reapplicant, second time applying please help

[hsmith]

Hello everyone, I am applying to 11 Florida PA schools this upcoming cycle! Any recommendations are appreciated thank you. 

Personal Statement (4570 characters): 

The time was nearing 6am and the nurse I was teamed with did our final rounds of the night before day shift came in. We found one of our patients unresponsive and unable to wake. I rushed to grab the vital machine and quickly found that her heart rate was in the thirties and her oxygen was in the fifties. The nurse quickly called for help from other nurses and ran to grab a non rebreather oxygen mask, but we were limited to what we could perform because this patient's code status was DNR. At this point, the MET team, respiratory team, doctors, physician assistants, and other nurses were in the small hospital room trying to help the patient without doing CPR. I was tasked with continuously monitoring vitals, running blood labs, and completing glucometer tests. Seeing the patient turning blue, the high stress environment, and the rush of adrenaline kicking in was something that I have never experienced during my months of working as a patient care assistant (PCA). After what seemed like an hour but was only ten minutes, the patient returned to a more vital state and awoke from life-threatening bradycardia and hypoxia. Reflecting on the teamwork and collaboration that I witnessed in this patient's small hospital room. I was grateful for all the different hands and brains in the room. Various levels of education, healthcare roles, races, and genders all came together to work toward one common goal, which was to keep this patient alive. My work experience as a PCA has taught me how to be a compassionate caregiver, nursing skills, and how to think and perform in stressful situations. 

I became invested in my path to becoming a physician assistant (PA) during my first year of college in my “Exploring Health Professions” seminar course. What drew me to the PA profession was the length of schooling, flexibility within the profession, and the ability to learn medicine in a challenging environment. Gratefully, I scored an amazing gap year job as a certified medical assistant in an OB/GYN office. I frequently work along OB/GYN PAs and have the privilege of observing the thought process behind the medical decisions and diagnosis they make. I have learned a lot about workflow on completing intake for patients, assisting with routine gynecological exams, in office procedures, and educating patients on various conditions. I always push myself to learn more about being on the provider side of medical care. I love witnessing the highly educated and competent providers communicate with patients and provide exceptional care to every patient that comes into our office. I strive to follow their path by becoming a well-respected physician assistant that is known for giving compassionate patient care. 

I also hope to bring awareness to marginalized communities within the medical field and provide healthcare in areas where it may not be readily available. I would like to use my medical knowledge and travel to different countries that do not have the advanced medical resources that the United States has. I have learned about how other countries, usually those that are underdeveloped, operate when it comes to the medical field. During my trip to Peru, I volunteered as a medical assistant in various community clinics. I witnessed long wait times, very minimal or no medical equipment, and patients who could not afford the necessary treatments. I witnessed babies and mothers with nutritional deficiencies due to lack of healthy foods available nearby. I took trips with doctors to walk elderly and pregnant patients home due to safety concerns. I hope to return to these communities with resources and volunteer my time to provide free medical care and checkups for those in need. 

During my two gap years, I have continued to gain patient care experience to immerse myself in what medicine and healthcare entails. And even though my previous science course grades meet the minimum, I have retaken science courses to strengthen my study skills and habits. I have continued to shadow PAs in primary care and OB/GYN to benefit from observing (). During my time shadowing, I have noted a lot of attractive aspects of the PA profession such as the ability to have experience in diverse types of medical specialties. I value the balance of autonomy and supervision as PAs can examine, diagnose, and treat patients but also collaborate with physicians on those tasks. I value the demand and growth of the profession and know that I have the drive to achieve my career goals. I am excited to continue my journey of becoming a physician assistant.

[thePAconsult]

I did a quick edit of your first paragraph below. You talk about great experiences you've had throughout your medical career so far but I think you could use a little more flow between your paragraphs. You jump around a bit between paragraphs. I would work on making your experiences flow into each other with the over arching theme of why they influenced you to become a PA. Also, since this is your second time applying you want to let the admission board know what you have been doing to make yourself a more appealing applicant than you were the first time you applied. (I am not sure if this is what you meant by your 2 year gap year in the last paragraph?)

If you feel like the changes I have suggested to your first paragraph have been an improvement and are interested in a full edit, I have a little consulting business that can help you with the application process for PA school such as the editing the personal statement, mock interviews, etc. You can message me on here or email me at thePAconsult@yahoo.com for more information. Good luck on your journey!

 

The time was nearing 6am and the nurse I was teamed with did our final rounds of the night before day shift came in. as the nurse and I did our final rounds before shift change. As we entered an exam room, we found one of our patients unresponsive and unable to wake. I rushed to grab the vital machine and quickly found that her heart rate was in the thirties and her oxygen was in the fifties. I checked her vitals and found that her heart rate and oxygen were dangerously low. The nurse quickly called for help from other nurses and ran to grab a non rebreather oxygen. mask, but We were limited to what we could perform because in what care we could provide since the patient’s code status was DNR, or “do not resuscitate.” At this point, the MET team, respiratory team, doctors, physician assistants, and other nurses were a medical team composed from various departments had come together working in the small hospital room trying to help stabilize the patient while honoring the wishes of the patient’s DNR. I was tasked with continuously monitoring vitals, running blood labs, and completing glucometer tests. Seeing the patient turning blue, the high stress environment, and the rush of adrenaline kicking in was something that I have never experienced during my months of working as a patient care assistant (PCA). The unique part of this story is trying to honor the patient’s DNR while still trying to provide care to stabilize her. I think this sentence can be re-worded to describe how YOU felt participating within the care team trying to stabilize this patient and how it influenced you to continue your journey towards a career in medicine and wanting to be a PA. After what seemed like an hour but was only ten minutes, the patient returned to a more vital state and awoke from life-threatening bradycardia and hypoxia. Our medical team was able to stabilize this patient because of our efficient teamwork and communication.  Reflecting on the teamwork and collaboration that I witnessed in this patient's small hospital room. I was grateful for all the different hands and brains in the room. This first sentence is not a complete sentence so either the period needs to be a comma leading into the next sentence or you need to re-work both these sentences. Various levels of education, healthcare roles, races, and genders all came together to work toward one common goal, which was to keep this patient alive. My work experience as a PCA has taught me how to be a compassionate caregiver, nursing skills, and how to think and perform in stressful situations. Again, I think you need to describe how this experience and seeing the team work together specifically influenced your decision to become a PA.