Please will someone critique!

[habeepti]

“Do you love your job?” This is one of the many questions I ask every time I encounter a physician assistant (PA).  I have yet to meet one PA that does not meet this question with an enthusiastic “Yes!” While this is not what initially drew my interest to the PA profession, it is one of the things that solidified it. With so many career choices one can make in the heath care field let me explain why I have come to the realization the PA is the perfect choice for me.

Growing up in a low income, single parent household, education was not of maximum importance, survival was. The normal “thing” where I am from is finish as much of high school as you can and get a job. When I was fifteen my guardian’s parental rights were terminated due to abuse and neglect and I was made a ward of the state. As a product of this kind of environment I never thought I would amount to anything. I had no guidance, no education, and a deep, gnawing fear that I would never contribute anything to society. I spent much of my time wondering how I could succeed and turn my life around. Throughout and after graduating high-school I worked many different jobs trying to find my way. I ended up working in a pharmacy as a pharmacy technician for a few years. This was my introduction to the healthcare field. I was good at my job and loved learning about the medications we dispensed and the individuals who were in our care. I began to think about becoming a pharmacist but had no idea how to do so. I was extremely fortunate to find a scholarship for youth that have aged out of foster care. This is when I set my sights on becoming a pharmacist.

Once I made it to college I decided to pursue both a bachelors of science and art to make the most of the opportunity I was given. During this time I was opened up to experiences that lead me farther from pharmacy and closer to PA. I found that had a strong preference for learning about biology versus chemistry. This led me to become an instructor for a biology lab that covered a wide array of topics from microbiology and genetics to zoology. I loved teaching and realized I wanted a career that would allow me to help others learn. I made a friend who was interested in becoming a PA and introduced the idea to me as well.  While I was very interested in the PA profession I was unsure if I wanted to let go of my initial goal to become a pharmacist. To help make up my mind I began working again in a pharmacy while also meeting with, shadowing, and interviewing PAs. The more time I spent with the PAs the more I wanted to become one. I realized that while pharmacists do play an invaluable role in a patient’s health care, it was not the right job for me. I wanted more one on one interaction with the patients. This is the main reason the PA profession became particularly appealing; PAs spend much more time treating and getting to know their patients than a pharmacist does. Also, I admire the communication and teamwork that goes into accomplishing a PA’s goal of providing excellent patient care.

Another motivating factor in my decision to pursue a career as a PA was my best friend. In our last year of college together she was diagnosed with lupus. One particularly horrible lupus flare caused her to be hospitalized for over a month. She was put on dialysis, a renal diet, and a cocktail of immunosuppressive and blood pressure medications that made her feel terrible. I visited her almost every day and would do my best to comfort her. She was left feeling dismayed and depressed by how none of the physicians really took the time to explain to her what was going on with her body or her treatment. No doubt the physicians are busy and responsible for many patients and this is why I believe the physician-PA team is so important. I wished I could be part of the team treating her so I could sit down and explain everything to her. Treating patients is not just a science; it’s about forming a bond of trust as you are one of the individuals helping them through a difficult time in their lives. Even if it is something as simple as a common cold, patients deserve more than just some prescriptions thrown at them. They need someone to help them understand their diagnosis and treatment plan. I want to be a PA so I can provide this kind of care.

These experiences all lead me to the realization that my true calling was to be a PA. Not only do I want to perform diagnostic care, I also want to actively listen to and educate my patients. I am confident that I will strive to form a strong, trusting bond with my patients and seek a specific solution for each of their medical problems. As a PA I know I will never have to worry that I am not contributing to society; I would be afforded the opportunity to go above and beyond in helping care for others. I know that the road to becoming a physician assistant is demanding; this is something I am no stranger to. I am ready for the challenge. Thank you for your consideration.  

[fallbaby]

I think you have a good start however I don't feel like I really get to know you. All I've learned is that you had a pretty bad childhood and have a desire to form a lasting bond with your patients. This is admirable however it's something that all healthcare proffessionals should strive to do. I think you should focus on more of the role the PA's play in bridging that gap and fillin that role of primary care when doctors are unable to. Also show more of your own personality and the things you have done to put your life on track. Have you had to work, while going to school and maintaing grades. Have you done any outreach programs for your community to help those around you. I think this is a really good start, with a little editing it can be a great personal statement.

[JohnnyM2]

“Do you love your job?” This is one of the many questions I ask every time I encounter a physician assistant (PA). I have yet to meet one PA that does not meet this question with an enthusiastic “Yes!” While this is not what initially drew my interest to the PA profession, it is one of the things that solidified it. With so many career choices one can make in the heath care field let me explain why I have come to the realization the PA is the perfect choice for me.

Growing up in a low income, single parent household, education was not of maximum importance, survival was. The normal “thing” where I am from is finish as much of high school as you can and get a job. When I was fifteen my guardian’s parental rights were terminated due to abuse and neglect and I was made a ward of the state. As a product of this kind of environment I never thought I would amount to anything. I had no guidance, no education, and a deep, gnawing fear that I would never contribute anything to society. I spent much of my time wondering how I could succeed and turn my life around. Throughout and after graduating high-school I worked many different jobs trying to find my way. I ended up working in a pharmacy as a pharmacy technician for a few years. This was my introduction to the healthcare field. I was good at my job and loved learning about the medications we dispensed and the individuals who were in our care. I began to think about becoming a pharmacist but had no idea how to do so. I was extremely fortunate to find a scholarship for youth that have aged out of foster care. This is when I set my sights on becoming a pharmacist.

Once I made it to college I decided to pursue both a bachelors of science and art to make the most of the opportunity I was given. During this time I was opened up to experiences that lead me farther from pharmacy and closer to PA. I found that had a strong preference for learning about biology versus chemistry. This led me to become an instructor for a biology lab that covered a wide array of topics from microbiology and genetics to zoology. I loved teaching and realized I wanted a career that would allow me to help others learn. I made a friend who was interested in becoming a PA and introduced the idea to me as well. While I was very interested in the PA profession I was unsure if I wanted to let go of my initial goal to become a pharmacist. To help make up my mind I began working again in a pharmacy while also meeting with, shadowing, and interviewing PAs. The more time I spent with the PAs the more I wanted to become one. I realized that while pharmacists do play an invaluable role in a patient’s health care, it was not the right job for me. I wanted more one on one interaction with the patients. This is the main reason the PA profession became particularly appealing; PAs spend much more time treating and getting to know their patients than a pharmacist does. Also, I admire the communication and teamwork that goes into accomplishing a PA’s goal of providing excellent patient care.

Another motivating factor in my decision to pursue a career as a PA was my best friend. In our last year of college together she was diagnosed with lupus. One particularly horrible lupus flare caused her to be hospitalized for over a month. She was put on dialysis, a renal diet, and a cocktail of immunosuppressive and blood pressure medications that made her feel terrible. I visited her almost every day and would do my best to comfort her. She was left feeling dismayed and depressed by how none of the physicians really took the time to explain to her what was going on with her body or her treatment. No doubt the physicians are busy and responsible for many patients and this is why I believe the physician-PA team is so important. I wished I could be part of the team treating her so I could sit down and explain everything to her. Treating patients is not just a science; it’s about forming a bond of trust as you are one of the individuals helping them through a difficult time in their lives. Even if it is something as simple as a common cold, patients deserve more than just some prescriptions thrown at them. They need someone to help them understand their diagnosis and treatment plan. I want to be a PA so I can provide this kind of care.

These experiences all lead me to the realization that my true calling was to be a PA. Not only do I want to perform diagnostic care, I also want to actively listen to and educate my patients. I am confident that I will strive to form a strong, trusting bond with my patients and seek a specific solution for each of their medical problems. As a PA I know I will never have to worry that I am not contributing to society; I would be afforded the opportunity to go above and beyond in helping care for others. I know that the road to becoming a physician assistant is demanding; this is something I am no stranger to. I am ready for the challenge. Thank you for your consideration.

This is pretty good. You have shown you know what a PA is and why you want to be one. You have described how you overcame adversity. Lots of good stuff and you have avoided melodrama. I would eliminate the thank you at the end and try to go through and restructure a lot of sentences, reducing many unnecessary words. Then you can add almartin's suggestions.