, I became more and more intrigued as my nerves calmed. I realized being thrown into the deep end had never been more liberating.

 

I networked around the hospital and began shadowing an anesthesiologist assistant. As I continued to see a larger variety of surgeries, I found myself more interested in the duties of the surgical physician’s assistant present, rather than the intubation. I enjoy working in a team setting, and I knew becoming a mid-level provider would be a good fit. Since, I have shadowed a three PA’s in areas such as orthopedics, rehabilitation, and urgent care. In all shadowing experiences I have been very fortunate in my mentors’ engaging me as if I were part of the team. I am orally quizzed as well as given study material to look at for “homework”. In the urgent care setting for instance, I am given a symptom report and treated as if I were on my rotation. Though I lack the PA training, it has given me a great understanding of methods in diagnosing, following protocol, and most importantly learning that your books remain your best tool in the office. My orthopedic experiences have been quite similar in assessing patients by examining x-rays, MRI, McMurray tests, and more. Seeing such a broad spectrum of pathologies has opened my eyes to the duties, possibilities, and flexibility of a PA between specialties.

 

While shadowing during this post-bachelorate time, I worked as a DME specialist. Despite the acquired emotional toughness of retrieving hospice beds, working with patients on the use of items such as oxygen, nebulizers, and CPM machines was quite enjoyable and a great experience. I was later offered a job at a regularly visited hospital as a rehabilitation technician. I accepted the job where I am currently employed. This job has entailed the responsibilities of a CNA in conjunction with aiding in both the occupational and physical therapy of patients. Whether a stroke patient of a recent knee replacement, I have been a student on all aspects of each patient’s recovery. I have been fortunate to shadow the PA there to gain a better understanding of the patients’ course of treatment. Building relationships with patient from all walks of life has solidified my love for medicine

 

All this has led me to realize that I want to help people directly, through means of their most valuable possession—their health. Becoming a physician’s assistant will not only be a stable and flourishing career choice, but a career that will be as challenging as it is rewarding. I will continue to be a lifelong student in the effort to become the best physician’s assistant I can possibly be. This career is a perfect fit for my personality’s affinity for teamwork, service, work ethic, and the appreciation of the human body.

[GeneValgene]

i'm not a good writer, so i can't help you out so much...but here are just some things i saw

 

- i don't think "post-bachelorate" is that common of a term? did you mean post baccalaureate?

- also, some people on this board really don't like the term "physician's assistant"...i think the more commonly accepted name these days is "physician assistant", without the apostrophe and s

[nicole.a]

I agree with the comments above, and I would also suggest taking every sentence out of passive voice. You've only got a couple (and they are mostly at the beginning), but they weaken the statement, I think.

 

Also, I think an adcom might question why you want to be a PA if you've shadowed only AAs and NPs (and the first experience with the stitching of the finger is likely with an MD). You might have shadowed a PA, and if you have, talk about it. Adcoms want to know that PA is for you, and that it's not a second choice to AA or NP or MD/DO.

 

Finally, I totally agree with the statement by PAMAC "and this is a personal statement you are supposed to be writing, not an account of other peoples skills and work that you saw. and they can quiz you and integrate you all they want to, and you still aren't a member of the healthcare team in that role. when a personal statement comes at shadowing with a tone that makes it sound like they were part of the action, its more offputting than scaling it back to a more realistic level." I want to see you in this narrative, rather than a relay of interesting events you might have experienced. I also agree that paragraph five should really be where the narrative starts--maybe even paragraph six. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think this sentence: "All this has led me to realize that I want to help people directly, through means of their most valuable possession—their health" is your thesis statement. That's why you really want to be a PA, right? If so, don't hide it in the last paragraph.

 

I hope this helps a bit. I know that writing the personal statement takes a ton of work. Keep at it! You'll get there! :)

-Nicole

[bbrown41788]

I appreciate the comments guys! yes, it seems quite hard to avoid passive voice while trying to tell my history. I know shadowing is more or less me simply observing the greatness of others, but I do want to include it somehow to show how much I been exposed to. I agree however, I do need to sell my own merits. Should I talk more about my work experiences?

 

Lastly, I took a bunch of courses in undergrad in wildlife biology/oceanography..things of that nature. I am afraid a admission committee may ask questions as to why I took these classes if I knew I wanted to study medicine. I want to somehow address why I took the courses I did, and how it directed me toward the medical field.

 

I also feel that it is so tough to stand out from others in the narrative; being that practically all students discuss the "PA epiphany" and supporting experience. How did you all stand out in that regard? Thanks again!

[nicole.a]

"I also feel that it is so tough to stand out from others in the narrative; being that practically all students discuss the "PA epiphany" and supporting experience. How did you all stand out in that regard? Thanks again!"

 

Hey bbrown,

I think you stand out by having a well-developed central idea. A personal statement, like any other good essay, needs a thesis. And then that thesis needs to be supported by specific and clear examples. Your essay will stand out if you have this, simply due to the fact that so many lack it. If somebody asked you "Why PA school?" and you had to answer in just one well-developed sentence, what would you say? Use that as your starting point.

 

Also, I don't think you have to explain your Biology/Oceanography classes. From what I understand, PA schools love a well-rounded and multifaceted individual. I think they like seeing that you have interests other than medicine. If they ask you about it in the interview, you can explain. I'll bet they don't even ask. I'm pre-PA, though, so I'm just passing on what I've read/heard.

 

Best,

Nicole

[bbrown41788]

Thanks again; here is an update version. I thinned out a bit in regards to my courses we spoke of, I left one sentence stating despite all the opportunities I realized medicine was my path...at least thats what I'm trying to say--also tried to form my thesis early. I talked more about my work experiences, and less on how engaging my shadowing was. I still have passive issues, and probably choice of wording. I would like it to flow a little better as well. Am I heading in a better direction?? Thanks again:::::::

 

 

My interests in studying medicine were initially sparked by a strong influence from a number of relatives in the medical field. I was exposed first-hand to the practice of medicine, when I was able to observe my great-uncle stitch my brother’s finger. I will never forget the precision and skill in which he worked, even past his sixties. I knew I too wanted to pursue a career of lifelong service. In search of that career, I entered college as a pre-med student. However, I took every opportunity to broaden my horizons and become a student of many areas of interest including real-estate, finance, and wildlife biology. Even after exposure to a wide array of disciplines, a simple jogging injury would solidify my underlying interest in medicine. Having my ankle wrapped, I could see that studying medicine would be the road to a career of service, rewarding far beyond salary. I now know that I want to serve people directly, through the means of their most valuable possession—their health.

 

Pinpointing the right fit into the medical field, I joined the volunteer group at a local hospital and began shadowing a nurse practitioner. Immediately I enjoyed the duties and teamwork of the mid-level provider. Intrigued, I began observing surgeries on just my second day. Standing at the head of the operating table for the first time was a liberating moment. Never had I felt so excited about any field of work. Through this opportunity I have managed view a variety of operations including coronary bypass, a colectomy, and hip replacements. After networking around the hospital, I found myself drawn to the duties of the surgical physicians assistant. The close contact with patients, and the mixture of teamwork and autonomous nature became personal selling points of the PA profession. Since, I have pursued the career fervently through continued school, employment, and the shadowing of physician assistants. I have shadowed a three PAs in areas of orthopedics, rehabilitation, and urgent care. I have seen a broad spectrum of pathologies varying from the common cold to torn menisci. This has sold me on the duties and possibilities of a PA between specialties.

 

To gain more medical exposure I obtained work as a Durable Medical Equipment Specialist. As a DME specialist, I have been certified in a number of areas including BLS, first-aid, and infection control. By working with patients on the application of items such as oxygen concentrators, nebulizers, and CPM machines I have strengthened my preparedness for the PA career in different ways. Among these are better communication skills with patients, knowledge of equipment, exposure to various types of hospitals, and even the emotional toughness acquired from retrieving hospice items. I was later offered a job at HealthSouth, a regularly visited hospital, as a rehabilitation technician. This job has entailed the responsibilities of a CNA in conjunction with aiding in both the occupational and physical therapy of patients. Through this position, I have conducted bedside and bathroom aid as well as patient assessment and exercises. I work closely with the hospital’s nursing, doctors, and even their PA in order to provide the best patient care. My DME expertise has benefited me more than I had imagined and has given me quite an advantage. Throughout the hospital, I am found to not only manually fix equipment issues, but also to participate with case managers in DME discharge orders.

 

I have requested my employers to treat me as a student as well as an employee. Whether a stroke patient or a recent knee replacement, I have been involved on all aspects of patients’ recovery. I am summoned at every instance of a code, fall, or even assessment of therapy in order to learn. I have absolutely loved working closely with patients; whether that be helping correct gait, motor function, or simply eating. When a patient refuses to come to therapy, I am sent to retrieve them by using motivating conversation. I enjoy building relationships and trust with the patients, and it seems it has been mutual thus far. Returning to work every week I am told by staff that patients wanted to know why I was off. “Where is he?”

 

What makes a good healthcare professional, is not only their knowledge and confidence, but also their ability to connect with their patients. I have realized that no one is happy to have their health in jeopardy; but a patient’s recovery, or even final days can be positively impacted by the professional’s personality. I believe I have not only the capacity and work ethic to become a confident provider, but also possess the personality to be a great PA. I have been told on numerous occasions that I am a “miracle worker.” Such a small comment is a reward larger than any. For me the PA profession will as rewarding as it is challenging. This career is a perfect fit for my personality’s affinity for teamwork, service, work ethic, and the appreciation of the human body.

[nicole.a]

Agreed :).

[bbrown41788]

I'm still a little worried about my opening paragraph; like you guy said, I need a transition. Is the "jogging incident" a little too cheesy?? Its a true story however, and I attempted to use it to transition into medicine as a field of service; ie rewarding beyond just a paycheck...unlike much of the other disciplines I've seen. Did I get the message across adequately? Thanks again!!