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First draft- any and all feedback appreciated

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Every experience life throws at you bears significance in how it shapes you as a person. A lot of people take their experiences for granted as they do not truly understand the significance it holds in their life. As one grows older and wiser, reflection begins to occur and that is when direction is brought into life.


The experience that began it all consisted of a grimace of pain spread across her face as she cried with every move her body made. A middle-aged woman laid on the bed in front of me slowly passing away from uterine cancer. Everyone moved strategically as a team while providing her care. While looking in her eyes and knowing she was receiving quality care in ensuring her comfort, the need for compassion was seen. I immediately put my hand on hers as we were completing her treatment and assured her that her family was coming. I could see a sense of peace come over her as her family walked into the room to spend their final moments together. In this moment I knew that I wanted to work in a healthcare team with people providing quality care while showing compassion.


The next influential experience began in a small crowded Nicaraguan schoolroom having no windows where I sat with a middle aged man named Arturo whose face demonstrated decades of hard work and wear. He came at the opportunity for receiving free health treatment provided by the Joining Education Through Service group I had been a part of. An initial observation of his health showed no major concerns besides existing diabetes and complications related to it. That was until he described pain in his foot, which resulted in him revealing a wound exposing the bone on his foot once the bandages came off due to him not taking care of his health conditions appropriately, Additional medical professionals were immediately called to my aid and after an evaluation of the wound was done, it was determined that Arturo had to immediately go to the hospital at the risk of having to amputate his foot. While waiting, I proceeded to educate the man on diabetes and management of the disease in order to improve his understanding and ability to better care for his condition. In this moment I further was affirmed that I wanted to work within a team, showing compassion and treating patients with quality care, while educating them on how to improve their health.


As I continued in my journey I found myself always being drawn to the Physician Assistant who works among others seamlessly in a team, but always demonstrates autonomy as well. I was first able to witness this as I volunteered in hospitals and had the opportunity to learn about various health professions where I saw how each member worked in their role within the hospital setting. I further had the opportunity to see this role through healthcare shadowing. The PA was always a leader, but also worked in the team as a leading supporter which was what I had found as being critical to me in my future career.. During my experience shadowing with a neurology and neurosurgery PA, I saw a leader that treated numerous patients in the clinic setting but I also saw the leading supporter within the surgery room working together with the physician through the process of a vagus nerve stimulation and lumbar microdiscectomy.


The final experience providing me direction came as I had the opportunity to really look at illness in an objective view. A small frail woman named Sherry truly taught me the meaning of that. “I can't” Sherry had told me one day as she looked me in the eyes with despair. Although she did not specify what she meant when she spoke those words I immediately knew that she felt powerless laying trapped in her little frame. Her strength was diminishing before her eyes and her ability to care for herself independently continually decreased. Seeing Sherry on an almost daily basis the toll could be seen in her face and the power of compassion and true care was a necessity. Every work day, taking the extra time with Sherry was my necessity. Addressing her concerns, discussing her goals, and encouraging motivation to work towards recovery allowed me to see what she was lacking. Someone to listen and take the time to provide her with quality care.


Through Sherry I also had realized that challenges always arise and are meaningful in the sense that they allow us to better ourselves, such as I have experienced through challenging courses in my undergraduate career. As I experienced difficulty in subject matter I grew from these challenges in order to better myself through improving my knowledge of the subject matter within receiving tutoring within the subject as well as eventually providing tutoring in order to continue improving and fine tuning my own knowledge base.


There are many attributes of a PA that I admire and would like to fulfill. I have a desire for learning and teaching others, which I have demonstrated through tutoring in many different subject matters, and through my work and volunteer experiences in which I was able to educate others on various health matters. I feel this is congruent with an important attribute of being a PA as you are lifelong learners that continually grow in knowledge within the field and educate those that are being served.

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I think you should scrap the initial paragraph as it doesn't really add anything.  And you don't really talk about yourself and what distinguishes you as an applicant.  Your essay is full of experiences you have, but other than that you don't give reasons you'd make a good PA student by highlighting your willingness to learn, passion to learn, etc. Above average narrative though.

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