First Draft Narrative Essay- please comment?

[LaBombera]

Sir Winston Churchill once said: “We make a living by what we get; we make a life by what we give.” The very truth of these words have often been called upon during my most challenging times. Five years ago my husband and I divorced. Scheduled to teach a community CPR class on the same day as our final divorce court appearance, and with no spirit left in me to teach the class and no substitute instructor I mustered what little energy was left to don my fire department uniform and greet the class with a smile and give them the training they had come for. A few hours later the transformation was complete. The sadness and frustration carried from the earlier proceedings had sublimated away into positive and enthusiastic energy. A positive feedback loop was created by mutual giving and receiving.

 

Such transformations have occurred many times in my life. As a part-time firefighter being on duty one never knows when the next call might come. Some nights are more difficult than others to jump out of bed at 2:00am, but adrenaline always kicks in on the way to the aid car. No matter what the time, date, weather condition, or level of weariness something happens immediately upon arriving at the patient: a surge of energy and a conviction takes over that says: “you will do everything you can to make this person’s worst nightmare better”. Of course not every call ends with a positive outcome, but each one teaches the value of life. This sense of satisfaction has no comparison, and it is what motivates me to seek a new challenge and transition into a medical career as a Physician Assistant (PA). Not simply making a living, but making a life by satisfying the great thirst for being helpful in the world of medicine.

 

Patient care has always been the most intriguing aspect of being a firefighter to me, and it is the reason the career of PA is a perfect fit. Indeed the house fires and vehicle collisions are adrenaline pumping events; as is arriving on scene to multiple trauma patients, or to a CPR in progress. But nothing is as truly challenging as the elderly woman complaining of multiple vague symptoms, or the panic attack of a schizophrenic suicidal teen, or the intoxicated man about to be arrested until his blood glucose is checked revealing a diabetic emergency. These are the calls that put my best skills to test; these are the patients that receive my call the next day; these are the events that make me feel useful in this world. As a PA these would be my patients to follow through in their care and help them successfully mange their health.

 

In addition to the part-time fire department duty, my fulltime career for the past 20 years has been working in the fisheries sciences. I began as a commercial salmon seiner on a 65’ wooden boat in Southeast Alaska, and then transitioned to a federal fisheries science observer aboard large trawling vessels in the North Pacific Ocean, and currently employed as a research biologist with NOAA. One aspect runs common among all these jobs: teamwork. All coworkers are not as agreeable as others, but everyone’s lives depend on each other when on a boat; you quickly learn ways to get along and work together to accomplish the tasks. These skills are vital in all aspects of life, especially in high stress emotional environments such as a medical facility where many people need urgent assistance. All these experiences have focused my career path to choosing Physician Assisting which would offer all these challenges and more: the unique patients, the unexpected emergencies, the teamwork environment between the doctors, nurses, and PAs all working together for the ultimate goal of health care for our communities.

[IdahoPA]

Your first two sentences are good, but the rest of the paragraph leaves a bit to be desired. You sound like you have a TON of experiences and one involving your (failed) personal life is the one you want to lead with? Eek.

 

"Patient care has always been the most intriguing aspect of being a firefighter to me, and it is the reason the career of PA is a perfect fit." This is really underdeveloped. Why PA and not MD, DO, RN, NP, etc?

 

I think your PS as a whole is doing you a disservice. I bet you're awesome, and that you've done a lot! But this isn't telling me that. I think part of the problem is that you're trying to tell a story without being arrogant, but unfortunately the end result is that I'm just not getting much about you. I think you could def rewrite this to "sell" yourself better and to more clearly explain your motivations for wanting to join the PA field.

 

Best of luck!

[LaBombera]

Thank you. Great advice. I'll give it another shot. Much appreciated.