Personal Statement Review

[sammy]

To fill the gap…

 

 

One beautiful winter night of January 2007, the phone rang. A call that changed our lives, especially mine. A call that carried the news that we wished we never heard.

 

“He has cancer.”

 

My uncle, who was all packed up and ready to go back to his workplace after a month vacation in India, didn’t in a lifetime think of quitting his job to be treated for bone cancer. I didn’t accept the news, because I never thought that this tornado would strike my home. After months of treatment he was laid to rest on December 2007.My family was devastated. We were not prepared for this storm. I have heard of other individuals having cancer, but didn’t imagine that someone that I am close to would be a victim. Disaster struck again, another uncle was diagnosed with throat cancer. After a year of suffering and treatment he too passed away. I only could hear their pain and suffering from more than 7000miles through the phone. I wished I could be there for them to give at least some words of hope and support. I wished I was able to do something for them.

 

 

From a young age I had my mind set in the medical field. It was a bypass surgery that I saw on TV that opened my eye to the world of medicine. I was young when I saw the show, but since then my goal was set towards medicine. I wanted to be a doctor because doctors save lives, that’s all I knew about doctors back then. As I grew I worked towards accomplishing that dream.

 

In 2005 I came to America. Like every other immigrant students it was hard in the beginning to get used to the new culture. As 12th grade approached it was time to make some life decisions. Since my family was recently settled, the idea of me entering med-school was lofty. So I researched other interesting fields and came down to two, Pharmacy and Physician Assistant. With these two choices I started college.

 

It was during my first year in college that I came to know about my second uncle who had throat cancer. It was extremely hard for to me to accept the news. The thoughts about me being there for them started to haunt me. It was then I decided to become a Physician Assistant. I realized that as a PA you can treat your patients physically and also fill in the emotional gaps that the doctors can’t fit in their busy schedule. I decided that I wanted to give the hope and support to my patients that I couldn’t offer to my uncles. The cancer news hit me very hard that I realized the severity of this disease.

 

So I decided to get hands on learning experience about the PA program. I shadowed Physician Assistants in the ER at a nearby hospital. It was a wonderful experience as I got to learn about the career. The patients that came to the ER thought they were going to see a doctor and would refer the PA as doctor even though they mention that they are Physician Assistant. While shadowing I learned that a PA diagnose and treat a patient exactly like a doctor does. But the way the PA approached a patient was more amiable than a doctor did. They filled in the gap what a doctor missed in his busy schedule. It was very inspiring to see how well the PA worked with the time and also in getting to know the patient. I also learned under what circumstances you need to consult your supervising physician. One experience was when the PA consulted her doctor about a case which she ended up calling the child support. The mother gave an unreliable reason as to what caused the injury to her child. To me it was very well a learning experience and useful in my future, because I have only heard about child support system, didn’t know much about it and how it works. It was the affable approach of the PAs that touched me the most. The PAs I shadowed gave me the answer as to what I can provide as a PA to my patients what I couldn’t to my uncles.

 

In the future as a PA I would like to influence someone in life like how the PAs that I shadowed influenced me. One influential story that I would like to share is how my PA influenced a boy to start a new chapter in life. This young lad was like any other patients, but that visit changed his life. While the PA was checking the patient, the patient asked about what a PA was. So the PA started to explain about the profession and how he became one. The boy told that he was a dropout and how he feels bad about doing that. So the PA encourage him by saying that if he has the will, he will find a way out. He advised him about getting his GRE and continuing his education. “There are opportunities waiting for you, all you need is to pick one and move forward with determination.” This PA also taught me how one can be influential in life with some little encouraging words. When I become a PA I want to work in the oncology department as a dedication to my uncles and to the many who lost their battle against cancer. I have two goals when I become a Physician Assistant. One is to provide my patients with hope and support. I want to assuage their pains and fear of death by giving them love, hope and support that I wished I could do for my uncles. As a PA I want to fill in the gap between a patient and their doctor. The second one is to encourage someone who wants to give up on their horrible life by saying that if mankind closes hundred doors before them, God will open one for them at the right time.

 

 

I did appreciate your thoughts on this PS.

Thank you.:smile:

[PAhopefull]

Good: you state how you came to aspire to be a PA in ur PS.

Improve: " But the way the PA approached a patient was more amiable than a doctor did. They filled in the gap what a doctor missed in his busy schedule" You have implied that PA's have more time than MD/DO's. It is not true - they both are equally time constrained. Additionally, the first sentence in the quote implies that all MD/DO's are unfriendly. It is highly unprofessional to criticize anyone or any profession for that matter regardless of your opinions. I would also suggest that you include in you PS why you think you would be a good PA.

 

good luck!

[sammy]

thank you.

I didn't actually mean to criticize a doctor, but I guess the way I wrote it was wrong. But thanks for pointing it out. I will work on it.

[Hemegroup]

Why haven't you mentioned anything about your patient care experience?

[mktalon]

I am going to heavily criticize this because if you really want to be a PA then you need to and can do better than this. I hate to say it, but this personal statement just doesn't seem very personal. It seems generic and contrived, as if you were just coming up with things off the top of your head to write (this may not be true, but that is how it is perceived). The stories aren't bad stories, but they lack a general focus and a sense of passion. A really inspiring personal statement will generally have a some kind of theme that all experiences are tied to. In addition, when a personal statement is written it should be written with a sense of urgency and passion, like you just had to get your story down because it is the best thing anybody could hear. The stories you tell about the experiences you have had with your uncles can be touching stories, but I just don't feel your emotion in the way you have written this. I don't mean to trivialize your uncles cancer, but I am pretty sure there are going to be hundreds of personal statements given to each school that include a story of someone getting sick. You have to make yours stand out amongst the rest of these kinds of stories. Telling them your uncle had cancer so you decided to become a PA, with minor elaboration, is not enough. Make your story focused, make it passionate, make it personal, make it inspiring. On top of everything else, grammar needs improvement throughout; take it to a writing center at a local community college. Also, don't refer to doctors as "him." It assumes all doctors are male, which is not true, and might even cause offense. There are many extraneous sentences, like: "One influential story that I would like to share..."