suggestions/criticism welcome

[scottd]

I've changed and rewritten this a bunch of times. I feel that it gets my point across, but I want to know what other people think too. Also, I'm not sure if I should put some of the stuff in there that I did. There are a lot of 'I statments' too. Is that a bad thing? Thanks!

 

....................

Practicing medicine is a privilege that does not come easy. It takes a special kind of person to achieve such an accomplishment. Someone who is driven and determined to help others, and who has the education and compassion as a foundation on which to build, makes a great PA candidate. Further preparing myself for PA education and having more to offer than last year, I am a worthy candidate for PA school. With another year of healthcare experience complete, I am capable and eager to make medicine my permanent career.

 

PAs, NPs, and MDs all care for patients, but I favor the role of a PA. I look forward to a lifetime of learning, but do not wish to spend 4+ years in medical school in order to treat patients. A PA plays a vital role in the healthcare team, and the rigorous schooling captivates me. It allows for a quicker transition into the career field, and helping others, than MD. Furthermore, the appeal of clinical rotations through various specialties without regard to post-graduation career path is unmatched by NP. The versatility specific to the PA profession is an attractive feature, all while playing a key part in a team of medical professionals able to successfully treat patients. As someone who favors the medical model of schooling, I am excited about the opportunity to make an impression as a PA, both on patients and the profession.

 

The expansive role of the PA has overwhelmingly caught and held my attention since my first exposure to the profession. The ability to interact with patients in a variety of specialties is astounding. It is not difficult to see why the profession is experiencing such growth and allowing for rewarding medical careers. After shadowing a PA in the emergency department and observing patient exams and treatments, and discussing the life of a PA, my decision to become a PA has been cemented. Seeing the value patients put in spending time with a PA, I find the career an exciting challenge, where each day invaluable skills and advanced education are used to care for others. Yet, I also yearn for a well-rounded life, including time for professional and personal life. I recognize that as a PA, I will be afforded that opportunity and more.

 

From the moment I decided on a PA career, I have been determined to accomplish this goal. I have been volunteering in the Infusion Care Center at a local hospital for the past 2-and-a-half years as an aide responsible for stocking medical supplies, interacting with patients, and helping with lab draws and medication setup. Learning about different types of IV medications has intrigued me, along with witnessing the insertion of a PICC line for medication administration. It amazes me that it can stay in for such a long period of time in the appropriate patient if properly maintained. Having spent many hours in differing capacities of the hospital has allowed me to become familiar with various medical professions, including PAs, each of which has a specific role in the overall care of patients. In my time here, I have been able to network throughout the hospital to create lasting relationships.

 

With another year of CNA work complete, I feel prepared to begin my journey to becoming a PA. I have learned a lot about caring for others and assisting people in daily life. I enjoy being able to spend time with residents in assisted living and memory care facilities where I am employed. They not only rely on me to administer medications and assist with daily cares, but to listen and help them through difficult situations also. Being compassionate and caring has helped me gain and keep the trust of residents. I have also become more skilled at recognizing warning signs of potential health dangers, such as abnormal vital signs, sudden confusion, and disorganized speech, and I have been able to take appropriate measures to ensure proper treatment. This includes involving emergency medical services and being in contact with the lead nurse of the facility and the resident's family. While much of my time as a CNA is spent autonomously, I also enjoy being part of a team and feel it is extremely important to consult with my fellow employees when seeking to solve any problems that arise.

 

Being a certified personal trainer, and coaching people into healthier lifestyles has also led me to this field, and I would like to help people on a different level of healthcare as a PA. I am extremely interested in improving the lives of those around me and want to be able to do so for my entire life. Using specialized skills, advanced education, and teamwork, I will find everything I am looking for as a PA: the ability to help others, the need to challenge myself daily, and the opportunity for a lifetime of learning.

 

My experiences have gotten me to places I feel fortunate to be today. As I proceed on my way, I know it will bring the great opportunities I seek in medicine, both in the near and distant future, where I can make a positive impact as a PA.

[Just Steve]

you jump into using abbreviations without first identifying what they stand for... we all realize what you are talking about but it is considered to be more correct to identify each abbreviation once. i.e.: "...blah blah blah blah physician assistant (PA). Blah blah blah blah PA blah blah blah. Blah blah blah nurse practitioner (NP). Blah blah blah NP blah."

[lebolger]

Not personal enough

[scottd]

thanks for the advice

[lebolger]

Practicing medicine is a privilege that does not come easy. It takes a special kind of person to achieve such an accomplishment. Someone who is driven and determined to help others, and who has the education and compassion as a foundation on which to build, makes a great PA candidate. Further preparing myself for PA education and having more to offer than last year, I am a worthy candidate for PA school. With another year of healthcare experience complete, I am capable and eager to make medicine my permanent career.

 

PAs, NPs, and MDs all care for patients, but I favor the role of a PA. I look forward to a lifetime of learning, but do not wish to spend 4+ years in medical school in order to treat patients. A PA plays a vital role in the healthcare team, and the rigorous schooling captivates me. It allows for a quicker transition into the career field, and helping others, than MD. Furthermore, the appeal of clinical rotations through various specialties without regard to post-graduation career path is unmatched by NP. The versatility specific to the PA profession is an attractive feature, all while playing a key part in a team of medical professionals able to successfully treat patients. As someone who favors the medical model of schooling, I am excited about the opportunity to make an impression as a PA, both on patients and the profession.

 

The expansive role of the PA has overwhelmingly caught and held my attention since my first exposure to the profession. The ability to interact with patients in a variety of specialties is astounding. It is not difficult to see why the profession is experiencing such growth and allowing for rewarding medical careers. After shadowing a PA in the emergency department and observing patient exams and treatments, and discussing the life of a PA, my decision to become a PA has been cemented. Seeing the value patients put in spending time with a PA, I find the career an exciting challenge, where each day invaluable skills and advanced education are used to care for others. Yet, I also yearn for a well-rounded life, including time for professional and personal life. I recognize that as a PA, I will be afforded that opportunity and more.

 

They fully understand what the role of a PA is. I would start with a more personal story about YOU. Their attention should be captured immediately with a unique personal experience. Something that will make them think this person is special and I want to talk to them in person. As I read the first 3 paragraphs, I found myself skimming, because this is basically a well-written synopsis of the pa's role in healthcare and such. They want to know what makes YOU special.

[lebolger]

try adding in a specific moment you had with a patient that impacted you. I will say that i am working on my final statement right now, and I made the mistake of writing a short narrative of my experiences without revealing anything special about them. You know how to write. I find that writing about personal experiences is the most difficult thing to achieve.

[scottd]

I changed it up some. Just wondering what people think so far. Thanks.

 

With another year of CNA work complete, I feel prepared to begin my journey to becoming a PA. I have learned a lot about caring for others and assisting people in daily life. I enjoy being able to spend time with residents in assisted living and memory care facilities where I am employed. They not only rely on me to administer medications and assist with daily cares, but to listen and help them through difficult situations also.

 

I cannot imagine what it is like to lose a spouse of 63 years. After living and sharing everyday life with that special loved one for so long, how can it be possible to live any differently? Ellis, a resident where I am employed, must face this reality every day. Wanda, his wife, passed away early this spring. She was the love of his life. Upon entering their apartment one day, I found Wanda sitting on the floor next to Ellis, who was sitting in a recliner. I asked if she was alright, and thought maybe she wanted help getting up to sit on the nearby couch. She told me she just wanted to be as close as possible to her husband. It amazed me to see her unending love for him. Now though, Ellis has only memories of Wanda. Being a tough man, he rarely shows emotion. Someone to talk about joyful memories and show compassion is greatly appreciated by Ellis. I not only look after residents physically, but emotionally as well. Healing involves the whole body, and sometimes what can’t be seen needs it the most.

 

Being compassionate and caring has helped me gain and keep the trust of residents. I have also become more skilled at recognizing warning signs of potential health dangers, such as abnormal vital signs, sudden confusion, and disorganized speech, and I have been able to take appropriate measures to ensure proper treatment. This includes involving emergency medical services and being in contact with the lead nurse of the facility and the resident's family. While much of my time as a CNA is spent autonomously, I also enjoy being part of a team and feel it is extremely important to consult with my fellow employees when seeking to solve any problems that arise.

 

Practicing medicine is a privilege that does not come easy. It takes a special kind of person to achieve such an accomplishment. Further preparing myself for PA education and having more to offer than last year, I am a worthy candidate for PA school and am capable and eager to make medicine my permanent career.

 

The expansive role of the PA has overwhelmingly caught and held my attention since my first exposure to the profession. The ability to interact with patients in a variety of specialties is astounding. It is not difficult to see why the profession is experiencing such growth and allowing for rewarding medical careers. After shadowing a PA in the emergency department and observing patient exams and treatments, and discussing the life of a PA, my decision to become a PA has been cemented. It fits me and who I aim to become. Seeing the value patients put in spending time with a PA, I find the career an exciting challenge, where each day invaluable skills and advanced education are used to care for others. Yet, weighing all aspects of a profession is important. For a PA, this includes the medical and nonmedical sides of the profession. Having a valued career in which I can help others is important, but also having time for a personal life outside of a career is equally important and can aid in becoming a better PA. I recognize that as a PA, I will be afforded that opportunity and more.

 

From the moment I decided on a PA career, I have been determined to accomplish this goal. As a volunteer in the Infusion Care Center at a local hospital for the past 2-and-a-half years, I am responsible for interacting with patients, transporting labs and medications, and stocking medical supplies. Learning about different types of IV medications has intrigued me, along with witnessing the insertion of a PICC line for medication administration. It amazes me that it can stay in for such a long period of time in the appropriate patient if properly maintained. Having spent many hours in differing capacities of the hospital has allowed me to become familiar with various medical professions, including PAs, each of which has a specific role in the overall care of patients. In my time here, I have been able to network throughout the hospital to create lasting relationships.

 

My experiences have gotten me to places I feel fortunate to be today. Witnessing teamwork between respected medical professionals as a volunteer, and experiencing it as a CNA, has helped me to value how important it is to work together. MDs, PAs, and RNs each have a specific role in a patient’s care, but all are able to work together toward the successful treatment of the patient. Looking forward, I am excited about the opportunity to make an impression as a PA, both on patients and the profession.

[mikegn]

Your third draft is worlds better than the first draft; much more passionate, much more personal, and it really seems to tell me about you. I'm not an admissions counselor, but that third draft sold me...