First Draft Please Critique

[Bobcats09]

I'm very bad a writing, so please provide any useful recommendations. I will take all of it. Thanks again.

 

Two days before Christmas of 2008, my cell rang at 3 o’clock in the morning. I silenced it and it continued to vibrate and buzz. Finally after the fifth ring, I answered to my sobbing sister on the other line. In shocked of what I have just heard, I jumped out of bed weeping, threw my jacket on, grabbed my keys, revved my engine and took off.

 

I arrived at St. Elizabeth Hospital’s Emergency Room (ER), dashed to the front desk and informed them I was here to identify “John Doe.” The registration clerk escorted me to the nurses’ station where I meet Jessica, a physician assistant (PA) working on the John Doe case. She glanced at me with a half smile for a split second and disappeared. The doctors, nurses, and Jessica were running in and out of the trauma room. I inched towards the trauma door and peeped in; blood was everywhere; the monitor was beeping, the doctors were screaming, the trauma room was a mess. The doctor shouted for intubation tools, Jessica and the nurses started passing supplies, the doctor intubated John Doe in less than five minutes. After what seems like hours of stressful events, John Doe was finally stabilized.

 

Dr. Smith, the ER physician and Jessica approached me covered with blood stains and asked if I could identify who John Doe was. In disbelief it was my 24 year old brother, Joe, who was barely recognizable. The tears kept on coming, Dr. Smith informed me that Joe was now stabilized and would need surgery. Jessica escorted me towards the family room where I meet Dr. Steven, a neurosurgeon and Dan, a PA who was assisting Dr. Steven with the surgery. Dr. Steven and Dan discussed the treatment plan for Joe. As we were speaking, Joe was being prepped for surgery to relieve pressure in his cranial. Dr. Steven left promptly as he was the lead surgeon performing the surgery. Dan stayed back as he could see that I had more questions and concerns. Dan educated me about the procedure Joe was undergoing; he repeatedly broke down all the details about the surgery and ensured me that they would do their best. He then excused himself to go prep for surgery and said he’ll see me after the surgery. Jessica was still by my side. She comforted me and answered my thousands of questions just as Dan did. With all the confusion, Jessica showed her sympathy for my family. She brought me up to speed from the point she took care of my brother until I identified him. I could see that even in the mist of chaos, Jessica never once showed signs that she had to leave even though I knew she did.

 

After four long hours, Dr. Steven, Dan, and a team of surgeons came to update my family that the surgery went well but there may be more to come. The team of surgeons left to discuss another treatment plan while Dan patiently updated my family up with all the details of the surgery. He was very pleasant and patient, answering the same questions over and over as some of my family members did not understand. He showed compassion and gave us hope by sharing his previous experiences with other patients. Jessica, the ER PA was so kind, she came to the intensive care unit to meet my family after her shift, she share Joe’s experience in the ER and followed up with Joe’s condition.

 

Dan and Jessica have inspired me through their hard work and dedication. Jessica continued following up with my brother even though he was no longer her patient. Dan participated in more of Joe’s surgery and was always available for questions. The kind of care these two PA have shown is well beyond what I have expected from PAs. They collaborated with physicians and other healthcare professionals in aiding a diagnosis and treatment plan and they also tried to connect with my family and me on a personal level.

 

Reflecting on Joe’s incident has opened more doors for me and gave me a desire to serve more people. I ventured out to work in a stat lab for a freestanding ER as a medical technologist where I am able to work closer to ER physicians, nurses, and the imaging staff. Due to the small staff we have, I am able to lend a hand to the nurses or physicians with patient exams or procedures and collaborate with them about the patients’ condition. Some ER physicians give me the opportunity to discuss preliminary diagnosis with them for practice. I enjoy being able to see the patient from the time they walk into a healthcare facility to the time they are discharged. I realized that my passion to care of others can be taken to a more personal level like the PAs who have stuck by Joe and my families’ side during a time of need. I am truly thankful for their strength and kindness, which motivates me to help others the same way. Being a part of a team drives me to becoming a PA, I feel like it is the perfect bridge to assist in diagnosis and treatment but also to interact with patients on a more personal level. My excitement for medicine and caring personality will compel me to becoming a great PA to any medical team.

[Bobcats09]

I'm very bad a writing, so please provide any useful recommendations. I will take all of it. Thanks again.

 

Two days before Christmas of 2008, my cell rang at 3 o’clock in the morning. I silenced it and it continued to vibrate and buzz. Finally after the fifth ring, I answered to my sobbing sister on the other line. In shocked of what I have just heard, I jumped out of bed weeping, threw my jacket on, grabbed my keys, revved my engine and took off.

 

I arrived at St. Elizabeth Hospital’s Emergency Room (ER), dashed to the front desk and informed them I was here to identify “John Doe.” The registration clerk escorted me to the nurses’ station where I meet Jessica, a physician assistant (PA) working on the John Doe case. She glanced at me with a half smile for a split second and disappeared. The doctors, nurses, and Jessica were running in and out of the trauma room. I inched towards the trauma door and peeped in; blood was everywhere; the monitor was beeping, the doctors were screaming, the trauma room was a mess. The doctor shouted for intubation tools, Jessica and the nurses started passing supplies, the doctor intubated John Doe in less than five minutes. After what seems like hours of stressful events, John Doe was finally stabilized.

 

Dr. Smith, the ER physician and Jessica approached me covered with blood stains and asked if I could identify who John Doe was. In disbelief it was my 24 year old brother, Joe, who was barely recognizable. The tears kept on coming, Dr. Smith informed me that Joe was now stabilized and would need surgery. Jessica escorted me towards the family room where I meet Dr. Steven, a neurosurgeon and Dan, a PA who was assisting Dr. Steven with the surgery. Dr. Steven and Dan discussed the treatment plan for Joe. As we were speaking, Joe was being prepped for surgery to relieve pressure in his cranial. Dr. Steven left promptly as he was the lead surgeon performing the surgery. Dan stayed back as he could see that I had more questions and concerns. Dan educated me about the procedure Joe was undergoing; he repeatedly broke down all the details about the surgery and ensured me that they would do their best. He then excused himself to go prep for surgery and said he’ll see me after the surgery. Jessica was still by my side. She comforted me and answered my thousands of questions just as Dan did. With all the confusion, Jessica showed her sympathy for my family. She brought me up to speed from the point she took care of my brother until I identified him. I could see that even in the mist of chaos, Jessica never once showed signs that she had to leave even though I knew she did.

 

After four long hours, Dr. Steven, Dan, and a team of surgeons came to update my family that the surgery went well but there may be more to come. The team of surgeons left to discuss another treatment plan while Dan patiently updated my family up with all the details of the surgery. He was very pleasant and patient, answering the same questions over and over as some of my family members did not understand. He showed compassion and gave us hope by sharing his previous experiences with other patients. Jessica, the ER PA was so kind, she came to the intensive care unit to meet my family after her shift, she share Joe’s experience in the ER and followed up with Joe’s condition.

 

Dan and Jessica have inspired me through their hard work and dedication. Jessica continued following up with my brother even though he was no longer her patient. Dan participated in more of Joe’s surgery and was always available for questions. The kind of care these two PA have shown is well beyond what I have expected from PAs. They collaborated with physicians and other healthcare professionals in aiding a diagnosis and treatment plan and they also tried to connect with my family and me on a personal level.

 

Reflecting on Joe’s incident has opened more doors for me and gave me a desire to serve more people. I ventured out to work in a stat lab for a freestanding ER as a medical technologist where I am able to work closer to ER physicians, nurses, and the imaging staff. Due to the small staff we have, I am able to lend a hand to the nurses or physicians with patient exams or procedures and collaborate with them about the patients’ condition. Some ER physicians give me the opportunity to discuss preliminary diagnosis with them for practice. I enjoy being able to see the patient from the time they walk into a healthcare facility to the time they are discharged. I realized that my passion to care of others can be taken to a more personal level like the PAs who have stuck by Joe and my families’ side during a time of need. I am truly thankful for their strength and kindness, which motivates me to help others the same way. Being a part of a team drives me to becoming a PA, I feel like it is the perfect bridge to assist in diagnosis and treatment but also to interact with patients on a more personal level. My excitement for medicine and caring personality will compel me to becoming a great PA to any medical team.

[Bobcats09]

I'm very bad a writing, so please provide any useful recommendations. I will take all of it. Thanks again.

 

Two days before Christmas of 2008, my cell rang at 3 o’clock in the morning. I silenced it and it continued to vibrate and buzz. Finally after the fifth ring, I answered to my sobbing sister on the other line. In shocked of what I have just heard, I jumped out of bed weeping, threw my jacket on, grabbed my keys, revved my engine and took off.

 

I arrived at St. Elizabeth Hospital’s Emergency Room (ER), dashed to the front desk and informed them I was here to identify “John Doe.” The registration clerk escorted me to the nurses’ station where I meet Jessica, a physician assistant (PA) working on the John Doe case. She glanced at me with a half smile for a split second and disappeared. The doctors, nurses, and Jessica were running in and out of the trauma room. I inched towards the trauma door and peeped in; blood was everywhere; the monitor was beeping, the doctors were screaming, the trauma room was a mess. The doctor shouted for intubation tools, Jessica and the nurses started passing supplies, the doctor intubated John Doe in less than five minutes. After what seems like hours of stressful events, John Doe was finally stabilized.

 

Dr. Smith, the ER physician and Jessica approached me covered with blood stains and asked if I could identify who John Doe was. In disbelief it was my 24 year old brother, Joe, who was barely recognizable. The tears kept on coming, Dr. Smith informed me that Joe was now stabilized and would need surgery. Jessica escorted me towards the family room where I meet Dr. Steven, a neurosurgeon and Dan, a PA who was assisting Dr. Steven with the surgery. Dr. Steven and Dan discussed the treatment plan for Joe. As we were speaking, Joe was being prepped for surgery to relieve pressure in his cranial. Dr. Steven left promptly as he was the lead surgeon performing the surgery. Dan stayed back as he could see that I had more questions and concerns. Dan educated me about the procedure Joe was undergoing; he repeatedly broke down all the details about the surgery and ensured me that they would do their best. He then excused himself to go prep for surgery and said he’ll see me after the surgery. Jessica was still by my side. She comforted me and answered my thousands of questions just as Dan did. With all the confusion, Jessica showed her sympathy for my family. She brought me up to speed from the point she took care of my brother until I identified him. I could see that even in the mist of chaos, Jessica never once showed signs that she had to leave even though I knew she did.

 

After four long hours, Dr. Steven, Dan, and a team of surgeons came to update my family that the surgery went well but there may be more to come. The team of surgeons left to discuss another treatment plan while Dan patiently updated my family up with all the details of the surgery. He was very pleasant and patient, answering the same questions over and over as some of my family members did not understand. He showed compassion and gave us hope by sharing his previous experiences with other patients. Jessica, the ER PA was so kind, she came to the intensive care unit to meet my family after her shift, she share Joe’s experience in the ER and followed up with Joe’s condition.

 

Dan and Jessica have inspired me through their hard work and dedication. Jessica continued following up with my brother even though he was no longer her patient. Dan participated in more of Joe’s surgery and was always available for questions. The kind of care these two PA have shown is well beyond what I have expected from PAs. They collaborated with physicians and other healthcare professionals in aiding a diagnosis and treatment plan and they also tried to connect with my family and me on a personal level.

 

Reflecting on Joe’s incident has opened more doors for me and gave me a desire to serve more people. I ventured out to work in a stat lab for a freestanding ER as a medical technologist where I am able to work closer to ER physicians, nurses, and the imaging staff. Due to the small staff we have, I am able to lend a hand to the nurses or physicians with patient exams or procedures and collaborate with them about the patients’ condition. Some ER physicians give me the opportunity to discuss preliminary diagnosis with them for practice. I enjoy being able to see the patient from the time they walk into a healthcare facility to the time they are discharged. I realized that my passion to care of others can be taken to a more personal level like the PAs who have stuck by Joe and my families’ side during a time of need. I am truly thankful for their strength and kindness, which motivates me to help others the same way. Being a part of a team drives me to becoming a PA, I feel like it is the perfect bridge to assist in diagnosis and treatment but also to interact with patients on a more personal level. My excitement for medicine and caring personality will compel me to becoming a great PA to any medical team.