"My Superman has Cerebral palsy"-personal statement for PA school :)

[mcmullec]

I would appreciate all kinds of feedback on my rough draft, I've really had a hard time digging deep and showing the personal side of me.. I have a pretty good GPA but I know my personal statement is my ticket to an interview. Thank you all so much for your criticism. :)

 

“I tell people my son is Superman, he just spells it different: cerebral palsy.” This quote spelled out in black cursive letters was hanging on a sign above Ryan’s bed the first day I met him, his room was decorated in Twins’ baseball memorabilia, and it smelled distinctly of baby powder and Ensure. The knot in my stomach grew as I observed the morning routine being performed on Ryan, “first you break up the diazepam and baclofen and mix it with 10 cc’s of distilled water, and then you use the syringe and administer the mixture into his gastrostomy.” Ryan was lying in his bed, his limbs were stiff and forced into awkward positions, a spastic wave of his arm, a nod of his head, or a glance in a specific direction were amongst the very limited weapons that Ryan had in his communication arsenal, he was diagnosed as a spastic quadriplegic with cerebral palsy when he was only four months old. I was amazed to find so much life booming in Ryan, he taught me that living with a disability doesn’t limit your abilities, and no matter the circumstance, all dreams dreamt are attainable. One life saving moment has impacted my existence forever, not only did I save Ryan’s life, but he also saved mine.

 

When Ryan smiled, which was often, his smile brightened up the whole room; I walked up to greet him that Friday afternoon when I arrived at the Hope House for my evening shift, I was the live in counselor at the group home. I knew that he wouldn’t forget the promise I made to him a few days ago about going to Dairy Queen after his appointment with the neurologist, he kept gazing at the clock with a look of worry in his eyes, he hated being late so I knew I had to get going. This was my first time taking Ryan to his appointment; we walked into the clinic and were directed towards one of the exam rooms, a man walked in and I immediately felt Ryan relax. The Physician assistant introduced himself to me and then spent the rest of the time catching up and talking to Ryan. He was so compassionate and patient with Ryan, he showed the ability to appreciate and bond with him on a different level. This was my first encounter with the PA profession and I was captivated. Later as I was feeding Ryan his chocolate chip cookie dough blizzard, I looked at him and asked “do you think I could be like him someday, I mean be a PA and take care of people?” Ryan stopped eating and looked at me; he smiled the biggest, brightest smile, which in his language translated to “Yes!”

 

From that day forward I put all my focus into the PA profession, I read more about the role a PA plays in a patient’s healthcare, began shadowing PA’s at our local clinic, and continued to take Ryan to his weekly appointments to ask the PA questions and seek more advice.

 

Part of my duties as the live in counselor was to attend to the residents’ needs if they needed me in the middle of the night, an alarm would go off to alert me if they got out of bed. There was one night in particular I will never forget, I arrived home after a long day at school my brain felt like mush after studying passionately for my biochemistry test the following day. I dropped off my books in the entry way and rushed upstairs to say my routine good night wishes to the residents and to go over the day’s activities with the relief staff. Ann was sitting in the office doing her nightly charting and mentioned that Ryan really wasn’t himself today, when I went in his room to say good night he was already asleep so I decided not to wake him. Beep, Beep, BEEP, I quickly woke up to the alarm going off in my apartment, I jumped out of bed and ran upstairs, storming into Ryan’s room I found him lying on the floor, his body was jerking uncontrollably, and he was starting to get blue around the mouth. I have experienced seizures before during my time as an EMT, but I never experienced one with a cerebral palsy patient. I instantly checked his airway to make sure it wasn’t obstructed and that he was breathing, I then moved his wheelchair and laid a pillow by his head. My heart was beating out of my chest, but I knew I had to remain calm and let his body come out of the episode naturally. I called 911 and continued to monitor Ryan and when the EMS personal arrived I debriefed them about the events that took place. The feeling that you get knowing you single handedly changed the life of another is truly indescribable. I knew at that point I wanted to be in a position where I could follow up with the patient, I sought to have the connection that Ryan had with his PA.

 

I will never forget that night Ryan had his seizure, every day when I think about Ryan’s disease it just doesn’t seem fair that even our “miracle” medicine cannot save him. I have had many experiences in my life, but nothing has impacted me the way medicine has. Ryan’s mother still thanks me to this day for reacting so bravely the night he had his first tonic-clonic convulsion, she said I was his hero that very night, but in reality he is the true Superman.

[saloo]

Not sure if i can give any constructive criticism, but I truly loved your personal statement. It's beautifully written, succinct and very touching. Good luck!

[GreatChecko]

I love the story and think it will definitely open some doors.

 

As for criticism, I'm left wondering about this sentence, "I knew at that point I wanted to be in a position where I could follow up with the patient, I sought to have the connection that Ryan had with his PA." I can see that it had an affect, but I want to know more about how it "saved your life" and led you to become a PA. You're probably running into space constraints, but I think this is your springboard into elaborating why you want to be a PA, which also helps the AdCom understand how well you understand the profession.

 

Some style suggestions. You already have me hooked in the first paragraph and this sentence, "One life saving moment has impacted my existence forever, not only did I save Ryan’s life, but he also saved mine," really isn't necessary. You tell a great story, bring the PA thing in very quickly, you may not need this hook. Plus, the phrases could make for a very impactful final sentence.

 

If you're looking for somewhere to save on characters, try removing this sentence, "Part of my duties as the live in counselor was to attend to the residents’ needs if they needed me in the middle of the night, an alarm would go off to alert me if they got out of bed." I know you work in a group home. Maybe by adding "bed alarm" after the "Beep, beep, beep" to explain the noise would suffice. You paint a great picture of what is going on and the reader will very quickly find out why that alarm is important. Suspense can be a good thing!

 

As for places to find more room if you need it, you can consider editing or removing the fourth paragraph. It's good stuff, so try to work it in elsewhere if you need to eliminate it.

 

Again, great story. You will have the adcoms loving you because they get to read something different and interesting. If anything, elaborate on how this relationship made you want to be a PA and you'll have a bulletproof essay.

 

[enfermeraRN]

You had me hooked from the beginning. The only critique is your grammar and punctuation. I don't think anyone is perfect at it (lol) but before turning it in, make sure an English nerd/teacher goes over it. Good luck! Wish you and your Superman the best :=D: