Third draft, any comments are welcomed!

[Henry519]

Hello everyone. Thank you very much for taking the time to read this. This is my 3rd draft and I still feel as if it is my first so I am feeling a tad discouraged. May I please have any kind of feedback on my personal statement? Whether it flows well, if it is badly written and I need to start over from scratch, ways to reword things, if an admission committee would take time to read it, am I getting my point across on why I want to be a PA, etc. I would really appreciate anything, good or bad. Thank you again.

 

My day had begun like any normal morning in the Pediatric Cardiovascular Intensive Care Unit (CVICU). I stocked the carts, made my patient/family rounds, removed IVs, and assisted nurses with feeding tube placement and resuturing of central venous lines.. I was told that we would be receiving an admission from the Emergency Department, usually a patient with a cardiac history that has a fever. However, as I returned from taking a patient down to X-ray the unit was in complete disarray. The admission patient was swiftly being intubated and soon after chest compressions began. Tom, the Physician Assistant (PA), was leading the chest compressions and giving the nurses orders while the physician was readying all of the drugs and prepping the Automated External Defibrillator. Once the surgical team responded to the bypass page, they arrived and immediately readied the six year-old boy to be placed on bypass. The family was no stranger to heart issues with their son, but the look on their face said otherwise. After letting the surgeons take over, Tom went to the family to further explain what had happened and why they were doing what they were, answering any question he could. Their faces seemed more at ease than they had previously. During this code, Tom displayed great empathy, therapeutic communication with the family, and professionalism among the nurses and physicians. This is the profession that I wanted to dedicate my life to.

My interest in medicine began after fracturing my elbow in seventh grade, consequently requiring surgery. Playing soccer continued to increase my interest in a medical profession as I frequented many hospitals and clinics with broken bones and strained tendons. After healing from my injuries I was consistently grateful and amazed at the ability the medical professionals to get me back to where I was pre-injury. I was very familiar with PAs as my dermatologist was one as well as a family friend who I have conversed with about his profession many times. The PA profession would allow me to help people continue to live their lives as they wanted but in a very tangible way.

Invigorated with a refreshing sense of drive for what my future career holds, I continued volunteering at the hospital in my hometown, joined the Pre-Physician Assistant Association at the University of Florida, and took a Certified Nursing Assistant class outside of my college courses and received my certificate all while driving back home nearly every weekend to work my part-time job. I majored in Health Science that allowed me to get a background in health topics and to take my classes down by Shands hospital. The medical atmosphere with like-minded people wanting to make a career out of helping people continued to assure me that I was entering the right career field. I got married two weeks after graduation and immediately began my hunt for a job where I would actively be involved in health care and treatment of patients.

I got my current job in the CVICU a few weeks out of school. I quickly learned how to take vitals, do blood draws, and how my unit works. Early into my job, staffing issues required the nurses and techs to float to other units such as hemo-oncology and other acute pediatric floors. There I was able to see and experience other procedures and scenarios outside of the cardiovascular realm, like bone marrow draws and trauma victims. These experiences continued to increase my compassion for the families and knowledge about other medical issues. A PA was present on every unit I floated to, allowing me to see how their role fit into the team model of other units.

I have continued to pursue education about my future profession by shadowing other PAs, attending journal club meetings that discuss current medical research, and stepping up to help the unit in anyway that I can. I currently have around 1500 hours working with patients and I am still fulfilled every time I walk a discharged patient out. I know that I am called to be more actively involved in bettering the lives of people and I know that the PA profession is that way. Through my job and shadowing experiences I have seen the need for critical-thinking medical professionals with empathy for their patients and a real passion for what they are doing.

With the opportunity to become a PA, I plan to work with critically-ill children in either surgery or intensive care. Ideally, I would work in a family practice for at least 4 years to further develop my clinical skills. I would also pursue medical missions to help the under-served in other countries such as Axum, Ethiopia where my church is heavily involved. I would then continue my education and expand into surgery or intensive care. I feel that through my experiences in the CVICU and shadowing along with my desire to those in need through health care, becoming a physician assistant is the profession where I can make a lasting difference to the people in my community and around the world.

[Paramedic]

Tyler, I believe ANYWAY needs to be two words. Other than that great story, If you have already submitted it, would not worry about one issue. After my application was verified I found a tense error. If we dont get picked because of a minor discrepancies, Then it must not be God's will.

[Henry519]

I believe so to. Thank you very much for taking the time to read and give some comments. I haven't sent it yet, still tweeking a couple things. I'm glad to hear that my statement wasn't complete off in terms of content. Thank you again. :]

[Paramedic]

No, I really believe that a compelling story is what many schoolsare looking for. I do not think admission teams want to read the same mundane MissAmerica speech repeatedly.

[Paramedic]

Okay since I have read yours. Read the my statement and tell me if you can spot the error I am dwelling upon.

 

The moment that stands out more than any other times in my high school career are the moments I spent on the baseball diamond. One day in particular was a few days after try outs. I was playing second base and one of my closest friends, a well built redheaded boy, was playing center field and we were practicing pop-fly priority. My baseball coach would rip a high pop-fly and the team would practice communicating priority along with practicing the best routes of catching the ball. The ball was lifted high in the air between second and center, I sprinted out and my friend, attempting to impress the coaches, did the same. As I camped under the ball calling for its possession, my friend collided into my chest fracturing his radius and ulna and causing the wind to flee from my body. I fell to the ground and he stared at his arm because the pain had not reached his understanding. As time passed, his arm healed, our friendship began to grow as we became more and more inseparable. We reached our senior year and we both received baseball scholarships, mine to a community college and his to an out of state college in Nebraska; with that, we parted ways. Upon graduation, my parents insisted that I not accept my scholarship, because they preferred that I pursue my professional goals. As a child my goal had always been to help people in their time of need. My dream was to become a Paramedic Firefighter and to provide medical care for individuals in dire need. With my parents coaxing, I promptly became an EMT Firefighter and found a job in my home community. As an EMT Firefighter, I aggressively pursued my Paramedic license, all while maintaining full time employment.

It was a cold eerie December night. While college campuses across the country dismissed for Christmas break, I lied restlessly awake in the bunk room of my station, mentally reviewing the emergency calls of the day. The tones began to drop, a worried dispatcher's voice fluttered across the radio waves. "Rescue 82, EMS 72, Station 13, and Station 4 with extrication, respond to vehicle crash with entrapment and multiple patients." l jumped out of bed and sprinted to the ambulance to respond to the opportunity to help those in a time of need. As my partner and I approached the scene, I noticed a transmission block 200 yards from where the high speed vehicles collided head on. I stepped from the ambulance and I instructed my partner to assess the distant patients as we needed to perform a rapid triage of the victims. Wading through the wreckage, I approached the truck with the missing transmission. I was filled with this warm, yet unremarkably dreadful feeling that someone was peering into my very soul. A young man with red hair and a strong build gazed into my eyes and painfully smiled as he recognized me, his old high school teammate. The engine block rested on his torso causing traumatic asphyxiation. Without relief from the weight my friend drew his last shallow breath. I adjusted his airway and found that no amount of life saving measures could bring him back. My high school comrade rested lifeless on the engine block of his green S-10 pickup.

It was then that I found a great void in my present career, and my zeal for the professional calling of Physician Assistant. In my career I have shared critical yet gratifying moments with individuals that are nearing their end; moments that I am honored to be a part of. I have had the honor to provide care to friends and family members in grave devastation, while sharing timeless conversations with passionate people that have beckoned for my assistance. My experiences have molded me into an exemplary Paramedic and an enduring lifelong student. Last year I obtained Honorable Mention for Paramedic of the Year for Putnam County and made the President's list for Academic Achievement. Despite these achievements I continually have an unfulfilled longing to provide a more comprehensive patient care. I understand that the role of the first responder is vital and without my profession many patients would be left hopelessly abandoned. My friend was comforted the night of his demise, not because he felt that he could be saved, but because I was there. My desire is to make an impact on the lives of others; as a lifelong student and passionate health care worker, I will.

[bpulayya]

Tyler, If you still live in the Gainesville area, contact someone from PHHP advising and see if they can set you up with someone from the writing center to look over your PS.

[Henry519]

Paramedic, take these comments as you will since I am no personal statement expert but from your PS I don't really see why you are choosing PA or why you should be one. The story is nice and all but it does not really give me the "this guy would make a great PA" feeling. You sound like you like the firefighter/paramedic side of this as you wanted to be that when you grew up. What changed and made you think PA is your career path? Just somethings I got from your PS. I do like the story a lot though. That definitely drew me in. Maybe you can somehow combine the first two paragraphs something like This injury from high school with this guy I saw him later during this when I was a firefighter." Something along that line perhaps? Again, take this worth a grain of salt but those are my thoughts.

[Henry519]

And bp, unfortunately I am no longer in Gainesville so I cannot do that. :\ Do you have any comments about my PS from the quick read over? Anything, anything at all?