iamme Posted February 2, 2014 Share Posted February 2, 2014 Please offer any guidance on my PS.... Thanks My journey into becoming a physician assistant (PA) has taken many courses. I have always been interested in the sciences, and wanted to be knowledgeable about the human body and its functions. I graduated with a Bachelor of Science in Nutritional Sciences. This degree had extensive coursework in the sciences revealing how the body interacts with food. The healing nature of how nutrients affect the body is phenomenal; on the contrary, throughout my work experiences, I learned more about the detrimental effects of malnutrition. Thus, my journey into becoming a physician assistant started because I wanted to be an advocate for proper nutrition paired with good medicine. Subsequently, when my then two-year old daughter developed a scalp infection in December of 2011, I knew being a physician assistant was my future. She spent most of 2012 battling the infection, taking various medications, and meeting with numerous doctors including dermatologist and other providers. With no hopes of relief, I watched my daughter suffer from scalp sores, redness, and irritation on and off for almost a year. The doctors simply did not know what was going on. The sores would come and go almost as if playing hide and seek at her doctor's appointments. I could only weep for my child. The doctors and dermatologist were calling it a fungal infection; however, it did not seem to respond to weeks of anti-fungal medication. My nurturing instincts told me to stop giving it to her. It got to the point where I had to rush to the emergency room to catch the culprit "in action", so they could swab it to see what would grow from the culture; it yielded no results. I received referral to a quick care facility. There came in a whistling and singing physician whose diagnosis was Folliculitis, a bacterial infection. This upbeat yet tender-spirited person spent all of three minutes with us, and after 10 long months of battling these episodes, she was "cured". The doubts about his diagnosis set in, but quickly quelled from his confidence and high spirits; he was trusted, I trusted him. The idea of becoming a PA had been bearing heavily on my mind prior, but it is within that moment, my dreams solidified. I want to be that provider remembered for taking the appropriate steps in diagnosing and treating patients back to homeostasis. To help families develop trust in their health-care and know their providers are here to provide the services that they seek. Being a PA will allow me to serve in this capacity and will allow me to help practice primary care and bring more education and awareness to the under-served population. Patients will trust that their provider has their best interest at heart, choose the correct course of action, and treat the whole person and not the symptoms. To be a part of an elite and emerging medical team will allow the aging population to feel safe in going to the see "the doctor". My works over the years as a nutritionist have been able to help satisfy some of my desires of providing optimal patient care. However, my scope of practice limits how much I can help. Being able to recognize and treat health concerns and see the look of relief on patients' faces will give a sense of meaningfulness to be involved in patient care. I want to be able to extend those warm thoughts about hope to my patients in knowing all will be well, and if not, they have support. Thus, gaining acceptance in your physician assistant program will indeed bring a fresh and humbling perspective to the medical field. I will bring only excellence and endurance to the practice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iamme Posted February 3, 2014 Author Share Posted February 3, 2014 so, i guess my PE is just wonderful, no comments...thanks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ceschlorff Posted February 3, 2014 Share Posted February 3, 2014 You posted this two days....relax.... I thought your essay was good. I know you touch on why you want to be a PA, but I don't think your story about your daughter really matches up with that because you only talk about doctors in that experience....which is fine, but I think you need to add some sort of "bridge" connecting that story with why you want to be a PA over a different healthcare profession...like a doctor or a nurse, etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rbusta Posted February 3, 2014 Share Posted February 3, 2014 I agree with the above reply, i believe you need to in corporate more specifics of what it is about he PA profession that's got you hooked and determined to pursue it, why not MD or NP that could probably have diagnosed your child the same. If you've had shadowing experience or volunteer experience r/t PAs, this would help in elaborating on this. But i think the anecdote related to your kid being affected by that condition is personal and good, it serves the essay well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iamme Posted February 3, 2014 Author Share Posted February 3, 2014 lol @ ceshorff....you are very correct...i do need to relax.....I agree with you and rbusta, I think that is what is lacking in my statement......I never really shadowed a PA....I have more working experiences with DO , NP, and MD honestly... Unfortunately, when I did shadow a PA back in 2008 ...it was a turn off for me...how the guy was looking at his patients as numbers and money he could make rather than people and really providing help.....I only spend a few hrs with him...and never went back.... but, I am still wanting to be a PA..never shadowed any other PA... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ceschlorff Posted February 3, 2014 Share Posted February 3, 2014 I am not telling you to lie....but I would not say the above in your narrative lol....try to spin the experience a little differently.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dedicatedPA Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 I think you should reconsider your content. You should mention every experience related to your educational goals. I am sorry for what happened to your daughter but I think you should be able to explain the story and make your point in only one paragraph. You can say that you understand the importance of shadowing and start right away ! Shadowing is a must ! Many resources are available online I personally used the following resources while I wrote PS: https://career.berkeley.edu/default.stm https://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/642/01/ http://www.gradschools.com/article-detail/grad-statement-114 ( Organization & Flow) http://www.uni.edu/~gotera/gradapp/stmtpurpose.htm (STYLE) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iamme Posted February 5, 2014 Author Share Posted February 5, 2014 I think you should reconsider your content. You should mention every experience related to your educational goals. I am sorry for what happened to your daughter but I think you should be able to explain the story and make your point in only one paragraph. You can say that you understand the importance of shadowing and start right away ! Shadowing is a must ! Many resources are available online I personally used the following resources while I wrote PS: https://career.berkeley.edu/default.stm https://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/642/01/ http://www.gradschools.com/article-detail/grad-statement-114 ( Organization & Flow) http://www.uni.edu/~gotera/gradapp/stmtpurpose.htm (STYLE) thanks for this...really appreciate the resources.....question, are you accepted in the Program or already graduated? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redrider Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 Approach your narrative with a few main points you want to get across to the reader. For example, what are the characteristics of a successful PA, or what drove you to want to be a PA, etc. Then find life experiences you have and how you have learned these attributes. Ex. Explain how you observed that attribute with the PA you shadowed during a specific patient encounter. In your narrative, you need to tie the part talking about your daughter back into why you want to be a PA. It is a good experience to mention but needs to explain more of why that is necessary to be brought up in your narrative. Ask yourself how has this traumatic experience given me the desire to go into medicine? A story without a reason for it being there could hurt you. Explain that as you saw the clinicians ......... you wanted to contribute back, etc. Good Luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NathanLe Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 Your intro is very factual and dry. Do you have a powerful patient experience from your time as a nutritionist that you could share in an intro and then transition to your desire to be a PA? The connection between your daughter's situation and your desire to be a PA takes some time to explain, so I wouldn't say that you knew you wanted to be a PA before you make that connection (if you use your daughter's story). Well into your essay, you briefly mention that you had been thinking about a career as a PA for some time. That feels funky. What motivated you to want to be a PA in the first place? I'd make sure that you connect your main points better so it's not so jumpy. Pepper in a personal experience or two that show why you will make a good PA. Keep going. I revised mine about 25 times. It will get there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iamme Posted February 17, 2014 Author Share Posted February 17, 2014 Approach your narrative with a few main points you want to get across to the reader. For example, what are the characteristics of a successful PA, or what drove you to want to be a PA, etc. Then find life experiences you have and how you have learned these attributes. Ex. Explain how you observed that attribute with the PA you shadowed during a specific patient encounter. In your narrative, you need to tie the part talking about your daughter back into why you want to be a PA. It is a good experience to mention but needs to explain more of why that is necessary to be brought up in your narrative. Ask yourself how has this traumatic experience given me the desire to go into medicine? A story without a reason for it being there could hurt you. Explain that as you saw the clinicians ......... you wanted to contribute back, etc. Good Luck Thanks, I think I failed to do that. I will work on it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iamme Posted February 17, 2014 Author Share Posted February 17, 2014 Your intro is very factual and dry. Do you have a powerful patient experience from your time as a nutritionist that you could share in an intro and then transition to your desire to be a PA? The connection between your daughter's situation and your desire to be a PA takes some time to explain, so I wouldn't say that you knew you wanted to be a PA before you make that connection (if you use your daughter's story). Well into your essay, you briefly mention that you had been thinking about a career as a PA for some time. That feels funky. What motivated you to want to be a PA in the first place? I'd make sure that you connect your main points better so it's not so jumpy. Pepper in a personal experience or two that show why you will make a good PA. Keep going. I revised mine about 25 times. It will get there. Yeah I have a few of those experiences I could use. Thanks, I could rewrite it as such. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iamme Posted February 17, 2014 Author Share Posted February 17, 2014 Thanks for all the help guys. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pdjags Posted February 26, 2014 Share Posted February 26, 2014 I like some things, and others make very little sense. The organization of your essay is very convoluted. Meaning, when you mention a thought process (ie classes and training as a nutritionist) and talk about malnutrition, but then you jump to your daughter's scalp infection and folliculitis, there is no transition there! You obviously have a passion for "nutrition and good medicine", but why did you suddenly stop there and move on to a topic that had no correlation to your opening paragraph? Why did you never bring up malnutrition again? I almost want to take your conclusion paragraph and move it aaaaalll the way up to the top right after you introduction. And suggest how nutrition and working with individuals focus on their health has "satisfied some of my desires of providing optimal patient care", however your determination to be trained as a physician assistant has been nourished by a situation much closer to home - your daughter! Her health is obviously one of the most important things to you and the way that PA made you feel is what you want to replicate with other parents. However, I would NOT BASH other medical providers or ever make they look bad. You make yourself look bad by doing so! The had no intention of continuing your daughter's pain. Rather, I would commend them for their efforts, but realize that what made you feel so great with the PA's diagnosis was the process of figuring it out. Also, I think shadowing is silly. I have mentioned it in other points, but honestly, I don't think admissions committees care about it! Rarely is it mandatory and it doesn't really get you many points on your application. What does is direct patient care interaction! I imagine that you have substantially effected an individual's life with your care and instruction towards dietary issues! It may be more beneficial (like NathanLe said) to pick a patient experience you had and drop your daughter's example all together. Or just be more concise about it! You can express your experiences with patients, but then explain that your daughter's tough experience is what really solidified your decision! I like what you have to say and think you have a lot of personal experience to work off of. Just make sure it flows, is concise, yet cohesive. Hope this helps! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iamme Posted February 26, 2014 Author Share Posted February 26, 2014 I like some things, and others make very little sense. The organization of your essay is very convoluted. Meaning, when you mention a thought process (ie classes and training as a nutritionist) and talk about malnutrition, but then you jump to your daughter's scalp infection and folliculitis, there is no transition there! You obviously have a passion for "nutrition and good medicine", but why did you suddenly stop there and move on to a topic that had no correlation to your opening paragraph? Why did you never bring up malnutrition again? I almost want to take your conclusion paragraph and move it aaaaalll the way up to the top right after you introduction. And suggest how nutrition and working with individuals focus on their health has "satisfied some of my desires of providing optimal patient care", however your determination to be trained as a physician assistant has been nourished by a situation much closer to home - your daughter! Her health is obviously one of the most important things to you and the way that PA made you feel is what you want to replicate with other parents. However, I would NOT BASH other medical providers or ever make they look bad. You make yourself look bad by doing so! The had no intention of continuing your daughter's pain. Rather, I would commend them for their efforts, but realize that what made you feel so great with the PA's diagnosis was the process of figuring it out. Also, I think shadowing is silly. I have mentioned it in other points, but honestly, I don't think admissions committees care about it! Rarely is it mandatory and it doesn't really get you many points on your application. What does is direct patient care interaction! I imagine that you have substantially effected an individual's life with your care and instruction towards dietary issues! It may be more beneficial (like NathanLe said) to pick a patient experience you had and drop your daughter's example all together. Or just be more concise about it! You can express your experiences with patients, but then explain that your daughter's tough experience is what really solidified your decision! I like what you have to say and think you have a lot of personal experience to work off of. Just make sure it flows, is concise, yet cohesive. Hope this helps! hmmm..wasn't bashing anyone...but I see your point...I do have a lot of personal experiences to have mentioned....so i could go from there.... funny I am revising it for next cycle, that's exactly what I did...but we'll see thanks alot... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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