Second attempt at my narrative

[jgbink]

Growing up the youngest of five children in a small Nebraska town there was hardly ever a dull moment. When I was in preschool and my siblings were all going to school, I remember being dropped off at my mother’s work instead of being sent to daycare when school was over. My mom worked in a nursing home as a LPN. While at this nursing home I was able to see first hand what it meant to be a loving and caring individual. I watched my mom and the other employees take care of the elderly residents without compromising their dignity or pride. I saw compassion in the hearts of the staff of the nursing home, and I felt compassion as I would sit and talk to the residents. This was the start of my love for healthcare that would mature into an unyielding passion for biological sciences.

 

I wish I could say that I always wanted to be a healthcare provider, but to be honest when I first started college the idea scared me. I wasn’t until the second semester of my graduate studies that I began to feel a sense of longing for the same compassion I saw all those years ago when I would visit my mothers workplace. At that time I had the opportunity to shadow a Physician Assistant and I saw the hard work, bravery, and most of all the unhindered compassion for patients that I wanted to experience. As I talked with the Physician Assistants about their responsibilities and roles in the health care system I learned that being a Physician Assistant is not only about diagnosing or prescribing. It’s about being able to establish relationships with the patients. To become a Physician Assistant you must be able to listen to the patient and spend time to get to know that patient to be able to provide that patient with the best personalized care. After that shadowing experience I realized that I have found the career that I wanted to spend the rest of my life having the privilege to partake in.

 

I started working at an eye care office as medical technician and a vision therapist shortly after my shadowing experience. This opportunity opened my eyes even more to my desires for the role of a Physician Assistant. As a medical technician, I often spend twenty minutes with the patient doing pre-exam test and asking questions. I am able to connect with the patient on how they are doing and ask questions that better enables the doctors fulfill their needs in the short amount of time they doctor will be able to see them. As a vision therapist I learned how to work along side the doctor to create and customize treatments for our patients going through vision therapy. Most of my patients in vision therapy are between the ages of 5 and 10. I am able to create emotional bonds with the patients as they are going through this difficult therapy. Both of these experiences have showed me how meaningful it is to bond with patients and to spend time getting to know the patients. Most importantly, my time spent with patients has showed me that I am on the right path. 

[CSCH]

Growing up the youngest of five children in a small Nebraska town, there was hardly ever a dull moment. When I was in preschool and my siblings were all going to school, I remember being dropped off at my mother’s work instead of being sent to daycare when school was over. My mom worked in a nursing home as an LPN. While at this nursing home, I was able to see first hand what it meant to be a loving and caring individual. I watched my mom and the other employees take care of the elderly residents without compromising their dignity or pride. (GIVE AN EXAMPLE?) I saw compassion in the hearts of the staff of the nursing home, and I felt compassion as I would sit and talk to the residents. This was the start of my love for healthcare that would mature into an unyielding passion for biological sciences.

 

I wish I could say that I always wanted to be a healthcare provider, but, to be honest, when I first started college the idea scared me. I was not until the second semester of my graduate studies that I began to feel a sense of longing for the same compassion I saw all those years ago when I would visit my mother's workplace. At that time I had the opportunity to shadow a Physician Assistant and I saw the hard work, bravery, and most of all the unhindered compassion for patients that I wanted to experience. As I talked with the Physician Assistants about their responsibilities and roles in the health care system I learned that being a Physician Assistant is not only about diagnosing or prescribing. It’s about being able to establish relationships with the patients. To become a Physician Assistant you must be able to listen to the patient and spend time to get to know that patient to be able to provide that patient with the best personalized care. After that shadowing experience I realized that I have found the career that I wanted to spend the rest of my life having the privilege to partake in.

 

I started working at an eye care office as medical technician and a vision therapist shortly after my shadowing experience. This opportunity opened my eyes even more to my desires for the role of a Physician Assistant. As a medical technician, I often spend twenty minutes with the patient doing pre-exam test and asking questions. I am able to connect with the patient on how they are doing and ask questions that better enables the doctors fulfill their needs in the short amount of time the doctor will be able to see them. As a vision therapist, I learned how to work along side the doctor to create and customize treatments for our patients going through vision therapy. Most of my patients in vision therapy are between the ages of five and ten. I am able to create emotional bonds with the patients as they are going through this difficult therapy. Both of these experiences have showed me how meaningful it is to bond with patients and to spend time getting to know them. Most importantly, my time spent with patients has showed me that I am on the right path. 

 

I corrected a few grammatical points above. I really like how you started the second paragraph--it makes your essay sound different from others, it's honest, and it shows you understand how challenging healthcare is. I'd work on your final paragraph so you have a stronger finish.

 

I hope that helps! Best of luck!