First draft personal statement. Please critique! Be honest i can take it !

[Jchyat]

Hi- Thank you for taking the time to revise my personal statement, it is greatly appreciated!

My problem is that there are grammatical errors as well as it is about 35 words over the limit. So if there is anything you see that should be taken out please mention it!

 

Thank you!!

 

 

 

What makes me want to be a PA? Well, it is very simple, I want to work and surround myself with some of the smartest people in the field of medicine while contributing my own knowledge, compassion and purpose to help better the lives of others. I believe that paying it forward, spreading positivity, and good health is the ultimate key to a happy life and self fulfillment. Second, I love the versatility the job has to offer. I am the type of person who enjoys challenge, change, and can excel in different areas. For instance, I enjoy orthopedics, rheumatology, dermatology, and surgery, and if I could specialize in each of these categories I would. Not only will I strive to be the best I could be in these areas, but since I am a very competitive person, I will work my hardest in any situation that is placed before me. Third, If I were a physician assistant I would get the opportunity to play a significant role on a very important team.

For as far back as I could remember I was part of a challenging, competitive, and unbelievably successful team. I played soccer for ten years on a nationally competitive team as well as my high school team, and women's college team. Through all these experiences, I have learned that in order to have a winning team you must work together with every team member individually as well as collectively, to increase team chemistry, work ethic, and synchronicity. Being coached in such a competitive environment for so many years allowed me to learn how to excel under pressure, to keep myself and my teammates calm, focused and organized at the critical moments, and push myself to work harder and longer to constantly be at the top of my game. As I was my teams goalkeeper, the pressure and expectation was always so high, and I thrived on it. I feel as if this is very similar to a health care team, and each member must have the ability to work together to make critical decisions, be dedicated to the tasks, support each other in your common goal, and be confident in yourself and your team’s abilities.

Since I truly enjoy teamwork, caring for people, and the healthcare field, I

joined the Oneonta State Emergency Squad. At first, I started off as an attendant on the squad, assisting the EMT’s in patient care situations, taking vitals, writing out PCR’s, and supplying the EMT’s with the proper equipment. Although I found my position to be quite enjoyable, I wanted to be the one giving the actual treatment, communicating with the patient, and making the proper evaluations. I decided to become an EMT, and I excelled in my class. I ended up with the highest scores on my statewide physical assessment and exam. Now, I am a fully certified EMT, and I have dealt with a variety of medical cases from seizures to second/third degree burns to syncope patients. I believe I have learned a lot as an EMT and it has provided me with a good base knowledge, experience, and professionalism, which will help give me the start to my future for PA school and the PA profession.

 

Determination, hard work, and experience are the qualities I will utilize for my future success. I am confident that one day I will be a physician assistant, and a good one. No matter how long, or how much effort it takes, this is my dream. I plan to incorporate the biopsychosocial treatment into healthcare encompassing all three biological, social-cultural, and psychological aspects when treating patients in order to provide the most efficient care. After I become a physician’s assistant I will further my studies, and hopefully one day work for the Center for Disease Control. This is my true goal, and I know that I will make the PA school I attend, proud that I am one of their students.

[Chelsea4]

Hi! I don't know how much help I will be; however, I remember when I was writing my personal statement I took all the advice I could get my hands on. This isn't a bad rough draft, but I think that the number one thing you need to remember while writing is that schools do not want to read about your accomplishments because all of those are listed in your CASPA application. They want to know WHY you want to be a PA, not why you would be a good one. For your introduction paragraph, try remembering the exact moment you knew you wanted to be a PA and write about it. For example, your first CPR, a touching patient experience, etc. For the rest of the statement it is okay to bring up your experiences, but focus on what it was about that experience that made you want to be a PA. For example, maybe you shadowed a PA and you really enjoyed seeing patient progress, surgical procedures, and the diagnostic challenge. Use specific examples, but remember not to use patient real names, obviously. For another example, maybe you did research and you loved the biomedical aspect of things but you missed the patient contact that a career as a PA would provide. Also try to make your last paragraph a summary of your statement, highlighting the important aspects as to why this is your dream one last time. Good luck! Have as many people read this as possible before submitting...especially professors and physician assistants.

[Jchyat]

Thank you so much for your input! It is greatly appreciated! I do understand what you are saying.