Personal Statement 1st Draft- All reviews GREATLY appreciated

[Oregon89]

Hello all!

This is my first draft of my personal statement. It is over 5,000 characters, and I am having a hard time trimming it down. 

All reviews and edits would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks so much!

Molly

 

 

 

Was it the time I found my father on the ground, dripping in sweat, completely comatose? At my college graduation, when I found him surrounded by EMT’s because he was hypoglycemic, and told that he had missed the graduation ceremony? Maybe it was when I was told my father’s kidneys were failing, and that he would be put on the waiting list for a kidney and pancreas transplant? The truth is; all of these experiences resulted in my lifelong passion for healthcare. It wasn’t until I began to venture down my own career path that I realized becoming a physician assistant was the career that I had always dreamed of.

                My father was diagnosed with type I diabetes when he was 12 years old. By the time I was four, I knew when my dad’s blood sugar was low, or when he needed insulin. I also knew things were bad enough that I needed to call 9-1-1. My dad was never properly educated on how to take care of his illness, and was unaware of the health risks associated with not managing diabetes.  Because of this I was thrown into healthcare at a young age, whether I liked it or not. Fortunately, I loved it. I did not love the fact that my dad suffered from such a terrible disease, but I did love being able to help. This built the foundation for my passion for primary care.  During this same period in my life, my brother and were growing up poor, and without health insurance. We often went without healthcare or would find free clinics. It is because of these experiences that I have always been dedicated to primary care, the impact this sector has on healthcare in general, and improving access to the underserved.  Unfortunately, I knew nothing about PA’s when I graduated high school, so I fulfilled my dream of working in healthcare by pursuing a degree in Health Administration.

                While in college I was excited about a career in Health Administration. I maintained an upward trend in my grades and received the Dean’s Scholarship, while being involved in extracurricular activities including research and clubs. The most significant research I conducted was on Accountable Care Organizations (ACO’s).  I later wrote an essay that placed 3^rd nationally in a competition hosted by the American College of Healthcare Executives. During my research on ACOs, I discovered the PA profession.  In the ACO model, PA’s were continuously referred to as an integral component, helping to reduce the ever increasing cost of healthcare in the US. PA’s were also able to spend more time with patients, educating them on their health while focusing on preventative care. I was instantly taken back to memories of my father, and at that moment I knew a career as a PA was my calling in life.

                Following college I worked for a short amount of time in health administration, but the emotions my research brought back to the surface stayed with me. It was at this time that I decided to pursue my calling. I began taking classes while working in order to fulfill prerequisites for PA school. I also began volunteering at an Urgent Care Center. I was able to see a vast array of illnesses and injuries, and I met a number of PAs, doctors, and nurse practitioners. Seeing the passion that the PAs had for their profession, as well as the amount of teamwork that occurred between the physician and the PAs solidified my decision to follow the path of becoming a PA.

                I soon left my administrative job, and became a Patient Care Technician at a children’s hospital, while continuing to my volunteer activities. I always waited for the PA students to make their rounds, as I knew before long this would be me. Seeing how the PA students interacted with the patients and their families resonated with me, they always made sure to take extra time to speak with the child and family, making a scary situation much easier to handle.  I saw how they were able to diagnose, treat, and make recommendations to patients on their own, yet at the same time worked as a team with their physician. This teamwork approach continues to draw me to the PA profession.

                In order to gain a more in-depth understanding of the role of a PA, I began shadowing PAs in various specialties.  For example, I have seen how a PA can work in primary care, emergency medicine, or pediatrics. I found the unique ability to work across a broad range of specialties very interesting. At this time in my life feel a connection to pediatrics because I feel like primary care and education should start with children.  However, after I complete PA school, I may find a new passion in healthcare. This is the amazing thing about the PA profession; I am not tied to one specialty. I can be working in pediatrics one year, and general family medicine the next. 

                Although my path to becoming a PA has been somewhat of a winding road, I would not take back a single day. Each part of my life and every experience that I have had prepared me for the challenge of PA school. I am ready for this challenge, and with my passion and experience, I have so much to bring to the profession. I want to do this not only for myself and my father, but so that I can someday sit in a patient room and educate a patient on how to stay healthy so that they won’t ever miss their son or daughter’s college graduation like my father did. A day he will never get back. Or maybe he will? The day I graduate as a physician assistant.

 

[IDrunner11]

This is really good! Suggestion - The first paragraph is really hard to read, I probably reread it three times. I think rewording it to flow better would make your personal statement even better.

[Oregon89]

IDrunner11- Thank you for your suggestion! I agree. I was having a difficult time with the intro. I will work on that. Thank you for taking the time respond!

[Topsy]

I really like it. Very fluid and easy to read. Here's a couple suggestions:

 

1st paragraph was whoooa. Hard to follow. I'd revise it to something like 3 Was questions for a continuity that is easier to read.

Was it that time when I found my father surrounded by EMTs because he was hypoglycemic? Or was it when he missed my college graduation because he was on the ground, dripping in sweat, completely comatose? Maybe it was when doctors told me that father’s kidneys were failing, and that he would be put on the waiting list for a kidney and pancreas transplant? The truth is, (comma, not semicolon) all of these experiences...

 

And then down to the penultimate paragraph. You can remove the "for example" and just put a stylistic dash, making it 1 stylistic sentence. haha :)

In order to gain a more in-depth understanding of the role of a PA, I began shadowing PAs in various specialties - primary care, emergency medicine, pediatrics. I discovered the PAs unique ability to work across a broad range of specialties extremely appealing....

 

I really like your closing sentence, but it seemed kind of long and the flow seemed a little forced to me. Also, if you say patient, you have to say his or her to keep it singular. Or change it to patients and then you can use they. 

I want to do this not only for myself and my father, but also for many other patients in my community. I look forward to the day that I can educate patients on how to stay healthy so that they won’t ever miss their son or daughter’s college graduation like my father did - a moment he will never get back, until the day I graduate as a physician assistant.

 

Overall I really liked it. Easy to read. And it really addressed why PA and not medicine in general. Nice job.

 

 

[DiggySRNA]

I like it also.

But remember that CASPA's requirement is 5000 characters - you're at about 5400.