first go...TWICE as long as CASPA regulations require...HELP!

[Strawmaryblonde]

I'm having a problem. My essay is twice as long as CASPA allows. The thing is, I don't have a super hero reason for wanting to do this. All i know is it's in my blood and all i want to do. I've was never hospitalized multiple times--I'm very healthy. I didn't save a life, watch a medical miracle, or have any one person influence me.

 

I was a silly freshman with no idea what career I wanted, so my mom dragged me to the community college health careers fair since both my parents were RNs. I thought it was cool that you could do so much with just a masters so i just went for it. There's a lot of transferring schools because i couldn't figure out which route to take to get to PA school, and i feel like i have to account for it. this whole section takes up about 470 words :(

 

I come from an average middle class family in Ohio, I got all As and Bs in my health science undergrad, I volunteered in hospice and became a night shift pca in the local hospital, as well as work in a pharmacy. I don't know how to make my statement stand out. All i know is that this is ALL i want to do, I have such a passion for health care, and i'm very good at working with patients. There's a lot i want to say, but what I have is too long, and I did rather average on the verbal section of the GRE -_-

 

Help? Anyone feeling the same way? I'll post if anyone wants to read it!

[Strawmaryblonde]

Here is the recently updated version. Critiques welcome!

 

My desire to become a physician assistant goes back to a career fair in 2008. I was a freshman at Cuyahoga Community College (Tri-C) wishing I was still back in the high school I had loved so much. I was not at all interested in this next chapter of my life. Because of this lack of motivation my mother, with much persuasion, convinced me to attend the health careers fair Tri-C was offering. After bypassing all the two-year nursing, radiology, and therapist assistant boards, the Physician Assistant board caught my eye. I thought it was really “cool” that I could prescribe medication, assist in surgery, and meet with patients just as a doctor could with only a master’s degree. Not realizing just how difficult this road would be, I selected this career as the goal I would dedicate my life to for the next four years.

 

A longtime friend of mine and I took a medical terminology course together that first semester. I had never considered the medical field before so when I found myself loving the language and scoring higher than a 100% in the course I was pleasantly surprised. In order to get myself out of my fast-food job, I planned to take a medical transcription certification course the next semester, in hopes of securing a new job in a medical office. The end of that first term was terribly emotional and difficult, as my beloved grandmother succumbed to her ten-year battle of cancer at the start of my first finals week. I began to see how much work this career in medicine, as well as the road to achieve it, would take. I was growing up.

 

The next year of my life was spent trying to find the best pathway to get to this career. I transferred to the University of Akron as a Psychology major with a pre-PA track. I decided that I could go into counseling as a back-up if my goals didn’t pan out. Within three weeks I realized I made a mistake, as I spent more time perusing Cleveland State’s health science website wishing I could learn anatomy in their cadaver lab than focusing on my psychology class. My advisors couldn’t understand why I needed to take Intro to Biology and Chemistry together instead of the Psychology lab and quantitative methods. I realized then that there truly was no back-up—this program needed to be my sole focus. I followed my desire again and transferred to Cleveland State the following fall.

 

I finally felt as though I was on track. I scored As in all my health science courses and absolutely loved them. I started a fantastic new job as a technician at a local retail pharmacy. My quick memory adapted well to the multiple names and uses of medications, so I took a pharmacology class for fun. After shadowing a PA in orthopedics I began to see how the muscles I learned so well in anatomy could cause such debilitating problems in movement. It was around this time I would encounter a patient that would change my outlook on everything. Medicine became less about what I was good at, and more about a growing desire to care for others.

 

My best friend was experiencing lower back pain and severe foot drop. Her muscles in her left leg were becoming more atrophied as time went on due to neural inflammation. She underwent every test and treatment the Cleveland Clinic has to offer, and to this day still has no diagnosis. She has a degree in a career that requires the manual dexterity and stamina that two working legs provide. Her bravery and determination inspire me every day. During my final semester at Cleveland State, I took a class in neuroscience and completed a research capstone project relating the degeneration of the nervous system to antioxidant therapy. I hope to find a way to regain neural function again long after nerves fail. If we can gain more knowledge about the brain, we can give hope to those with neurodegenerative diseases.

 

I started hands-on patient care through volunteering at Holy Family Hospice. It is a terminal illness Christian nursing home run on donation, staffed with strong individuals with amazing heart for what they do. I was responsible for assisting aides with patient activities of daily living (ADLs) such as bathing, feeding, and dressing of patients who cannot do this for themselves. I changed linen on beds, took patients outside or to the chapel inside, and provided a listening ear for them if they needed one. It was here that I learned how to take vital signs. When I obtained my state tested nursing assistant license, it was here that I began to care for patients on a more independent level. Most importantly, I gained a deep love and respect for the geriatric population, as well as an appreciation for end of life care. The intimacy and vulnerability at that time deserves five-star attention and I am blessed to have been part of this experience.

 

The latest addition to my medical training is a new job at Southwest Hospital working night shift as a patient care assistant. I desperately wanted more hands-on patient care experience, and this position on a surgical floor is teaching me new things every day. Each patient has their own story, and it is a blessing to witness their perseverance through the battles: the heartbreak of a new cancer diagnosis, the first steps after a fractured hip, or the resilience of a young girl with type-I diabetes. I want to make a difference in all of their lives, whether it is prescribing their medication, being a part of a research team for new therapies, or simply holding their hands without words. There is so much that needs to be done in for others. I believe I can achieve all of this as a Physician Assistant, and I will not stop at anything to make it happen.

[Just Steve]

Here is the recently updated version. Critiques welcome!

 

My desire to become a physician assistant goes back to a career fair in 2008. I was a freshman at Cuyahoga Community College (Tri-C) wishing I was still back in the high school I had loved so much. I was not at all interested in this next chapter of my life. Because of this lack of motivation my mother, with much persuasion, convinced me to attend the health careers fair Tri-C was offering. After bypassing all the two-year nursing, radiology, and therapist assistant boards, the Physician Assistant board caught my eye. I thought it was really “cool” that I could prescribe medication, assist in surgery, and meet with patients just as a doctor could with only a master’s degree. Not realizing just how difficult this road would be, I selected this career as the goal I would dedicate my life to for the next four years. Long winded, says nothing important. It tells me you were seduced by a fancy poster board and a brochure. I'd totally strike this whole paragraph. No one wants to read that you lack motivation, long for high school days, got pushed to go to some job fair by your mom, and are simply jumping into this because you thought it would be "cool". By the way, you don't need a Masters Degree to be a PA.

 

A longtime friend of mine and I took a medical terminology course together that first semester. I had never considered the medical field before so when I found myself loving the language and scoring higher than a 100% in the course I was pleasantly surprised. In order to get myself out of my fast-food job, I planned to take a medical transcription certification course the next semester, in hopes of securing a new job in a medical office. The end of that first term was terribly emotional and difficult, as my beloved grandmother succumbed to her ten-year battle of cancer at the start of my first finals week. I began to see how much work this career in medicine, as well as the road to achieve it, would take. I was growing up. Sorry to hear about your grandmother. You mention her but say nothing how her passing affected you other than it was sad. How did your grandmother's passing help you see how much work medicine was going to be? Scoring "over 100%" on a med term course sounds like a very weak attempt at bragging. It is not impressive and eats up valuable space in your PS. Did you take that transcription course? Did you get a job in that field? If not, then why even mention it?

 

The next year of my life was spent trying to find the best pathway to get to this career. I transferred to the University of Akron as a Psychology major with a pre-PA track. I decided that I could go into counseling as a back-up if my goals didn’t pan out. Within three weeks I realized I made a mistake, as I spent more time perusing Cleveland State’s health science website wishing I could learn anatomy in their cadaver lab than focusing on my psychology class. My advisors couldn’t understand why I needed to take Intro to Biology and Chemistry together instead of the Psychology lab and quantitative methods. I realized then that there truly was no back-up—this program needed to be my sole focus. I followed my desire again and transferred to Cleveland State the following fall. So by this point you're still bouncing around, still not finding a focus, you're chasing smoke and mirrors, hoping that it'll work out. You haven't mentioned any shadowing, interviewing PAs, working around PAs, or even knowing where to find a PA. All we still know is that you read a brochure and saw a poster board at a job fair. This does not convince me that you are in the PA state of mind for the long run.

 

I finally felt as though I was on track. I scored As in all my health science courses and absolutely loved them. I started a fantastic new job as a technician at a local retail pharmacy. My quick memory adapted well to the multiple names and uses of medications, so I took a pharmacology class for fun. After shadowing a PA in orthopedics I began to see how the muscles I learned so well in anatomy could cause such debilitating problems in movement. It was around this time I would encounter a patient that would change my outlook on everything. Medicine became less about what I was good at, and more about a growing desire to care for others. Take all but the last couple of sentences and move THIS to the beginning of your PS. It's finally some meat to chew on. All the above paragraphs do nothing but paint you as a lost ship looking for a harbor. THIS paragraph starts to illustrate that you have indeed been exposed to a touch of medicine. What sort of technician were you at the pharmacy? You took a pharm class for fun...why didn't you take a pharm class to make you better at your job? Or to expand your understanding of medicine? Or to challenge your mind? Or for some reason other than grins and giggles. Taking a class for "fun" is akin to still just dabbling.. tell me you're serious. Show me that you took that class to be the best darn pharm tech you can be. Show me that you're motivated and FOCUSED!

 

My best friend was experiencing lower back pain and severe foot drop. Her muscles in her left leg were becoming more atrophied as time went on due to neural inflammation. She underwent every test and treatment the Cleveland Clinic has to offer, and to this day still has no diagnosis. She has a degree in a career that requires the manual dexterity and stamina that two working legs provide. Her bravery and determination inspire me every day. During my final semester at Cleveland State, I took a class in neuroscience and completed a research capstone project relating the degeneration of the nervous system to antioxidant therapy. I hope to find a way to regain neural function again long after nerves fail. If we can gain more knowledge about the brain, we can give hope to those with neurodegenerative diseases. Good information...you are taking course work because you are inspired to expand your mind, learn new things, and help others. This is better... your wording is still full of flowers and fluff but there are a couple of good nuggets in there. The bit about "gain more knowledge...." sounds like a pitch to support your local neuro department and less about telling the AdCom about you. The first five sentences of the paragraph are about your friend... this is YOUR PS.. we need to know about YOU! I'm sorry about your friend's condition and it's good that you found some inspiration but you are dedicating a lot of bytes to talk about her. You need to be talking about yourself.

 

I started hands-on patient care through volunteering at Holy Family Hospice. It is a terminal illness Christian nursing home run on donation, staffed with strong individuals with amazing heart for what they do. I was responsible for assisting aides with patient activities of daily living (ADLs) such as bathing, feeding, and dressing of patients who cannot do this for themselves. I changed linen on beds, took patients outside or to the chapel inside, and provided a listening ear for them if they needed one. It was here that I learned how to take vital signs. When I obtained my state tested nursing assistant license, it was here that I began to care for patients on a more independent level. Most importantly, I gained a deep love and respect for the geriatric population, as well as an appreciation for end of life care. The intimacy and vulnerability at that time deserves five-star attention and I am blessed to have been part of this experience. Again, more good information here. Working in elder care centers is hard work and builds great character. I think you are tossing in some fluff but at least you are including some good things about yourself.. good potential here.

 

The latest addition to my medical training is a new job at Southwest Hospital working night shift as a patient care assistant. I desperately wanted more hands-on patient care experience, and this position on a surgical floor is teaching me new things every day. Each patient has their own story, and it is a blessing to witness their perseverance through the battles: the heartbreak of a new cancer diagnosis, the first steps after a fractured hip, or the resilience of a young girl with type-I diabetes. I want to make a difference in all of their lives, whether it is prescribing their medication, being a part of a research team for new therapies, or simply holding their hands without words. There is so much that needs to be done in for others. I believe I can achieve all of this as a Physician Assistant, and I will not stop at anything to make it happen. Lots of fluff, it reads like you're trying to coax us out of a donation to the hospital to help those poor unfortunate souls. BUT again, more patient care. This is good..this is what sets you on par, or maybe ahead of other applicants. Cut the fluff about how miserable their lives are or how stoic they are as a patient. Tell me how this experience has shaped you to undergo the rigors of becoming a PA. Tell me WHY YOU deserve to be in a PA class. Make the AdCom person reading your PS understand that you have been working towards the goal of being a PA because of the experiences you have had.. not because you got seduced by poster boards and brochures. Yes, that job fair, and your parents, pushed you towards medicine. As a reader, I really don't care how you got into medicine. I want to know what you have done in medicine and how those things have shaped you.

 

So that was a bit rough, I know. I want to say that I see some good nuggets buried in that fluff. You can EASILY make the character allotment for the PS with some judicious editing. Just keep in mind as you edit that physician assistant isn't capitalized unless it precedes someone's name. We don't capitalize doctor, nurse, dentist...nor physician assistant.

 

Good luck to ya

[Strawmaryblonde]

i know you don't need a masters to be a PA, just undergrad. I was referencing that most PA programs have crossed over to the masters level now. Thanks for pointing that out though, maybe i wasn't clear enough.

 

Thanks for your input. I'm just having difficulty deciding what to keep and what to leave out...i feel like i need to explain for the transferring around and different routes because my transcript looks confusing because of it. Also i never got a job in transcription...i thought i took that part out in this revision, but thanks for pointing out that i didn't. I'm going to try a different approach now, see how it goes.