Personal Statements - Be Critical - Any advice welcome

[jarederick]

My pager sounded, “Trauma 1 in ED now!” As I rushed into the emergency department trauma bay, there was blood all over the floor. The patient had driven his motorcycle over a twenty-five foot ledge, and landed in a group of scrub oak trees. His body was mangled. The orthopedic surgeon and emergency department physician assistant asked me, an inexperienced Arterial Blood Gas Tech, for my help. They needed to check the circulation in his leg which had been badly injured and was only hanging on by a thread. I followed their directions by grabbing the ankle. Noticing it was cool to the touch I began to pull on his ankle firmly enough to separate the wound. This allowed them to work on the severed arteries. It soon became apparent, this man needed more than they could give him there and he was whisked off to the operating room. Later, I sadly learned the leg had been amputated below the knee.

 

This experience helped fuel my desire to further my knowledge in the medical field. I wanted to be able to assist people during their time of need. Therefore, I needed to decide a path to choose which allowed me continue to progress and be a qualified asset. In continuing my journey I came across respiratory therapy. I was accepted my junior year and thoroughly enjoyed the expanded knowledge I was gaining. The program required many hours of faithful homework and strict dedication to succeed throughout the rigorous curriculum. My clinical rotations helped me get exposure to many exceptional physician assistants. Once I completed the respiratory program I received a job offer at the University of Utah hospital and now work closely with a talented medical team. By working closely with several physician assistants I was immediately impressed by their professional demeanor, knowledge, excellent patient care, leadership, and compassion for those they care for.

 

Being a respiratory therapist has been an excellent opportunity to allow me to develop greater commitment, respect, and empathy for the patients I care for. I have gained a deeper knowledge on various challenges, not only mentally, but physically that each day brings in the medical field. I have also realized that great personal rewards are reaped from this hard work. I have gained many valuable experiences throughout my pursuit to become a physician assistant. I know that these experiences will give me an advantage when I start the Physician Assistant program. Therefore, I know that I must continue my education with more challenging and rewarding opportunities as a physician assistant. Being a respiratory therapist would not fully satisfy my curious nature in the medical field. Therefore, I continually carry a lasting burning desire to advance my education, clinical skills, critical thinking, diagnostic abilities, and the ability to work closely with patients on creating a comprehensive treatment plan.

 

Growing up I remember taking my father to the hospital often. I was young and didn’t understand why he had a tracheostomy and often needed a mechanical ventilator. He had broken his neck when I was young and sadly became a quadriplegic. This resulted in years of medical expenses and a need for constant help. After struggling for several years and dealing with many hardships he passed away in the hospital from pneumonia. I have often reflected back on this heartbreaking trial. I now use these experiences as motivation to give me the passion needed to strive to become better and be one step closer to my ultimate goal of becoming a physician assistant. After all of my research and pondering, this is the profession I want to be a part of most.

 

Once I have graduated from a physician assistant program my education will not stop there. Each day will be a new learning experience, and each patient will have their own challenges. Staying current with new medical techniques and procedures will also be essential. The need to work as a healthcare team will also always be vital to providing the best patient care possible. This can be accomplished by working closely with a physician and other trained professionals, and by knowing when to ask for a consultation with other physicians and realizing my own limitations.

 

Through setting goals to become a physician assistant I have been able to advance my education while become a valuable asset to a medical team. The journey to become a physician assistant has presented me with great challenges and opportunities to further progress my abilities and in return develop needed tools to succeed. I began as an inexperienced blood gas technician who transformed into a respiratory therapist. By utilizing my knowledge and experiences I now am able to perform unflappably in traumas and cardiac arrest. I recognize becoming a physician assistant will be the greatest challenge I will ever face. I am ready for this challenge. I welcome the difficult road that lies ahead, while also understanding the rewarding possibilities that come with becoming a physician assistant. I know that through studious preparation, hard work, and dedication anything can be achieved.

[Just Steve]

My pager sounded, “Trauma 1 in ED now!” As I rushed into the emergency department trauma bay, there was blood all over the floor. The patient had driven his motorcycle over a twenty-five foot ledge, and landed in a group of scrub oak trees. His body was mangled. The orthopedic surgeon and emergency department physician assistant asked me, an inexperienced Arterial Blood Gas Tech, for my help. They needed to check the circulation in his leg which had been badly injured and was only hanging on by a thread. I followed their directions by grabbing the ankle. Noticing it was cool to the touch I began to pull on his ankle firmly enough to separate the wound. This allowed them to work on the severed arteries. It soon became apparent, this man needed more than they could give him there and he was whisked off to the operating room. Later, I sadly learned the leg had been amputated below the knee. The reads like you're writing a script for a TV show. You could condense all of that into "the experiences I gathered while assisted in the ER helped further galvanize my desire to expand my knowledge in medicine" or something like that. All the drama of blood, beeping pagers and all that comes across as over the top. You held the leg of a trauma victim...while I am sure it was cool, that same trick can be managed with a sand bag and an ankle hitch.

 

This experience helped fuel my desire to further my knowledge in the medical field. I wanted to be able to assist people during their time of need. Therefore, I needed to decide a path to choose which allowed me continue to progress and be a qualified asset. In continuing my journey I came across respiratory therapy. I was accepted my junior year and thoroughly enjoyed the expanded knowledge I was gaining. The program required many hours of faithful homework and strict dedication to succeed throughout the rigorous curriculum. My clinical rotations helped me get exposure to many exceptional physician assistants. Once I completed the respiratory program I received a job offer at the University of Utah hospital and now work closely with a talented medical team. By working closely with several physician assistants I was immediately impressed by their professional demeanor, knowledge, excellent patient care, leadership, and compassion for those they care for. Congrats on the RT route, that is some good stuff. U of U has a good reputation in the world of medicine. You mention working on a medical team but only give accolades to the PAs. While I realize you are trying to highlight them in your PS, it dismisses the rest of the teammates. I would find something other than their demeanor, knowledge, excellent patient care, leadership, and compassion to talk about. I am sure other teammates were not dumb schmucks who did a half baked job with no soul. In other words...what made the PAs stand out? What about THEIR role caught your eye? I am sure everyone on that team did a great job, showing those same qualities you give to the PA. Show me that you understand what makes PA stand out from docs and nurses, and other para professionals.

 

Being a respiratory therapist has been an excellent opportunity to allow me to develop greater commitment, respect, and empathy for the patients I care for. I have gained a deeper knowledge on various challenges, not only mentally, but physically that each day brings in the medical field. I have also realized that great personal rewards are reaped from this hard work. I have gained many valuable experiences throughout my pursuit to become a physician assistant. I know that these experiences will give me an advantage when I start the Physician Assistant program. Therefore, I know that I must continue my education with more challenging and rewarding opportunities as a physician assistant. Being a respiratory therapist would not fully satisfy my curious nature in the medical field. Therefore, I continually carry a lasting burning desire to advance my education, clinical skills, critical thinking, diagnostic abilities, and the ability to work closely with patients on creating a comprehensive treatment plan. You say you gained many valuable experiences that will give you an advantage in PA school. 1st thought was "do you think you are better matched than say, an RN or paramedic, or Navy Corpsman for the program?" When you say you will have an advantage,what sort of advantage do you mean? Do you think the program will be easy for you and that you already have all the answers? Perhaps the point you were trying to convey is that your previous direct patient care experience will be beneficial to you during your career as a physician assistant because of xyz reasons. Because while you dedicate a whole paragraph to some guy who lost his leg, you dedicate squat to sharing what your experiences were exactly. I am sure being the articulate, intelligent person you are, you will be able to distill some more heartfelt, less "in your face" examples of say...communicating with patients or complex problem solving or something like that.

 

Growing up I remember taking my father to the hospital often. I was young and didn’t understand why he had a tracheostomy and often needed a mechanical ventilator. He had broken his neck when I was young and sadly became a quadriplegic. This resulted in years of medical expenses and a need for constant help. After struggling for several years and dealing with many hardships he passed away in the hospital from pneumonia. I have often reflected back on this heartbreaking trial. I now use these experiences as motivation to give me the passion needed to strive to become better and be one step closer to my ultimate goal of becoming a physician assistant. After all of my research and pondering, this is the profession I want to be a part of most. Sorry about your father. I am sure it was a very difficult time in your life and a compelling reason to further your education in medicine. I am just not sure this much space needs to be dedicated to that situation. Trach, vent, pneumonia, passed away = inspiration. That pretty much sums it up. Adding the parts about breaking his neck and the medical expenses plays for our heart but doesn't tell us anything about YOU.

 

Once I have graduated from a physician assistant program my education will not stop there. Each day will be a new learning experience, and each patient will have their own challenges. Staying current with new medical techniques and procedures will also be essential. The need to work as a healthcare team will also always be vital to providing the best patient care possible. This can be accomplished by working closely with a physician and other trained professionals, and by knowing when to ask for a consultation with other physicians and realizing my own limitations. It is important to be a life long learner and be a team member. You can do that as a RT, an RN, or any other million health care jobs that all work together to find a solution. Why PA? You also mention knowing when to ask for a consultation with "other physicians". This would imply you are also a physician. I think it may be prudent to re work that sentence just a tad.

 

Through setting goals to become a physician assistant I have been able to advance my education while becoming a valuable asset to a medical team. The journey to become a physician assistant has presented me with great challenges and opportunities to further progress my abilities and in return develop needed tools to succeed. I began as an inexperienced blood gas technician who transformed into a respiratory therapist. By utilizing my knowledge and experiences I now am able to perform unflappably in traumas and cardiac arrest. I recognize becoming a physician assistant will be the greatest challenge I will ever face. I am ready for this challenge. I welcome the difficult road that lies ahead, while also understanding the rewarding possibilities that come with becoming a physician assistant. I know that through studious preparation, hard work, and dedication anything can be achieved.

 

Performing during a trauma or cardiac arrest at a technician level isn't really that impressive. It may seem pretty intense in the middle of it all but the folks up in the ICU who are dealing with managing that patient after they are resuscitated are the ones who are REALLY engaging their brain, especially when all the sequela presents. Trauma and arrests are driven by protocol to a great extent. Same basic steps are carried out in 95% of the cases and once those pre orchestrated steps are found to be successful now the game of "holy cow, now what?" begins. As a paramedic, I have been through an arrest and trauma a time or two. After awhile, it's a bit rehearsed. That's one of the key reasons why good ER teams never really seem that excited about much.

 

Physician assistants for the vast majority of the time do not work in the trauma bay, or if they do, they support the docs. PAs DO a ton of direct patient contact gathering history, performing exams and assessments, engaging with patients in two way dialogue where the PA's bedside manner are being constantly evaluated and put into service. While I think the science of ventilators and respiratory management is a very strong science and extremely helpful, I think in a PS to get into PA school, it may benefit you to focus more on the "I'm a people person" sort of approach. Show that 1. You can successfully define what a PA does and do so in a manner where I can't plug in MD or RN into your statement. 2. Give examples where you worked with people who could talk back. I think even eye blinking and hand squeezing from a patient on a vent would be a better story than holding some guy's leg. The school doesn't really care about what propelled you into medicine. The fact that you are a RT and are applying to PA school shows you are already committed. No one really buys that whole "that was the one experience that hooked me for life" story. We all know it is a catalyst of several events all in their own time and place, spread over many years, from childhood into college and beyond. Off the cuff, I'd say if you wanna keep the story about your dad, drop the story about the leg holding and move your dad into the first paragraph.

 

All in all, the only things I know about you is that you're an RT, work at U of U, lost your dad and you want to be a PA. That's all you really told me. You tried to define some perks of what being a PA is about but we can interchange the PA with any number of other health care jobs. You don't really explain why PA is the best job. You write with a dramatic flair and fill in a lot of paragraphs with graphic fluff. I recommend cutting the fluff and adding some facts and experiences about you.

 

As an RT, I am willing to bet you already have a leg up on getting into PA school. The AdCom will already give you a second look because of your experience. Make sure when they take that second look, they see you as a person. Show them that they want YOU on their team, not just "another" RT. Who are YOU?

[jarederick]

Just Steve,

 

Wow, great critiques. Thank you for helping me on my paper. I have been working on changing my PS based on many of your recommendations. I am grateful for the time you took out of your day to give a stranger help.