Personal Statement Criticism, Questions

[pa school bound]

Hello,

I've been working on my narrative for CASPA. This is my second year applying to PA programs and the first thought I had upon receiving my last rejection letter was, "oh no, I have to write another personal statement!" Writing is not my strong suit. So, I've been working on this but would really appreciate some feedback. I am having a difficult time touching on all the bases that motivate me to become a PA without sounding generic. I am also not sure if what I am thinking/feeling is coming through on the page. Opinions: Should I directly address that this is my second time applying? Does my essay come off as too generic? In traditional essays, the intro and conclusion should re-cap ideas presented in the essay--from samples I've read, this rule does not apply in application essays--do you agree? I've had an incredibly hard time getting the amount of experience schools want--is there any way I could/should address this (that I take every opportunity I have)? I would be incredibly thankful for any feedback on this essay--I really want to make it in this year!

 

When I first considered becoming a PA, I sought deeper purpose and something that would utilize my genuine interests and abilities. While working as a healthcare analyst, I completed an EMT night course in the fall of 2008. The first definitive step I took to prepare for PA school hooked me. From then on I’ve had the potential to help others in trouble rather than standing by helplessly. Since that EMT course, and since my last application, I have had more experience in patient care, shadowing opportunities, and completed all prerequisite courses. These experiences have only made me more passionate to begin education and a career as a PA.

 

As a healthcare analyst, I was challenged, yet the work ultimately felt trivial. I felt my life was being wasted since I wasn’t helping others in a meaningful way. I believe in the importance of quality, accessible healthcare. Chronic illness during high school and college affected all areas of my life, including academics and relationships. I know from this experience that when people are well, they can live happier, fuller lives and I feel passionate about facilitating this for others. I want to be in a profession that will improve access to healthcare as well as allow me to share my enthusiasm for well-being, science, and problem solving.

 

In my previous career, I enjoyed and excelled at the analytical work of investigating and explaining abnormalities in studies, often the result of a complex combination of factors. I was reminded of this process when I observed a PA diagnose a tension headache. Using well-posed questions and a physical examination, he was able to determine the underlying cause of the pain. While this diagnostic process reminded me of a positive aspect of my previous experience, I was deeply struck by the personal nature and relief provided by the outcome. I want the challenge of diagnosing and treating patients.

 

In my past experience, I was happiest during rare projects in which I had a high level of interaction and felt more part of a team. PAs have a variety of unique relationships with supervising physicians, nurses, and patients, all of which are critical to the PA’s success. Early on, I learned from my mother, a nurse in a pediatrician’s office that the entire team truly is essential to the successful treatment of patients. Shadowing, I have seen the trust and respect that must exist between the PA and supervising physician. This unique partnership, built in to the PA profession, lends to PA job satisfaction and resulting success and is one of the factors that draw me to the profession.

 

I am also inspired by the power of the PA-patient relationship. As a patient, I was utterly reliant on the PA treating my fractured clavicle; I trusted him unconditionally to guide me to the best possible outcome. I’ve taken careful note of the way providers interact with their patients. Each experience is a true education, giving insight into the PA I aspire to be: to listen carefully without judgment, to show compassion and respect, and to speak clearly with kindness and honesty. I admire the approach of one PA who had a great rapport with his patients and put particular emphasis on providing his patients with information, empowering the patient to take part in their own healthcare. Working on the ambulance, patients seem comforted when you (I try to??) think in terms of their perspective, explaining procedures, and show them respect by keeping them informed and comfortable.

 

I am excited to be in a field that is advancing, growing and changing and I welcome the commitment to continuing education. I am eager to begin working with patients directly following formal education, and I will continually improve the care I provide by learning via several avenues. I look forward to the stimulation of improving on my ability to provide effective treatment through a supervising physician, formal education and through thoughtful self-evaluation. PAs have the unique opportunity to work in various specialties and settings and this in itself is an opportunity that allows for broader perspective when examining a patient in any setting.

 

It was only through life experience that I learned to listen to my inner voice and take action to follow my interests and values. With a naturally inquisitive personality and background in sciences, I am inclined to search for cause and effect, an important quality for a PA. I believe I am a good fit for the PA profession because I am eager to begin practicing and helping patients but as I have shown throughout my career, I enjoy and value continuing to learn. I am looking forward to a career as member of the health care team whose mission is improving not only the accessibility to healthcare, but also the health and consequently the lives of their patients. Ultimately, I want to know each day that my life’s work is in line with my personal values and that I have the potential to impact someone else’s life in a positive way.

[Planteater]

When I first considered becoming a PA, I sought deeper purpose and something that would utilize my genuine interests and abilities.

Change to: When considering a PA career, I was seeking deeper purpose and utilization of my genuine interests and abilities.

The first definitive step I took to prepare for PA school hooked me.

Change to: This first definitive step....

Since that EMT course, and since my last application, I have had more experience in patient care, shadowing opportunities, and completed all prerequisite courses.

Change to: Since that EMT course and my last application, I have experienced more patient care, shadowed X number of hours, and completed all prerequisite courses.

 

I don't have time to go through the whole thing like this, but I figured I would help you grammatically with your first paragraph. I am no expert: just someone who took lots of advanced level English in past and happens to remember a few things, so you can take my advice for what it is worth. I am not sure about the content since I am just a pre-PA, but I do think you should leave out the part criticizing your job as a healthcare analyst. I think I would just focus on the positives of my past job. You never know if a healthcare analyst will be on your adcom. I hope that helps you get started.

[GeneValgene]

I am not sure about the content since I am just a pre-PA, but I do think you should leave out the part criticizing your job as a healthcare analyst. I think I would just focus on the positives of my past job. You never know if a healthcare analyst will be on your adcom. I hope that helps you get started.

 

couldn't agree more...never bad mouth or criticize your old profession. other than that, you write pretty well!