HELP: Honest crtitiques about my personal statement PLEASE :)

[prePA13]

“If you are trying to achieve, there will be road blocks. I’ve had them, everybody has had them. But obstacles don’t have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don’t turn around and give up, figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it” Michael Jordan. Determination is the act of repeatedly trying despite facing failure, the need to achieve a goal by overcoming several difficult obstacles, the urgency to succeed when no one believes you can. From an early age I was not the best student and did not receive the best grades. As a matter of fact, many did not think I would go on to college. Years later I finished college and now I am applying for my Masters Degree. Although it was a long and bumpy journey my failures in life combined with my determination has not only got me to where I am today, but who I am as a person.

 

Since high school I was told to work in health care with my innate caring skills and my ability to connect with people on a personal level. Soon after I discovered the Physician Assistant (PA) profession and I felt it was my calling since. I want to be a PA because I want to be part of a medical team striving to improve healthcare to all.

 

I find the PA profession to be the most exciting, rewarding, and best fitting profession for myself. After shadowing a few PAs I enjoyed my experiences. I could tell the PA loved his and her job and the patients appreciated them. The best part of one of my shadowing experiences was when one PA had me wear one of her white coats for the day. I also noticed on several occasions the PA spent more time with the patient than the doctor. I value providing quality patient care, but more importantly treating the individual as a whole person. My healthcare experiences have confirmed my decision of wanting to be a PA.

 

During my year of volunteering at a children’s hospital I came across a 4 month old baby boy who was taken by social services. His mother was a meth addict who left him in a garbage dumpster. Every week when I started my shift I would go to play with him, feed him, and change his diaper. He loved to be carried and the minute I put him down he would cry. I would get upset to find out upon my arrival for my weekly shift that he was napping, but once I would get paged he was awake and needed company I would be filled with excitement.

 

Additionally working as a Medication Tech and Caregiver in assisted living taught me the act of caring healed the wounded and I wanted to do more. Many of the older adults rarely had any family or friends that would come over to visit. Some of them saw me as family because I would simply check on them and just talk to them; however that was my job. A simple conversation or a small compliment went a long way for some of the residents and it would put a smile on their face. I found my experience at Vintage Senior Living extremely rewarding and it touched me on a level I never could have imagined.

 

Afterwards I started working as a Physical Therapy Aide. The best part of my job is witnessing a patient’s progression throughout the weeks of their treatment. Whether it was seeing a patient with a rotator cuff repair improve her range of motion and seeing her smile as she was doing exercises she could not do before. Or something as simple as instructing an 80 year old man with his exercises to help regain his muscle strength to help prevent further falls. Lastly I can recall times hearing patients tell me how much they appreciated my help, thanked me, or even preferred to have me as their aide.

 

As a consequence I cannot express my feeling of satisfaction I get from helping others and making a difference in a life. When patients appreciate my effort I cannot begin to verbalize how rewarding that is to me. I believe my unlimited determination through all my ups and down is what would make me a great PA along with my ability to care and connect with others. I hope that one day I would have my own white coat labeled “Maria Hanna PA-C” on it and have an aspiring Pre-PA shadow me.

[patachok]

PM me, I will try and give you feedback then.

:)

[prePA13]

This is my second posting and I have completely rewrote my personal statement to make it more personal. Any comments (good or harsh) is greatly appreciated! I really want to make this perfect.

“Maria, do you copy?” Maria, I need your help room 349 is on the floor and she is bleeding!” There I was working as a Medication Tech in an assisted living facility preparing residents’ morning medications. My attention turned to my Walkie Talkie and realized based off of the Caregiver’s worried and shaky voice that the situation was not a good one. I ran out of the med room with the first aid kit and blood pressure cuff and rushed up the stairs to the third floor. I walked in and saw my favorite resident on the bathroom floor tangled in her walker. The Caregiver and I managed to move the walker out of the way and had her sit up. As we helped her up we noticed the bruises and dried up blood on her arms and face, but she also had a small gash behind her head. She looked confused in complete silence not saying a word. So many thoughts rushed in my head, but I could tell she had a concussion. I grabbed my Walkie Talkie and instructed the Front Desk Receptionist to call 911. She was terribly weak and based off of her injuries she was probably on the floor throughout the night. I sat right behind her, with my back up against her back to help keep her upright, held her hand by my side, and forced back my tears as we waited for help to arrive. Immediately she was hospitalized and within a week she unfortunately passed away. For the first time after deciding I wanted to be a Physician Assistant (PA) I questioned whether I wanted to work in the medical field all together. Dealing with death was not a skill I acquired and the situation tested me. Soon after I realized that being a PA is exactly what I want to do. I want to do more than what I did that day, but my limited scope of skills and knowledge was not matched for the scenario, so all I was able to do was be compassionate and help keep her calm.

During my year of volunteering at a children’s hospital I came across a 4 month old baby boy who was taken by social services. Unfortunately there was no sign of a father and the mother was a meth addict who left him in a garbage dumpster. Every week when I started my shift I would go to play with him, feed him, and change his diaper. He loved to be carried and the minute I would put him down he would cry and that was mainly because he was neglected and was missing that “mother’s touch”. I would get upset to find out upon my arrival for my weekly shift that he was napping, but once I would get paged he was awake and needed company I would be filled with excitement. After living in the hospital for five months he was finally adopted and it instilled a sense of comfort within me to know he found a home. I never knew what the child’s condition was or why he was admitted to the hospital due to confidential safety concerns. On the other hand, a PA frequently stopped by to check on him during her rounds and he would giggle when she would pick him up. Seeing her dedication and enthusiasm to the child hit me hard that this is the profession I want to be in.

In the meantime I shadowed a few PAs and my experiences were nothing less than positive. I thoroughly enjoyed observing how they each interacted with their patients. One of my favorite experiences was when one of the PAs I was shadowing handed me an extra white coat of hers to wear for the day. More importantly at times I noticed the PAs and their supervising Doctors worked as a team consulting and communicating with one another. While shadowing an Orthopedic PA he would go in to see a patient and provide the care that was needed. Then he would communicate with the supervising Doctor about what he observed and what he thought the treatment plan should be. Afterwards the Doctor would go in and get his own perspective. This dynamic was something that intrigued me about the PA profession, since I am a team player who would like to be in a career where I could work in a team. The patients each got to see two healthcare providers, which resulted in two medical opinions (same or different), yet the PA worked in autonomy as well.

Furthermore I never knew I wanted to be a PA, but I knew I wanted to have a rewarding career where I would continuously be learning while working in a team environment. While in college I was fascinated with my Anatomy and Physiology classes and learning about the human body. On the other hand, I was not the best student before college with weak grades and was seen as a failure through the eyes of many. Once I started college and realized what I wanted to do in life everything changed and I became determined to reach my goals. My determination based from my past, my compassion that arose from my healthcare experiences, and my team player attitude would help make me a great PA. I hope to one day have my own white coat with my name labeled on it and have an aspiring Pre-PA shadow me.

[merp]

Hi Newbie, 

 

Here are some suggestions I would make. They are based off of my own preferences in reading, but take them as you like it! 

“Maria, do you copy?”(delete this quotation mark) Maria, I need your help. Room 349 is on the floor and she is bleeding!” There (I would take out "There") I was working as a Medication Tech in an assisted living facility preparing the residents’ morning medications. My attention turned to my Walkie Talkie and realized based off of the Caregiver’s worried and shaky voice that the situation was not a good one (I would truncate this sentence..."My attention turned to my Walkie Talkie. From the Caregiver's worried and shaky voice, I knew the situation was not a good one" or something like that). I ran out of the med room with the first aid kit and blood pressure cuff and rushed  up the stairs to the third floor. I walked in and saw my favorite resident on the bathroom floor, tangled in her walker. The Caregiver and I managed to move the walker out of the way and had her sit up. We noticed bruises and dried blood on her arms and face; she had a small gash behind her head). She looked confused in complete silence not saying a word. So many thoughts rushed in my head, but I could tell she had a concussion (I would probably take these sentences out). I grabbed my Walkie Talkie and instructed the Front Desk Receptionist to call 911. She was terribly weak and based off of her injuries she was probably on the floor throughout the night. I sat behind her, with my back up against hers, to help keep her upright. I held her hand by my side and forced back my tears as we waited for help to arrive. Immediately she was hospitalized and within a week she passed away. For the first time after deciding I wanted to be a Physician Assistant (PA) I questioned whether I wanted to work in the medical field all together. Dealing with death was not a skill I had acquired and the situation tested me. Soon after I realized that being a PA is exactly what I want to do. (I would like to know why you decided to be a PA in the first place. I would start with the next sentence ---> and use that as an explanation as to why you want to become a PA) I want to do more than what I did that day, but my limited scope of skills and knowledge was not matched for the scenario. All I was able to do was be compassionate and help keep her calm (i really like this sentence).

During my year of volunteering at a children’s hospital I came across a 4 month old baby boy who was taken by social services. Unfortunately there was no sign of a father and the mother was a meth addict who left him in a garbage dumpster. Every week when I started my shift I would go to play with him, feed him, and change his diaper. He loved to be carried and the minute I would put him down he would cry and that was mainly because he was neglected and was missing that “mother’s touch” (I would take this out, even though it is sweet and most likely true). I would get upset to find out upon my arrival for my weekly shift that he was napping, but once I would get paged he was awake and needed company I would be filled with excitement. After living in the hospital for five months he was finally adopted and it instilled a sense of comfort within me to know he found a home. I never knew what the child’s condition was or why he was admitted to the hospital due to confidential safety concerns. On the other hand, The hospital's/floor's PA frequently stopped by to check on him during her rounds and he would giggle when she would pick him up. Seeing her dedication and enthusiasm to the child hit me hard that this is the profession I want to be in.

I have shadowed several PAs and my experiences were nothing less than positive. I enjoyed observing how they each interacted with their patients. One of my favorite experiences was when one of the PAs I was shadowing handed me an extra whitecoat of hers to wear for the day. More importantly at times I noticed the PAs and their supervising Doctors worked as a team consulting and communicating with one another. While shadowing an Orthopedic PA he would go in to see a patient and provide the care that was needed. Then he would communicate with the supervising Doctor about what he observed and what he thought the treatment plan should be. Afterwards the Doctor would go in and get his own perspective (be a little more specific about why this was cool and different from other PAs you had shadowed.) This dynamic was something that intrigued me about the PA profession; I am a team player who would like to be in a career where I could work as a team. The patients each got to see two healthcare providers, which resulted in two medical opinions (same or different), yet the PA worked in autonomy as well (very true).

Furthermore I never knew I wanted to be a PA (I would instead say why you now what to be a PA), but I knew I wanted to have a rewarding career where I would continuously be learning while working in a team environment. While in college I was fascinated with my Anatomy and Physiology classes and learning about the human body. On the other hand, I was not the best student before college with weak grades (why do you think you had weak grades? I would probably take out the part about being a failure.). Once I started college and realized (Talk about now that you know you want to be PA, your drive and desire to do well changed and you were able to do well in your classes)  what I wanted to do in life everything changed and I became determined to reach my goals. My determination based from my past, my compassion that arose from my healthcare experiences, and my team player attitude would help make me a great PA (I would change the phrasing on this sentence). I hope to one day have my own white coat with my name labeled on it and have an aspiring Pre-PA shadow me.

 

 

Hope that is helpful. I'm not a PA and in the same boat with applying so hopefully this helps in some way.