personal statement 5th or so draft

[jenimc]

Hi guys,

If you would led me your opinions on my PS I would very much appreciate it. I've already had a few people read it but not anyone who really has a keen eye for what PA schools want.

The things I was trying to hit were all the usual things; lifelong learner, compassionate, community person, personal balance, community service, generally trying to sound competent and confident without being arrogant, and avoiding repetition but trying to make my words do double and triple duty as far as getting points across.

I also think it needs a "theme"..that most of the essential components are semi-developed but maybe a neat little story or hook would be good.

It is a little short. There are 5,000 characters available and I think I'm at about 4,000.

Thanks! :)

_________________________

 

There was never one particular experience that drew me to medicine. Instead, an interest in science led me to pursue biology, and later medicine. During my years in college, and I grew to love the warm and caring family at the University of La Verne. I became involved with the campus community and participated in the science clubs. I was very involved in Pre-SOMA, the pre-health club on campus. Pre-SOMA allowed me to explore my interest in the health care field. Although at the time I did not have a clear idea of where I belonged in the healthcare field, this club has its roots in the DO profession and its philosophy. This exposure was key in developing my current belief about healthcare: that providers should see, treat, and understand a patient as a whole person, emphasize healthy living and preventing illness, and appreciate and practice hands-on patient care.

After I graduated, I conducted research part-time in a lab at USC. Listening to the doctors working in the lab prompted me to find out what medicine was like by volunteering in USC County Hospital’s ER. In the ER, I had constant contact with the underserved of Los Angeles. As a person who grew up in Southern California, I believe the community has shaped me into the person I am, and I feel a deep and lifelong connection to the culture, people, and society in this area. This opportunity to serve my community filled me with compassion, empathy, and humility. Some of these people were homeless, impoverished and did not even know where their next meal was coming from. This experience solidified my desire to someday give back to this community as a healthcare professional.

Along with patient care experience, volunteering at County gave me the opportunity to observe medical professionals in various settings. One of my favorite places to be is the orthopedic area, which is mostly staffed by physician assistants. I am always struck by their ability to work alone if necessary, yet transition seamlessly into any situation, including into a team with nurses, other PAs, and doctors. My experience at USC solidified my desire to become a PA. I feel that working as a PA requires a combination of independence, critical thinking, teamwork, and hands-on patient care with guidance available from a physician, which creates an environment that I would thrive in.

My career goal is to be a hands-on provider, but I do have experience in research. Though it is my understanding that PAs typically do not perform research, I feel that my research was translational. Through it, I have learned how to critically evaluate evidence. Patients may not necessarily have a scrutinizing eye when they look up clinical trials or basic science research. With my background, I will be able to offer patients sound information about evidence-based medicine. Working in a lab has also taught me respect and appreciation for those who do lab work, which will help me to be a more mindful and considerate provider.

The PA field is a flexible, growing, diverse field of study. Being a diverse person myself, and coming from such a diverse background of experience and interests, I feel that PA is the field that will best allow me to explore and express my interests and talents to their fullest potential. As a PA, I will treat each of my patients as an individual. I will work hard to provide patients with the appropriate treatment and education, but most importantly I will strive to earn my patients’ respect and trust.

[IdahoPA]

It feels a lil...underdeveloped. From what you wrote, I gather you have no paid HCE. Ok, gotta work with what you have, but at least tell us what you got from your volunteering in the hospital. You say it filled you with "compassion....and solidified your desire to someday give back." There is a lot of room there (plus the other 1000 characters!) for you to expand. Specifically, why medicine as compared to say, social work helping the homeless?

 

The last line of your first paragraph is loooong. I'd delete the "and appreciate" part.

 

You repeated the phrase "solidified my desire..." Maybe another phrase will be better.

 

The almost last paragraph on your experience in research seems clunky. Your sentence, "Through it, I learned how to critically evaluate..." is good, but the next sentence just seems odd. What kind of "sound evidence" could you offer? That seems like an awkward (and extremely far-reaching) sentence. I, too, did a complete calendar year in the lab and the only thing I could tell you was specifics on one part of one organism, which would only be helpful if my patient had toxoplasmosis. You likely learned a lot in lab, but I feel you could convey the translational aspects better. Also, you mention research as something that first drew you to medicine in the second paragraph. If you're going to mention research then, then why not talk about it fully at that time? I feel your PS would flow better if you went research..,"Listening to the drs prompted me to find out what medicine was about" --> volunteering...and this was what it was about! --> shadowing aspects..."gave me the opp to observe XYZ and I concluded..." --> end paragraph.

 

How are you diverse? Nothing in your PS indicated such. Also, really, aren't we all?

[jenimc]

Thanks! That's very helpful.

How would you suggest I handle the research experience thing? I agree with you, that may be a stretch, but that was an important part of my experience. It was my first real exposure to doctors other than being a patient and it also gave me the courage to go to County and volunteer. I'm a little shy and introverted, but I don't know if that's something I want to really talk much about here...won't it make me seem like a bad candidate?

You're right about the last paragraph. Honestly, I borrowed one from a friend's PS hoping it would fly; guess not, haha.

The way you suggested I structure it was the way I wrote it originally, but I was told that the volunteering part, which is really the important part, was hidden, as the middle of the PS is kind of blah, blah. Should I mention it first, use a story or something? I just feel like that is so cliche.

Also, i don't think I adequately answered, "why PA". The reasons are: being in a career that I love and think I can excel in yet being able to spend more time with patients, flexibility of the profession, not being $200,000 in debt, not spending 4 years in school and another 4 years living in the hospital/having time for my family, significant other, future children. Are those good reasons? I know some people think that in my position I should go for MD, but for the above reasons I decided against it. Which reasons should I mention - will it look bad or misguided to say that money and debt was one reason for going with PA? Also, does it sound like I'm "settling"? I'm not, and I don't feel like I am, NP/RN/DO/MD are just not my cup of tea.

Again, thank you for your invaluable input!