First Time Applicant..ROUGH draft, Please Help!!

[jengraff13]

I have always had an innate desire to make a difference in the quality of life of others. Upon completing biology courses in high school, I knew that it was a field that I wanted to immerse myself in my adult life. During my early college years, I had originally thought that I wanted to work in a lab on medical research. I was convinced that I was going to help find the cure for cancer or solve a medical mystery. However, after several experiences, including an internship in the quality assurance lab of a pharmaceutical company (Lannett Company, Inc.) and an intensive observation session at the ALS research lab at Columbia University in New York, I realized that the laboratory was not for me. While the laboratory work was very important and essential for many people, I longed for the human contact that comes from directly working with patients.

 

My exploration continued when I began shadowing my family physician and learning about his everyday responsibilities as a doctor. He suggested the possibility of becoming a physician assistant. As I researched and spoke to friends, family, and health professionals about a career as a PA, I realized that PA school is the career path that stimulates my interests and capitalizes on my problem-solving personality. While becoming a doctor would also be a good career choice, the range of opportunities and responsibilities that come with a being PA greatly appeals to me. I have interests in many aspects of the medical field, and PA school will allow me to explore these many avenues, I have strong interpersonal skills, which would enable me to work productively as part of a medical team, as well as meeting personally with patients regarding their diagnosis and treatment plans.

 

I am no stranger to making difficult decisions. I have played soccer all of my life, and was a member of the NCAA women’s soccer team at Stockton College. The rigorous schedule and time commitment that comes along with playing a Division III sport put a lot of pressure on my schoolwork. During the fall semester of my junior year, after much deliberation, I made the choice to discontinue my soccer career at Stockton in order to intensify my focus on my academics. As a result of this sacrifice, I was able to pursue my interest in psychology and neurology by adding a minor in Behavioral Neuroscience to my course load while still graduating in four years.

 

Beginning the next chapter in my schooling is very exciting and important to me. I yearn to continually learn and develop my skills. Even though I graduated from Stockton in May, I successfully completed a summer class as well as another class in the fall to ensure my competence and confidence in my journey to graduate school.

 

In my current position as an aide at Maple Leaf Physical Therapy, I provide a myriad of support services at the direction of the physician. On a daily basis I act as a bridge between the doctor and the patients, implementing orders and in turn explaining exercises and treatments to patients. I gain much experience from the time I spend with patients helping them to succeed in their healing process, as well as learning from the doctor and his methods. I believe that my hands-on experience with patients and my motivation to continue learning makes me a great candidate for PA school. 

[thomeg300]

I think you have the start of a really great essay here. I am a little turned off by the second paragraph where you say 'While becoming a doctor would also be a good career choice, the range of opportunities and responsibilities that come with a being PA greatly appeals to me.'

 

I can appreciate what you are trying to do here by making the point that you like the flexibility of the PA profession, but it comes off that maybe you want to be a doctor and can't or something along those lines. Couple this thought process with your example of shadowing a family physician and I am unsure that you want to be a PA or are settling.

 

Have you shadowed a PA or have experiences with a PA that you could integrate into your essay?

[pdjags]

Your first sentence made me grimace. No hate. Just being honest. 

 

When we write essays, sometimes cliche statements seem to perfectly sum up how we feel. But when an admissions director/committee is reading your essay, they have seen this sentence before and it might make them cringe as well. So start off differently.

 

BUT I loved this sentence, "I realized that PA school is the career path that stimulates my interests and capitalizes on my problem-solving personality." I agree with thomeg300, do not mention any negative to becoming a doctor. Never make a negative statement towards a colleague in the same field. Never. 

 

"...I have strong interpersonal skills, which would enable me to work productively as part of a medical team, as well as meeting personally with patients regarding their diagnosis and treatment plans." How? Why? Who says? You need to back this statement up with some solid evidence! 

 

"On a daily basis I act as a bridge between the doctor and the patients, implementing orders and in turn explaining exercises and treatments to patients. I gain much experience.." You have some grammar issues here. Commas and such. But the beginning of the next sentence, your verb tense is off. I have gained many experiences? Not sure. Either way, it sounds awkward. 

 

Overall, your short essay is very vague. You made some substantial points by bringing in your soccer career and I like how you kept that concise. I would strongly suggest that you choose an experience you have had while interacting with a patient at Maple Leaf PT that has made a substantial impact upon you. You need to be able to express that you not only have quality healthcare experience, but what has really caused you to have "an innate desire to make a difference in the quality of life of others". Prove what you are saying by examples! You make some good points, now go deeper. While remaining concise! 

 

Hope this helps!!