Can I have some constructive criticism on my CASPA personal Statement please

[phil87lip]

I did not get into any PA programs last application cycle, so I am trying again with more volunteer hours and hopefully an essay that matches many of the mission statements of Texas' schools. My last years personal statement was labelled as "okay" from the admissions director of a program I applied to last year, but didn't match great to their mission statement. I added more focus my volunteer experiences and serving the under-served. Any constructive criticism will be welcomed. 

Here it is:

 

 

My passion for medicine started in my childhood. My father was a medical doctor and knowing that every day he was helping to save people’s lives ignited a flame in me to help those in need. After my father passed away when I was eleven, instead of my flame burning out, it burned hotter and brighter. Although my passion was amplified, my father’s passing still took a toll on my family. My mother had to work three jobs to support her four children. She tried to give us as normal a childhood as possible, but despite her efforts I still had to work a job at the local restaurant as a dishwasher at fourteen to help. Looking back I am thankful to have worked that job because it built my character and drove my passion towards customer service, which I could eventually transcribe into a healthcare setting.

 

However, I cannot give all the credit to dishwashing for my character and desire today. After dishwashing, I worked four years at H-E-B grocery stores; now I work as a Laboratory Technologist (LT) in the microbiology department at University Hospital in San Antonio and have for over three years. I am grateful for my experience at H-E-B because while there I assimilated vital interpersonal skills that furnished me with an outgoing personality. These skills were attributed to the interactions and relationships I made with co-workers and customers. While I value what I obtained during my employment at H-E-B, I knew my interpersonal skills and longing for serving people could be challenged further. Therefore, I sought positions in the medical field. In doing so, I could immerse myself in a healthcare setting and see the different career options of medicine.

 

While volunteering at University Hospital, an opportunity to work in a position as an LT presented itself. As an LT, I work behind the scenes in medicine instead of the frontlines like physician assistants (PA). From my LT experience, I have learned the importance of different aspects of medicine, time management, how to work as a team, and that I want to be in the forefronts of medicine giving the direct patient care. Not only did I gain those skills as an LT, I was also given the opportunity to start aiding the very people I have always had the passion to help, those in need. Although I had an idea of what PAs and other healthcare providers did on an everyday basis, I was not exposed to the profession until I started shadowing a PA in the emergency department at University Hospital. While shadowing, I was able to experience how PAs interact with other healthcare providers and how much more time they were able to spend with the patients than doctors could. I also witnessed the importance of the type of care given, the level of education it takes, the qualities required to be a PA, and how challenging yet rewarding the profession can be.

 

After I got my LT position at University Hospital I stopped volunteering. I did not have the time and I felt like I was not making the difference volunteering I thought I would. That was until my mother fell ill and was taken to Northeast Methodist Hospital where they diagnosed her with Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease. Watching my mother recover was hard, but I knew that the hospital staff, including volunteers, was doing everything they could to make her better. The impact they had on my mother’s recovery compelled me to give back to them, so I starting volunteering there. This time I felt like I was actually making a difference to the staff and the patient’s lives. Whether I was asking the patient how they were doing, helping to clean rooms, or making IV starter kits, I was making a difference no matter how small it was.

 

After volunteering at Northeast Methodist Hospital for a while, I decided to further reach out to my community by volunteering at Habitat for Humanity of San Antonio. I have lived in San Antonio (SA) since I was born 24 years ago and have personally seen the diversity and poverty levels that this city contains. I could not think of a better way to give back to the city that has housed me for my entire lifetime then to help build homes to house the underserved and vulnerable people of SA. I wish I could give money to help fund the building of these homes, instead I will fund the building with my hands and sweat. All of the sweat and soreness was worth it knowing that the work I did brought families who desperately needed a home somewhere to live. I want to do the same thing for people, especially the underserved and vulnerable, however with medicine in its place.

 

We are all by-products of our life experiences. These experiences prepare and shape us into unique individuals with essential abilities that gear us towards certain outcomes. My particular experiences have turned me towards the outcome of pursuing the profession of a PA. I know the qualities it takes to be a PA: Leadership, intelligence, integrity, interpersonal skills, discipline, devotion, confidence, and passion. I found the profession that embodies my character so well and one that I crave to pursue. The profession of a PA would give me the opportunity to play an effective role in healthcare, to always be intellectually challenged, to become a life-long learner, to educate and mentor people, to aid the underserve and vulnerable,  and allow me to continue evolving my skills and fueling my passion so I can provide the best medical care possible.

[seekingtruths]

Hi! I liked your PS. You made it deeply personal, which is SO GOOD because the point of a PS is for the admins to get "on your side" and learn about you as an individual. Here are my critiques:

• The dishwashing job was probably a formative experience for you. The way you talk about it makes it seem negative or like you didn't enjoy it (and maybe you didn't... but it's best to keep your PS upbeat and positive). Spin the experience. Instead of saying you "had to" work there because you had to help support the family and "looking back" it was a good experience, talk about how you're grateful you had the chance to help support your family and you learned to be responsible and disciplined at an early age. Maybe correlate your academic success with that early learned maturity and work ethic. 
• You went through the whole essay without talking about why you want to be a PA specifically. I get it, you want to work in medicine, but that alone is not a good enough reason to pursue the PA profession. Otherwise why aren't you pursuing an MD to be like your dad, or dentistry, or whatever? In my own PS I made the case early on that I wanted to be a PA because it would allow me to diagnose illnesses in a problem-solving capacity. I also aknowledged the collaborative nature of a PA's work and made the case for how fits me and the way I want to practice medicine.

These are just my suggestions. 

 

Best of luck to you, you sound very qualified and I'm sure you'll get in next cycle!

 

Edit: Okay, I reread your post and I did come across several comments that described the PA profession, but I still don't think they make a good enough case for why you want to be a PA. Example: "While shadowing, I was able to experience how PAs interact with other healthcare providers and how much more time they were able to spend with the patients than doctors could." Also: "The profession of a PA would give me the opportunity to play an effective role in healthcare, to always be intellectually challenged, to become a life-long learner, to educate and mentor people, to aid the underserve and vulnerable,  and allow me to continue evolving my skills and fueling my passion so I can provide the best medical care possible."

 

Those comments are great, but they're descriptive and in list format. They're dry. Elaborate on exactly how the PAs interacted with other healthcare providers and why that collaboration appealed to you about the profession and makes you want to be a part of it. All healthcare workers play an effective role in healthcare and are (hopefully) lifelong learners. What about a PA's work seems to make an "effective" impact to you? Is it the way they are able to make diagnostic decisions that have the potential to save limbs, slow chronic disease, and avert pain? Be more descriptive.  

 

Please don't take any of my suggestions badly. I think your essay is fantastic! I'm just trying to share advice and give back to the universe a little bit for all the excellent, detailed and very long critiques my friends gave me when I was writing my PS :)

 

Good luck to you.

[phil87lip]

I forgot that the personal statement must be below 5000 characters, it is currently at 4999. I rewrote a couple parts with the help of seekingtruths. Any more advice or constructive criticism will be welcomed.\

Here it is:

 

 

My passion for medicine started in my childhood. My father was a medical doctor and knowing that every day he was helping to save people’s lives ignited a flame in me to help those in need. After my father passed away when I was eleven, instead of my flame burning out, it burned hotter and brighter. Although my passion was amplified, my father’s passing still took a toll on my family. My mother had to work three jobs to support her four children and after seeing how hard she had to work to support us, I sought a job to help relieve some of the stress on her and help my family. I was only fourteen years old, but I was eager to work and being a bus boy/dishwasher constructed a hard work ethic in me. Looking back I am thankful to have worked that job because it built my character, my discipline, and drove my passion towards customer service, which I could eventually transcribe into a healthcare setting.

 

However, I cannot give all the credit to busing tables and dishwashing for my character and desire today. After that job, I worked over four years at H-E-B grocery stores; now I work as a Laboratory Technologist (LT) in the microbiology department at University Hospital (UH) in San Antonio (SA) and have for over three years. I am grateful for my experience at H-E-B because while there I assimilated vital interpersonal skills that furnished me with an outgoing personality while also earning money to help pay for college. Though I value what I obtained during my employment at H-E-B, I knew my interpersonal skills and longing for serving people could be challenged further. Therefore, I sought positions in the medical field. In doing so, I could immerse myself in a healthcare setting and see the different career options of medicine.

 

While volunteering at UH, an opportunity to work in a position as an LT presented itself. As an LT, I work behind the scenes in medicine instead of the frontlines like physician assistants (PA). Even though I was not giving the direct patient care I pursued; I was still a part of a team helping to treat patients. From my LT experience, I have learned the importance of different aspects of medicine, time management, how to work as a team, and that I want to participate in direct patient care.

Although I had an idea of what PAs and other healthcare providers did on an everyday basis, I was not exposed to the profession until I started shadowing a PA in the ER at UH. While shadowing, I was able to experience how PAs interact with other healthcare providers and patients. My decision to choose the profession of a PA over a doctor came down to the amount of time I could spend with patients. I noticed that PAs could devote more time to their patients and form bonds with them then doctors could. I would rather spend less than three years in school to have that extra time with a patient than eight years with less time.

 

After I got my LT position at UH I stopped volunteering there. I did not have the time and I felt like I wasn’t making the difference volunteering I thought I would. That was until my mother fell ill and was taken to Northeast Methodist Hospital (NMH) where she was diagnosed with COPD. As I watched the hospital’s staff and volunteers provide my mother with outstanding care, I knew I had to volunteer here. This time I felt like I was actually making a difference to the staff and the patient’s lives. Whether I was asking patients how they were doing, cleaning rooms, or making IV starter kits, I was making a difference no matter how small it was.

 

It seemed I found a new hobby volunteering so I ventured new avenues and reached out further to my community by volunteering with Habitat for Humanity of San Antonio. I’ve lived in SA since I was born and have seen the levels of diversity and poverty this city. I could not think of a better way to give back to the city that has housed me then to build homes to house the underserved and vulnerable people of SA. Since I didn’t have the money to fund these houses, I gave my sweat and hands instead. The sweat and soreness was worth it knowing that my hard work brought those families somewhere to live. I want to do the same thing for people, especially the underserved and vulnerable, however with medicine in its place and as a PA instead of a volunteer.

 

We are all by-products of our life experiences. My particular experiences have turned me towards the profession of a PA. I know the qualities it takes to be a PA: Leadership, intelligence, integrity, interpersonal skills, discipline, devotion, confidence, and passion. I found the profession that embodies my character so well and one that I crave to pursue. The profession of a PA would give me the opportunity to play an effective role in healthcare, to always be intellectually challenged, to become a life-long learner, to educate and mentor people, to aid the underserved and vulnerable, and allow me to continue evolving my skills and fueling my passion so I can provide the best medical care possible.

[AZ-Buckeye]

A good essay has a strong opening paragraph and ending which yours does and I enjoyed the familiy portion and how it helped you get interested into medicine.The meat of the essay needs to be worked on to condense it and organize it more consicely. Alot of the essay contains or reads like a resume, listing of jobs and responsibilitie , which is good and important, but this can be condensed down so you can focus on other more of the "why" you want to be a PA. On the CASPA you will have to list these there so there is no need to repeat yourself. You have alot of good life experieinces and a strong foundation it just needs to be beefed up a little. I myself had a lot of experience and it took many re-writes to get it to the point of being a polished essay. They have PA coaches who could help you with this, I used one and it made a world of difference in my essay. I hope this helped.

[phil87lip]

Thank you AZ-Buckeye for replying back to my essay. I am thinking about condensing my H-E-B paragraph and trying to mix it in with my LT because I still want to put those into my essay to show how my life experiences have geared me towards PA school. As for my volunteering paragraphs, I want them to show more on how those experiences have geared me towards PA school rather then why i did the volunteering. Do you know how I can get in touch with these PA coaches to help me with my essay? I wanna make the best possible essay to help push me over the edge and at least get some interviews this year. 

[AZ-Buckeye]

I went thru Andy Rodican, he has a book which I bought off amazon, "Getting into PA school" and in it he had examples of bad, good, and great essays. If you sign up for one of his coaching programs he will assist you with the essay. For me, I had tremendous HCE but my grades were average so I needed a strong essay and to interview well. He helped me with both of these and I would recommend him to you as well. I agree with including life experiences and how it shaped the foundation of your choice and character, it just gets lengthy and runs on and tends to be wordy in some of those middle paragraphs where I wondered what the purposes of the sentence was and how it supported the topic sentnence of the particular paragraph. Again, a great start and keep writing, andthe  one thing I was told told was to avoid writing in "passive voice". I had to look that up. In WORD you can set it to id passive voice. That's one thing I learned from Andy when writing my essay was to avoid this writing style. Good Luck

[IDrunner11]

My passion for medicine started in my childhood. My father was a medical doctor and knowing that every day he was helping to save people’s lives ignited a flame in me to help those in need. After my father passed away when I was eleven, instead of my flame burning out, it burned hotter and brighter. Although my passion was amplified, my father’s passing still took a toll on my family. My mother had to work three jobs to support her four children. She tried to give us as normal a childhood as possible, but despite her efforts a fourteen I took a job at the local restaurant as a dishwasher to help. Looking back I am thankful to have worked that job because it built my character and drove my passion towards customer service, which I could eventually transcribe into a healthcare setting.

However, I cannot give all the credit to dishwashing for my character and desire today. After dishwashing, I worked four years at H-E-B grocery stores; there I assimilated vital interpersonal skills that furnished me with an outgoing personality. These skills were attributed to the interactions and relationships I made with co-workers and customers. While I value what I obtained during my employment at H-E-B, I knew my interpersonal skills and longing for serving people I could be challenged further. Therefore, I sought positions in the medical field. In doing so, I could immerse myself in a healthcare setting and see the different career options of medicine.While volunteering at University Hospital in San Antonio, an opportunity to work in a position as an Laboratory Technologist (LT) presented itself. Currently now I work as a in the microbiology department at University Hospital in San Antonio and have for over three years. I am grateful for my experience at H-E-B because while (moved the sentences around).

As an LT, I work behind the scenes in medicine instead of the frontlines like physician assistants (PA). From my LT experience, I have learned the importance of different aspects of medicine such as time management, how to work as a team, and now that I want to be in the forefronts of medicine giving the direct patient care. Not only did I gain those skills as an LT, I was also given the opportunity to start aiding the very people I have always had the passion to help, those in need (HOW???).

Although I had an idea of what PAs and other healthcare providers did on an everyday basis, I was not exposed to the profession until I started shadowing a PA in the emergency department at University Hospital. While shadowing, I was able to experience how PAs interact with other healthcare providers and how much more time they were able to spend with the patients than doctors could (negative comparison exclude it). I also witnessed the importance of the type of care given, the level of education it takes, the qualities required to be a PA such as ........, and how challenging yet rewarding the profession can be.

After I got my LT position at University Hospital I stopped volunteering. I did not have the time and I felt like I was not making the difference volunteering I thought I would. That was until my mother fell ill and was taken to Northeast Methodist Hospital where they diagnosed her with Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease. Watching my mother recover was hard, but I knew that the hospital staff, including volunteers, was doing everything they could to make her better. The impact they had on my mother’s recovery compelled me to give back to them, so I starting volunteering there. This time I felt like I was actually making a difference to the staff and the patient’s lives. Whether I was asking the patient how they were doing, helping to clean rooms, or making IV starter kits, I was making a difference no matter how small it was.

After volunteering at Northeast Methodist Hospital for a while, I decided to further reach out to my community by volunteering at Habitat for Humanity of San Antonio. I have lived in San Antonio (SA) since I was born 24 years ago and have personally seen the diversity and poverty levels that this city contains. I could not think of a better way to give back to the city that has housed me for my entire lifetime then to help build homes to house the underserved and vulnerable people of SA. I wish I could give money to help fund the building of these homes, instead I will fund the building with my hands and sweat. All of the sweat and soreness was worth it knowing that the work I did brought families who desperately needed a home somewhere to live. I want to do the same thing for people, especially the underserved and vulnerable, however with medicine in its place. (This is a great paragraph but to be honest you could save this for WHY PA?? specific motives??)

We are all by-products of our life experiences. These experiences prepare and shape us into unique individuals with essential abilities that gear us towards certain outcomes. My particular experiences have turned me towards the outcome of pursuing the profession of a PA. I know the qualities it takes to be a PA: Leadership, intelligence, integrity, interpersonal skills, discipline, devotion, confidence, and passion. I found the profession that embodies my character so well and one that I crave to pursue. The profession of a PA would give me the opportunity to play an effective role in healthcare, to always be intellectually challenged, to become a life-long learner, to educate and mentor people, to aid the underserve and vulnerable, and allow me to continue evolving my skills and fueling my passion so I can provide the best medical care possible.

[phil87lip]

My passion for medicine started in my childhood. My father was a medical doctor and knowing that every day he was helping to save people’s lives ignited a flame in me to help those in need. After my father passed away when I was eleven, instead of my flame burning out, it burned hotter and brighter. Although my passion was amplified, my father’s passing still took a toll on my family. My mother had to work three jobs to support her four children. She tried to give us as normal a childhood as possible, but despite her efforts a fourteen I took a job at the local restaurant as a dishwasher to help. Looking back I am thankful to have worked that job because it built my character and drove my passion towards customer service, which I could eventually transcribe into a healthcare setting.

However, I cannot give all the credit to dishwashing for my character and desire today. After dishwashing, I worked four years at H-E-B grocery stores; there I assimilated vital interpersonal skills that furnished me with an outgoing personality. These skills were attributed to the interactions and relationships I made with co-workers and customers. While I value what I obtained during my employment at H-E-B, I knew my interpersonal skills and longing for serving people I could be challenged further. Therefore, I sought positions in the medical field. In doing so, I could immerse myself in a healthcare setting and see the different career options of medicine.While volunteering at University Hospital in San Antonio, an opportunity to work in a position as an Laboratory Technologist (LT) presented itself. Currently now I work as a in the microbiology department at University Hospital in San Antonio and have for over three years. I am grateful for my experience at H-E-B because while (moved the sentences around).

As an LT, I work behind the scenes in medicine instead of the frontlines like physician assistants (PA). From my LT experience, I have learned the importance of different aspects of medicine such as time management, how to work as a team, and now that I want to be in the forefronts of medicine giving the direct patient care. Not only did I gain those skills as an LT, I was also given the opportunity to start aiding the very people I have always had the passion to help, those in need (HOW???).

Although I had an idea of what PAs and other healthcare providers did on an everyday basis, I was not exposed to the profession until I started shadowing a PA in the emergency department at University Hospital. While shadowing, I was able to experience how PAs interact with other healthcare providers and how much more time they were able to spend with the patients than doctors could (negative comparison exclude it). I also witnessed the importance of the type of care given, the level of education it takes, the qualities required to be a PA such as ........, and how challenging yet rewarding the profession can be.

After I got my LT position at University Hospital I stopped volunteering. I did not have the time and I felt like I was not making the difference volunteering I thought I would. That was until my mother fell ill and was taken to Northeast Methodist Hospital where they diagnosed her with Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease. Watching my mother recover was hard, but I knew that the hospital staff, including volunteers, was doing everything they could to make her better. The impact they had on my mother’s recovery compelled me to give back to them, so I starting volunteering there. This time I felt like I was actually making a difference to the staff and the patient’s lives. Whether I was asking the patient how they were doing, helping to clean rooms, or making IV starter kits, I was making a difference no matter how small it was.

After volunteering at Northeast Methodist Hospital for a while, I decided to further reach out to my community by volunteering at Habitat for Humanity of San Antonio. I have lived in San Antonio (SA) since I was born 24 years ago and have personally seen the diversity and poverty levels that this city contains. I could not think of a better way to give back to the city that has housed me for my entire lifetime then to help build homes to house the underserved and vulnerable people of SA. I wish I could give money to help fund the building of these homes, instead I will fund the building with my hands and sweat. All of the sweat and soreness was worth it knowing that the work I did brought families who desperately needed a home somewhere to live. I want to do the same thing for people, especially the underserved and vulnerable, however with medicine in its place. (This is a great paragraph but to be honest you could save this for WHY PA?? specific motives??)

We are all by-products of our life experiences. These experiences prepare and shape us into unique individuals with essential abilities that gear us towards certain outcomes. My particular experiences have turned me towards the outcome of pursuing the profession of a PA. I know the qualities it takes to be a PA: Leadership, intelligence, integrity, interpersonal skills, discipline, devotion, confidence, and passion. I found the profession that embodies my character so well and one that I crave to pursue. The profession of a PA would give me the opportunity to play an effective role in healthcare, to always be intellectually challenged, to become a life-long learner, to educate and mentor people, to aid the underserve and vulnerable, and allow me to continue evolving my skills and fueling my passion so I can provide the best medical care possible.

I added an updated version of my essay within the reply section above your comment. Could you critique that one? I believe it is a little better although it still needs some work.

Thanks!

[AZ-Buckeye]

My suggestion, you have good content as stated earlier with a great start with the opening paragraph and ending paragraph. The middle section needs to be beefed up, expaneded on and refrain from making it sound less like a listing of traits from a resume and more like a story that flows. When I wrote mine I would just start over because I kept editing the same essay but struggled to change content. I would get rid of the second paragraph and work on a smoother transition into why you chose healthcare. The third paragrah can be eliminated and the fourth and fifth paragraphs are good but needs some polishing. Again, read some other good essays to see how they flow and read more like a story.

[IDrunner11]

My passion for medicine started in my childhood. My father was a medical doctor and knowing that every day he was helping to save people’s lives ignited a flame in me to help those in need. After my father passed away when I was eleven, instead of my flame burning out, it burned hotter and brighter. Although my passion was amplified, my father’s passing still took a toll on my family. My mother had to work three jobs to support her four children and after seeing how hard she had to work to support us, I sought a job to help relieve some of the stress on her and help my family. I was only fourteen years old, but I was eager to work and being a bus boy/dishwasher constructed a hard work ethic in me. Looking back I am thankful to have worked that job because it built my character, my discipline, and drove my passion towards customer service, which I could eventually transcribe into a healthcare setting.

 

However, I cannot give all the credit to busing tables and dishwashing for my character and desire today. After that job, I worked over four years at H-E-B grocery stores; now I work as a Laboratory Technologist (LT) in the microbiology department at University Hospital (UH) in San Antonio (SA) and have for over three years. I am grateful for my experience at H-E-B because while there I assimilated vital interpersonal skills that furnished me with an outgoing personality while also earning money to help pay for college. Though I value what I obtained during my employment at H-E-B, I knew my interpersonal skills and longing for serving people could be challenged further. Therefore, I sought positions in the medical field. In doing so, I could immerse myself in a healthcare setting and see the different career options of medicine.

 

While volunteering at UH, an opportunity to work in a position as an LT presented itself. As an LT, I work behind the scenes in medicine instead of the frontlines like physician assistants (PA). Even though I was not giving the direct patient care I pursued; I was still a part of a team helping to treat patients. From my LT experience, I have learned the importance of different aspects of medicine, time management, how to work as a team, and that I want to participate in direct patient care.

Although I had an idea of what PAs and other healthcare providers did on an everyday basis, I was not exposed to the profession until I started shadowing a PA in the ER at UH. While shadowing, I was able to experience how PAs interact with other healthcare providers and patients. My decision to choose the profession of a PA over a doctor came down to the amount of time I could spend with patients. I noticed that PAs could devote more time to their patients and form bonds with them then doctors could. I would rather spend less than three years in school to have that extra time with a patient than eight years with less time.  (This is a valid opinion but some programs might find these negative, also take into account some PA program committees have doctors and they might take this as an offense. I would find a relevant experience from your PA shadowing and tie maybe by rewording these sentences.

 

After I got my LT position at UH I stopped volunteering there. I did not have the time and I felt like I wasn’t making the difference volunteering I thought I would. That was until my mother fell ill and was taken to Northeast Methodist Hospital (NMH) where she was diagnosed with COPD. As I watched the hospital’s staff and volunteers provide my mother with outstanding care, I knew I had to volunteer here. This time I felt like I was actually making a difference to the staff and the patient’s lives. Whether I was asking patients how they were doing, cleaning rooms, or making IV starter kits, I was making a difference no matter how small it was.

 

It seemed I found a new hobby volunteering so I ventured new avenues and reached out further to my community by volunteering with Habitat for Humanity of San Antonio. I’ve lived in SA since I was born and have seen the levels of diversity and poverty this city. I could not think of a better way to give back to the city that has housed me then to build homes to house the underserved and vulnerable people of SA. Since I didn’t have the money to fund these houses, I gave my sweat and hands instead. The sweat and soreness was worth it knowing that my hard work brought those families somewhere to live. I want to do the same thing for people, especially the underserved and vulnerable, however with medicine in its place and as a PA instead of a volunteer.

 

We are all by-products of our life experiences. My particular experiences have turned me towards the profession of a PA. I know the qualities it takes to be a PA: Leadership, intelligence, integrity, interpersonal skills, discipline, devotion, confidence, and passion. I found the profession that embodies my character so well and one that I crave to pursue. The profession of a PA would give me the opportunity to play an effective role in healthcare, to always be intellectually challenged, to become a life-long learner, to educate and mentor people, to aid the underserved and vulnerable, and allow me to continue evolving my skills and fueling my passion so I can provide the best medical care possible.

 

 

Better wording and the editing helped.

Overall – I think this personal statement shows you are a compassionate, hardworking person with passion for healthcare but it lacks substantial evidence for why you want to be a PA which is the main CAPSA prompt.  

[phil87lip]

My passion for medicine started in my childhood. My father was a medical doctor and knowing that every day he was helping to save people’s lives ignited a flame in me to help those in need. After my father passed away when I was eleven, instead of my flame burning out, it burned hotter and brighter. Although my passion was amplified, my father’s passing still took a toll on my family. My mother had to work three jobs to support her four children and after seeing how hard she had to work to support us, I sought a job to help relieve some of the stress on her and help my family. I was only fourteen years old, but I was eager to work and being a bus boy/dishwasher constructed a hard work ethic in me. Looking back I am thankful to have worked that job because it built my character, my discipline, and drove my passion towards customer service, which I could eventually transcribe into a healthcare setting.

 

However, I cannot give all the credit to busing tables and dishwashing for my character and desire today. After that job, I worked over four years at H-E-B grocery stores; now I work as a Laboratory Technologist (LT) in the microbiology department at University Hospital (UH) in San Antonio (SA) and have for over three years. I am grateful for my experience at H-E-B because while there I assimilated vital interpersonal skills that furnished me with an outgoing personality while also earning money to help pay for college. Though I value what I obtained during my employment at H-E-B, I knew my interpersonal skills and longing for serving people could be challenged further. Therefore, I sought positions in the medical field. In doing so, I could immerse myself in a healthcare setting and see the different career options of medicine.

 

While volunteering at UH, an opportunity to work in a position as an LT presented itself. As an LT, I work behind the scenes in medicine instead of the frontlines like physician assistants (PA). Even though I was not giving the direct patient care I pursued; I was still a part of a team helping to treat patients. From my LT experience, I have learned the importance of different aspects of medicine, time management, how to work as a team, and that I want to participate in direct patient care.

Although I had an idea of what PAs and other healthcare providers did on an everyday basis, I was not exposed to the profession until I started shadowing a PA in the ER at UH. While shadowing, I was able to experience how PAs interact with other healthcare providers and patients. My decision to choose the profession of a PA over a doctor came down to the amount of time I could spend with patients. I noticed that PAs could devote more time to their patients and form bonds with them then doctors could. I would rather spend less than three years in school to have that extra time with a patient than eight years with less time.  (This is a valid opinion but some programs might find these negative, also take into account some PA program committees have doctors and they might take this as an offense. I would find a relevant experience from your PA shadowing and tie maybe by rewording these sentences.

 

After I got my LT position at UH I stopped volunteering there. I did not have the time and I felt like I wasn’t making the difference volunteering I thought I would. That was until my mother fell ill and was taken to Northeast Methodist Hospital (NMH) where she was diagnosed with COPD. As I watched the hospital’s staff and volunteers provide my mother with outstanding care, I knew I had to volunteer here. This time I felt like I was actually making a difference to the staff and the patient’s lives. Whether I was asking patients how they were doing, cleaning rooms, or making IV starter kits, I was making a difference no matter how small it was.

 

It seemed I found a new hobby volunteering so I ventured new avenues and reached out further to my community by volunteering with Habitat for Humanity of San Antonio. I’ve lived in SA since I was born and have seen the levels of diversity and poverty this city. I could not think of a better way to give back to the city that has housed me then to build homes to house the underserved and vulnerable people of SA. Since I didn’t have the money to fund these houses, I gave my sweat and hands instead. The sweat and soreness was worth it knowing that my hard work brought those families somewhere to live. I want to do the same thing for people, especially the underserved and vulnerable, however with medicine in its place and as a PA instead of a volunteer.

 

We are all by-products of our life experiences. My particular experiences have turned me towards the profession of a PA. I know the qualities it takes to be a PA: Leadership, intelligence, integrity, interpersonal skills, discipline, devotion, confidence, and passion. I found the profession that embodies my character so well and one that I crave to pursue. The profession of a PA would give me the opportunity to play an effective role in healthcare, to always be intellectually challenged, to become a life-long learner, to educate and mentor people, to aid the underserved and vulnerable, and allow me to continue evolving my skills and fueling my passion so I can provide the best medical care possible.

 

 

Better wording and the editing helped.

Overall – I think this personal statement shows you are a compassionate, hardworking person with passion for healthcare but it lacks substantial evidence for why you want to be a PA which is the main CAPSA prompt.  

Yeah, I posted that and thought I should reword that sentence in my PA shadowing paragraph. I agree I need to make it more clear why I want to be a PA. Do you have any suggestions to help me?