First draft! Too long and personal? Criticism appreciated! :]

[aznlady]

With spaces and stuff I have about 9k characters, but the limit for CASPA is 5k. So I need help to condense and omit etc.

Also, I was wondering if I was being too personal?

I appreciate constructive criticism!! I really want to make my personal statement well and get into PA school. I had a bad last semester and am hoping I can explain some of it in here.

 

Thank you!!

 

 

Imagine waking up on the ground and in tears, trying to keep yourself together, after a slurry of flashing images. First they were slowly idling by which then transitioned into becoming progressively chaotic until it was all one big blur that dissipated into a single image that is accompanied by a hellish scream…only to find out that scream is no other than your own. This is what I woke up from during the Spring of 2012. Was it just a nightmare? I wish. I had apparently undergone a seizure. While I was experiencing what felt like a few haphazard seconds, on the surface my body had apparently gone stiff and extremely rigid for several minutes until it erupted into turbulent flails and screams—which was my consciousness coming back.

This was the first time I had ever experienced a seizure. There was a surge of emotions that would not let my sobbing cease. Luckily my boyfriend was nearby to ensure my safety and my roommate immediately rushed over to attempt to ease me. Since both were at a lost, they insisted on taking me to the hospital, but I adamantly refused. My mother had been struggling with depression these past couple of years and had finally gone on a trip to attempt to remedy her situation. I absolutely did not want her to come home and find out that there was yet another thing going wrong in life and worry. My roommate, unknowing of my mother’s situation, continued to insist on the hospital. The only way I could convince her that I did not need to go was to call Amanda, a close family friend whom was a PA. At that time, I did not fully understand what a PA was, but I knew she was a professional healthcare provider and that her word would be more convincing. Although I was reluctant to let more people know of the situation, it was still better than going to the hospital and having the incident on records and bills.

It had actually been about an hour since the incident when I had finally called and sought her advice. We explained the situation in detail. She gave a preliminary diagnosis that it was indeed a seizure and agreed that the bulk of the incident had passed. She did warn that without a physical examination, the diagnosis would of course be flawed, but, given my situation, she said that it was not dire to go to a hospital, have the incident recorded, and then be heavily billed. I rejoiced and she eased my roommate and boyfriend, so long as I took extra precautions and promised to call for help immediately if a similar situation was to arise.

For several days and weeks following the incident, she would call or message me to check on my condition. Her extreme and gentle care is what made me begin to wonder “What exactly is a PA?”. I was a pre-med student, preparing to apply to medical school so I was already passionate about medicine. Any other career besides a doctor was not in my sight. However… what was a PA? I began messaging Amanda to inquire more about the field. That is when I learned about the slight, but key differences between a physician and a physician’s assistant. With her help and my own research, I discovered the team dynamic, the versatility, and flexibility of becoming a PA rather than a doctor. I began to think about what I ultimately wanted in life, and realized that these aspects likely suited me better than becoming a doctor. I love working on a team, exploring different fields, and the thought of having a family in the future. Although these aspects were appealing, I was still a pre-med student. All of the coursework I had taken until then had perfectly prepared me to enter into medical school, but if I were to switch to PA I would have to start over on several classes. This was also the summer I had planned to apply to medical school, and I would have to wait another year to finish my pre-requisites for PA in order to apply, and then wait another year before I am actually accepted. This was a very difficult decision for me and my indecisiveness had caused me to half-*** my application to medical school.

My attitude was the clearest indication that what I truly wanted to pursue was becoming a PA, not a doctor. However, this was not the end of my struggles. Switching to pre-pa courses the following semester was rough. I had become accustomed to pre-med and honors courses where the class sizes were much smaller and the study make-up was quite different. I struggled with the different environment, but fought my way through and started to adapt.

I still struggle with the social changes that came with my decision. I really felt the pressure the next semester. My parents who did not know of the PA field either were against it. They were worried about my future and if I’d be able to make a living. They’d constantly tell me that they wanted me to be able to provide for a better future for my family than they were able to for me. In response I would tell them that I am quite happy with the environment I grew up in—I believe it makes for a stronger character whom can relate to an array of backgrounds. Yes PAs will not have the salary of a doctor, but I am perfectly okay with that. With being a PA, I can practice medicine and give the care I have been shown to others as well as still be able to provide a living for my family. On the other hand, there were my friends. Practically all of my friends at OU were pre-med students. Changing paths was difficult in this aspect as well because I would no longer be spending long nights with them studying, no longer be discussing the different medical schools we wanted to apply to together, and no longer could joke about how difficult our classes were or of the hours preparing for the MCAT. But what was most difficult was when my friends started to receive their acceptance letters. It was bittersweet. Yes, I was happy for them and their accomplishment, but I was also sad that I was not joining them. There was a constant nagging feeling that I was no longer as good as they were. The only thing I could do was distance myself from them, or else the feeling of loss would constantly cloud my goal.

Spring of 2013 I had decided to try to busy myself to keep myself from thinking of my friends. I started undergraduate research. I started a new job to teach kids in afterschool programs. And I started to finish up my last biochemistry courses. However, several unexpected occurrences sprang this year. Re-transitioning back to biochemistry courses was a bit difficult initially. Most of the faces I saw were unfamiliar. My new job ended up being a bit larger of a time commitment than initially anticipated. Due to the nature of the job, there were a lot of last-minute changes and scheduling as well as a lot of prep work. On the bright side, the research load was pretty much as expected. However, I ran into some health problems, which became a reoccurring theme. I have generally good health, but it seemed like once this problem hit, more problems that were associated with it kept springing up. I kept my health problems a secret as well as I could. The more people who knew of it, the more people would worry and concern themselves…which was not what I wanted. Keeping all of this a secret was yet another task in its own. And in the end what fell to the side were my grades.

By the end of the semester it seemed the health problems had finally met its end, and with it many of my other problems. However, it did its damage. Nevertheless, my determination to become a PA had not fallen by the wayside. As soon as I could, I scheduled some time to shadow a PA. I already have experience in healthcare and was able to discuss the PA field with many different PAs as well as PA patients informally, but I figured it was time to take another look. It never hurts to gain more experience. The last time I had shadowed a PA was at a free clinic nearly a semester ago. This time it was at an actual institution. I had come on a “good” day. And by good, I mean it was packed full of different cases. Clientele age ranged from infants to the elderly. Cases ranged from simple check-ups to castings to even an emergency fracture! The fracture surprised everyone there as well and they called to have the child sent to the emergency room at once. It was a hectic day, but it strengthened my determination to become a PA even more.

Soon enough summer crept up and I was off. Why? To work. I applied for a summer position as the company my sister works at and got it. I knew that I would need this well-paying job in order to pay for my general living expenses, school, and the application fees.

PA school is neither cheap nor easy. I have prepared and am continually preparing myself for a career in health and as a PA. Although I have overcome many obstacles, there are still many more on their way. Nonetheless, becoming a caring physician assistant and medically serving my community has become my goal which I hope will turn into my journey.

[TarheelGirlx3]

You have a LOT going on here...a lot of sentences just have unnecessary added words. For example, your sentence "First they were slowly idling by which then transitioned into becoming progressively chaotic until it was all one big blur that dissipated into a single image that is accompanied by a hellish scream…only to find out that scream is no other than your own." I would suggest go through each sentence, think about what you really want to say, and think of a more succinct way to say it.

As far as content goes, you are really all over the place. I think the way you talk about how you wanted to be a doctor, indecisiveness, and actually saying "half-***" is a HUGE no no. They are really going to question your motivation and drive to be a PA...why say you are indecisive? Why not change your mind back to MD? And I really think you could do away with talking about your premed friends...not really relevant. You also talk about doctors quite negatively...you do not want to do that because ADCOMs often times consist of doctors, and PAs do not side against doctors, so talking about them in a negative way just looks bad.

 

oh and PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do NOT write "Physician's assistant"...ever. You are not owned by the physician, nor their direct assistant.

 

I think you really just need to put away this draft, really think about why you want to be PA, and elaborate more on that. Good luck.

[aznlady]

Thanks alot for the critiques!

I was thinking about the wordy-ness. I was trying to create an image, but I guess it back-fired.

 

And I was planning on editting "half-***" but at the time I couldn't think of a synonym.

And I was trying to convey some of the struggles of changing from pre-med to pre-pa. I'm not indecisive anymore. The point of that was to show that despite obstacles and struggles, I still want to pursue being a PA not a doctor.

I did not mean to talk about doctors negatively. I'm sorry if it came off that way. I look up to doctors and those aspiring to be them very much so still. They earn every bit they get and more. I know of the struggles they have to go through and the long hours they much put in. I am not siding against them. I want to be a PA--I couldn't possibly do a good job if I did not truly believe that the doctor I am working with is not capable and competant. I want to work with and under such a person. I know many aspiring doctors, and I would be more than happy and confident to practice with.

 

Thank you for catching the "physician's assistant". That was a typo.

And the main reason why I want to be a PA is because of the often time, more time they are able to spend with individual patients, the flexibility to work in various fields of medicine, and having a team with a doctor.

 

Since this came off so negatively and off, I will probably have to start from scratch as you suggested.

 

Thank you so much for your response!

I didn't realize it came off those ways, and now I will try to work on something that will highlight the other reasons why I want to be a PA.

I wrote this PS this way because I wanted to show something different and a closer look as to my motivations to being a PA, but like I said I guess it backfired.

Thanks!

[aznlady]

And I wrote how I wanted to be a doctor because that was my initial goal. This is what introduced me to the healthcare field. But I wasn't aware of PA before. So when I learned of PA, I had to really think what was different and would this be better fit for me. Can't just go for 7+ years of thinking you're gonna be a doctor and easily let go of it. However, my motivations for becoming a PA have now overwhelmed that desire, so now I'm working for that. :]

[aznlady]

~~~replied in the wrong field i think~~~

Thanks alot for the critiques!

I was thinking about the wordy-ness. I was trying to create an image, but I guess it back-fired.

 

And I was planning on editting "half-***" but at the time I couldn't think of a synonym.

And I was trying to convey some of the struggles of changing from pre-med to pre-pa. I'm not indecisive anymore. The point of that was to show that despite obstacles and struggles, I still want to pursue being a PA not a doctor.

I did not mean to talk about doctors negatively. I'm sorry if it came off that way. I look up to doctors and those aspiring to be them very much so still. They earn every bit they get and more. I know of the struggles they have to go through and the long hours they much put in. I am not siding against them. I want to be a PA--I couldn't possibly do a good job if I did not truly believe that the doctor I am working with is not capable and competant. I want to work with and under such a person. I know many aspiring doctors, and I would be more than happy and confident to practice with.

 

Thank you for catching the "physician's assistant". That was a typo.

And the main reason why I want to be a PA is because of the often time, more time they are able to spend with individual patients, the flexibility to work in various fields of medicine, and having a team with a doctor.

 

Since this came off so negatively and off, I will probably have to start from scratch as you suggested.

 

Thank you so much for your response!

I didn't realize it came off those ways, and now I will try to work on something that will highlight the other reasons why I want to be a PA.

I wrote this PS this way because I wanted to show something different and a closer look as to my motivations to being a PA, but like I said I guess it backfired.

Thanks!

And I wrote how I wanted to be a doctor because that was my initial goal. This is what introduced me to the healthcare field. But I wasn't aware of PA before. So when I learned of PA, I had to really think what was different and would this be better fit for me. Can't just go for 7+ years of thinking you're gonna be a doctor and easily let go of it. However, my motivations for becoming a PA have now overwhelmed that desire, so now I'm working for that. :]