Ignore the last one I forgot a paragraph! :) Constructive criticism is more than welcome!

[MaryPA]

I remember sitting on the floor in the front of the room during an introductory athletic training course learning the in's and out's of spineboarding athletes, and thinking to myself, "I really hope I never have to do this to somebody." Of course, I did. It was this past year on a cold day in October at a local youth soccer tournament. In a moment I felt happened in slow motion, a goalie managed to bang his head into the goal post in a save attempt, and immediately laid motionless on the ground. As I ran towards him I could see that he was conscious, so next on my list was to rule out neck injury. As I stabilized his head and began conversing with him, it was the point tenderness over the cervical spine that did it. When the ambulance arrived with the spineboard, I lead the group in instruction, lifting the athlete and making sure he was secure, while maintaining that his consciousness, breathing, and heartrate were intact. After sending him on his way and calming a few worried parents, I finally had a moment to myself to take in what happened. I realized how far I've come from that day in class, to the confident health care professional that I've grown to be. 

 

It is experiences like this one that truly test my knowledge and ability to make decisions under pressure. In becoming a licensed athletic trainer, I have accepted the responsibility for the well-being of others, and have found it to be rewarding in more ways than one. I have felt the satisfaction of helping an athlete through successful rehabilitation to the look on their faces when a new tape job cures all of their problems. I have a passion for athletic training and all that goes along with it, and I feel that it has opened up a whole new world of knowledge and opportunities for me. My experiences as a health care professional have inspired me to continue to grow in my abilities to help others and my knowledge of the human body. While I am orthopedically oriented, I have found that the general medical aspects of my training and career have sparked my interest the most. That is how I found myself exploring the option of PA school a few years ago. 

 

I think the past few years of hands-on patient care along with a wide variety of shadowing experiences have prepared me clinically, but I also feel that I am ready for the course load. Amidst a very challenging series of athletic training courses that focused on everything from anatomy, evaluation, diagnoses, and treatment to legalities and working as a team with other medical professionals, I found myself in the athletic training room at least twenty-five to thirty hours a week and working part-time. I took it all on while maintaining the drive to keep learning, and most importantly, the ability to enjoy myself and my experiences. I have proven to myself that I can succeed in any course load as long as I stay focused on my goals and continue to have the amazing support system of family and friends that I have always been blessed with. I have everything I need to succeed in this profession, and I want nothing more than to take full advantage of that by working continuously to become a part of the physician assistant profession. 

 

Neil de Grasse Tyson, an American astrophysicist, once said, "For me, I am driven by two main philosophies: know more today about the world than I knew yesterday and lessen the suffering of others. You'd be surprised how far that gets you." I think these words are at the center of what it means to be a PA. Becoming a PA means having a passion for learning that cannot be taught. It could mean hours of studying and practicing, but they will ultimately be worth it in order to "lessen the suffering of others" in the long run. I cannot think of any better opportunity out there in which I can better myself while helping others at the same time. I know there is so much more to see, learn, and to be a part of outside of Maryland. I hope to find myself working with those underprivileged in other countries I have yet to experience or here in the United States. I see PA school as an opportunity to expose myself to other parts of the country, and hopefully other parts of the world once I am established. I want nothing more than to carry my knowledge and desire to care for others into PA school and then out into as many corners of the world as I can.

[fakingpatience]

I really like your essay overall, especially the use of the quote in the conclusion!   This sentence in the first paragraph "When the ambulance arrived with the spineboard, I lead the group in instruction, lifting the athlete and making sure he was secure, while maintaining that his consciousness, breathing, and heartrate were intact." I would change slightly:    

 

When the ambulance arrived with the spineboard, I lead the group in instruction, lifting the athlete and making sure he was secure, while maintaining ensuring that he remained conscious, and that his breathing, and heartrate were intact.

[MaryPA]

I knew something about that sentence was fishy! I changed it a couple times haha thank you that helps a lot. I am fairly young compared to many applicants, so I really want to convey that I have a lot of valuable experience under my belt, even if that means I haven't been working for years and years. Do you think the essay conveys that well enough? Thank you so much for your response!

[fakingpatience]

I still don't love that sentence, especially where you say "I lead the group in instruction," but can't figure out how to rephrase it.  

 

Overall I think you're essay is really good, and it flows nicely.  And as I said before, the quote is perfect, and ties in really nicely.  Though take any of my opinions with a grain of salt, I'm an applicant this year also

[MaryPA]

what about this...

 

When the ambulance arrived with the spineboard I took the lead, guiding the group through the process of lifting the athlete and making sure he was secure, while ensuring that he was conscious, and that his breathing and heartrate were intact.

 

Thank you! It is all very overwhelming, but definitely exciting. Good luck to you!

[fakingpatience]

Thats a much better phrasing of the sentence I think.   Thanks, good luck to you as well!