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Rough Draft- Don't be gentle


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         Code Blue, 5th floor. My heart was pounding. My gut was telling me, that is your patient. I was eating in the cafeteria, it could not have been there more than 15 minutes. As the all of the students, our instructor, and myself ran back upstairs the feeling in my stomach was unsettling. As we get to the floor people are rushing into room 5106, my patients room. Chills cover my body and for a moment everything seems to be moving in slow motion. All of the commotion stops as the chart reads Do not resuscitate. With the patient's daughter weeping in the corner of my eye, I begin to recall everything that happened in the moments before we went downstairs. 

          As a nursing student, we are given patients under the supervision of a licensed nurse. Although we have some knowledge, the final decision is made by the professional. My patient was on  hypertension medicine and I needed to take her blood pressure (BP) and administer her medication. Although her BP was stable I was instructed to administration was still necessary in order to keep it regulated. Upon rechecking her blood pressure it was extremely low. The nurse administered a secondary medication which she explained was to reverse the effects of the BP dropping too low. Everyone went to lunch and within minutes the call was made. 

         It was my job as her student nurse to follow through and provide her family with grievance information. It was at this time that her daughter thanked me. I could not fathom at the time why she would be thanking me, while I sit there and feel a sense of responsibility for her death. She explained how much her mom was suffering and for the last few days while I was taking care of her and talking with her that she saw her mother smile. It was in this moment that I realized health care is not just about fixing people, it is about about the entire journey. Everything that transpired that day left me longing for more. It felt as though my passion for medicine was being fulfilled until unforeseen circumstances occurred and  there was a sudden shift of responsibilities. 

         My older brother, who had full custody of his two children, was incarcerated and sentenced to a year and a day in jail. Watching the tears run down my niece and nephews face as their dad would be taken away is an image that will be forever engraved in my head. My heart broke for them and it was then that their lives were changed as well as mine. I moved back home to help my mom take care of  them. Now trying to balance nursing school, presidency in one of my organizations, participating in honors clubs, and taking care of my family caused unfamiliar stress. It was a struggle but I was determined on working towards my goal and giving everything possible in every area of my life. 

         At the end of the semester I managed to be passing all of my classes except one. In order to pass, an eighty percent was what was needed on my final. The following day the grades were posted, it read seventy-nine. Water began to fill my eyes in disbelief. My whole life was planned and for the first time in my life I had no idea what I was going to do. Although discouraged, I was committed to continuing my education. Looking towards advisement on the next steps to take, my dean informed me that the only way to get back into the program was to petition to the school in order to have my whole semester withdrawn. After my petition was accepted, I returned to nursing only for them to tell me to reapply. My reapplication was denied and my fight to get back into the program was officially over. 

         Feeling lost and unaware of my options, the decision was made to finish up my last semester with the classes necessary to complete my minor, graduate and find a job at the hospital in order to work my way up. Once at the hospital, the realization was that my major was too vague and would enable me from doing anything hands on with patient care. After vigorous research in potential careers, I came across Physician Assistant (PA). For the first time I had regained a sense of hope. It seemed as though something came along that was better then I had ever imaged. With a few classes short of the prerequisites and out of finical aid, I began taking classes one at a time in order to apply to PA school. 

         My passion is for health as a whole and wanting to make a difference in people's lives. I feel a rush every time I see or hear anything medically related, from something as small as getting stitches removed to observing a surgery. In addition to being medically knowledgeable, I would have the compassion when caring for patients in order to touch their heart. Having the opportunity to shadow solidified my decision and clarified my image of a physician assistant's role in health care. The versatility and flexibility of working independently to diagnose, treat, and prescribe, while still working hand and hand with other providers is ideal. The level of intimacy and trust that patients had for him was astonishing. 

 

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Here's what I just read:

 

You had a touching moment with a patients family as a nursing student.

Personal stuff happened at home, you stretched yourself thin and failed out of nursing school and got denied re-entry.

You googled other careers and thought PA would be cool so you'll give it a try.

Then you liked the PA you shadowed.

 

Do a complete rewrite. Leave out the "dramatic" code blue stuff.

Tell us who you are. It feels like I'm reading your excuses as to why nursing didn't work out.

Paint a different picture.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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