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Bored........? Wanna skim my essay?

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#1 annafo



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Posted 02 August 2016 - 02:14 PM

Hi everyone. This may be a long shot but I'm just looking for some fresh eyes to look over my essay. it is 481 words....thank y'all <3


At the beginning of my sophomore year at the University of South Carolina, I registered for a class called Intro to Public Health. It seemed insignificant at the time, but I had no idea the impact it would have on my life and future career.  By this point in my college career, I had already earned my certified nursing assistant license in order to obtain patient contact hours for physician assistant school. Like every other aspiring PA, my ambition is to provide professional medical care with the ability to treat and diagnose patients on a personal level. I always knew I wanted to be a part of the medical field, but Dr. Corwin helped me to see what impact I could really have.  

 Every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday at 9:40 A.M. I was bombarded with information about the U.S. healthcare system; the people who work within it, the people who seek care from it, and, most shocking, its flaws. I learned about underserved communities and how their health suffers from poverty, stress, and a lack of access to basic healthcare for a myriad of reasons. Dr. Corwin taught me that complicated problems required complicated solutions, and so I was inspired to be one of those solutions.  

            That semester propelled my involvement with my club called Project Vida. A group of students and I drive to transitional children’s homes on Thursday and Friday afternoons to teach kids ages six to seventeen how living a healthy lifestyle can be easy and fun. It was amazing to hear each week the changes kids were excited to make in their lives because of our lessons. That summer I utilized my CNA license in a hospital setting. I learned the ins and outs of the hospital with the chance to observe doctors, nurses and physician assistants in their respective professional settings. This summer I took over the position of medical assistant at a small doctor’s office. I edited and filed charts, welcomed patients into rooms, and learned the differences between working in a hospital setting versus an office setting. These experiences prepared me to effectively work within a team and communicate with people on a personal basis.

I have shadowed physician assistants and found them to be the most hands on, involved, and engaged personnel on their healthcare team. I am suited for the physician assistant profession because I want to be that reliable person on the healthcare team who can provide efficient solutions to complicated problems, such as providing accessible healthcare to those who need it most. I am confident in my ability to translate my working and volunteer experience into my studies and future career as a physician assistant. I am also confident that my experiences will allow me to relate to my patients and be apart of the team that helps to close the gap in providing healthcare to those who need it. 

#2 DerrickMays



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Posted 30 August 2016 - 10:19 AM

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#3 P1524S



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Posted 18 May 2017 - 03:26 AM

Hi! I also loved Dr. Corwin's class lol. I think the strongest part of your essay is the last sentence of the second paragraph, where you say, "...complicated problems require complicated solutions" and then said that you would be a solution. Try to rephrase that to start your next paragraph where you talk about Project Vida, so that you can carry on that strong theme. And you might even want to mention it in your conclusion to tie the whole essay together. I think it adequately summarizes your theme, and it is also unique to you and your experiences. 

#4 NikkiO


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Posted 18 May 2017 - 04:27 AM

This was very good, in my opinion. Not "over-the-top" dramatic like a lot of the essays that I've come across. My suggestions are to keep you entire story in the past-tense and mention more about your desire to become a PA closer to the beginning than at the end.


*EDIT* I just realized that you posted this in August of last year. Hopefully, your essay is fantastic!

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