Would appreciated any criticism on my Narrative!

[tour9196]

3rd time posting, any input/advice is, again, greatly appreciated!

 

The night I questioned my career path began with a lost ambulance at the new hospital. As a security guard, I quickly redirected them to the ambulance bay and watched a bleeding, unconscious, younger male wheeled out of the ambulance. This was the first time I've seen an individual struggle for life. The concern on everyone's face amplified the tension, but the cognizant trauma surgeon, with strict attention to repairing the bleed, directed orders to each person with a calm voice. After what seemed extensive time in the trauma room, the young man did not survive. The trauma surgeon, distraught from the event, took responsibility to inform the concerned parents, doing so with professionalism and empathy. This event, being one of numerous ineffable stories, was both inspiring and horrific, influencing me to consider a career in health care.

To insure this was the right career choice, I volunteered at the hospital and obtained my EMT. The EMT certification enabled me to apply to medical jobs, and become a volunteer with the ambulance service. After 6 months and 3 interviews, I became a nursing assistant at Medical Center of the Rockies in the float pool. Being involved with patient treatments and working with professionals, I built a solid foundation on basic skills. I then became proficient at comforting and helping perturbed individuals through difficult times, while learning valuable communication skills. This job was, and still is, fulfilling and engaging with the everyday challenges and accomplishments it brings. This I know because I am happy. But on the flip side, things were also disturbing as I saw many policies and actions which were dissenting, along with the low quality life people suffer. All this struck me as a challenging problem, but helping people even in the most mundane tasks gives me satisfaction.

My sedulous pursuit opened many career opportunities. In this choice, many inspiring health care workers gave me the opportunity to observe their work. I also studied each career by attending presentations to different programs and talking to advisers, but in the end the Physician Assistant profession stood out. The PA's I worked with helped the facility run smoothly. They showed compassion, were inspiring, and they gave me an understanding of the stress, autonomy, knowledge, and skill set a PA must have. Further, having researched the career, it fit me for where I am now, and what I'm eager to do in the future. On a final point, having type 1 diabetes has also influenced my decision as I know endocrinology is a shrinking profession and patient numbers are growing. Taking my experiences from my disease I can help out struggling diabetics. Since I've made this choice, my experiences have only emboldened me to pursue this career, and feel it's time to take these experiences to do more.

Since deciding I wanted to become a PA, I've gained a Bachelors of Science in Biology as a full time student working nights. Not only has this increase my knowledge in the basic biological sciences, but also has increased my interest and understanding to read scientific journals. My GPA, which wasn't satisfactory with my first bachelors (more of a hobby), has seen a sharp increase ever since my focus has been to become a PA. I also continue to take science classes to increase my knowledge.

This will be my second year applying to PA programs, and I will continue to improve myself in preparation for the rigorous program. I continue my job in a level II trauma hospital working in multiple ICUs and regular floors, I'm taking classes to improve my GPA, and I'm volunteering to help my community, but I feel it's time to move forward. I hope to take these experiences to build upon and help people through the PA profession.

[bpulayya]

Take your PS to your school's writing center and have them help you with the flow and grammar. You have some good ideas in your PS but you also have some stuff I would omit or fix. Here are a few examples:

1. After 6 months and 3 interviews, I became a nursing assistant at Medical Center of the Rockies in the float pool.

2. But on the flip side, things were also disturbing as I saw many policies and actions which were dissenting, along with the low quality life people suffer.

 

 

Try this website for some help.

http://www.mypatraining.com/pa-essay

[bpulayya]

http://www.mypatraining.com/pa-school-essay-2

[tour9196]

Thanks! Looks like I have a lot of work to do.