Personal Statement Revision

[spatel1]

Hi, I'm writing a personal statement for the first time, and this is just my first draft, but I really need some input on how I am doing.. Any sort of feedback/comments are welcome! Thank you so much!

 

Personal Statement

The answer to “what do you want to be when you grow up?” was a very quick one for me. It was almost like a natural reflex. Since I was seven years old, I was determined to become nothing else but a dentist. It was a profession I had chosen for myself after many years of dental work I had gotten – a profession that was unceasingly encouraged by my family. Every friend and relative knew I would someday become a dentist. It was the only answer I had given for 15 years. However, it was not until my last year of college that I realized that maybe I had been giving the wrong answer to that question this entire time.

I shadowed various dentists since I was in high school. It was not something that awed me nor was it something I ever wanted to wake up for. It was simply a job that I knew I would be doing somewhere in the near future. Not long ago, a friend suggested I look into becoming a physician assistant. This was the first time I was hearing of anyone known as a “PA”, but as usual, it did not take me long to answer that absurd suggestion. I had it instilled in me that no one on this planet could ever deter me from becoming a dentist. Nonetheless, my curiosity lured me into researching more about physician assistants.

A few months ago, I started volunteering at M.D. Anderson Cancer Center. Not long after that, I became familiar with a PA there that was willing to allow me to shadow. I decided to take my chances and explore the unfamiliar field. Shadowing Mrs. Bansal is such a great experience. The physical and emotional interaction that a PA gets with their patients, as well as the ability to treat illnesses throughout out the entire body, rather than focusing on one part, is also what draws me into this profession. While shadowing and volunteering, I have spoken to various doctors and nurses about their profession, hoping to find out more about what I want. It was the life of a PA that I felt best described what I wanted out of my life – far more than a dentist ever did.

I realize that becoming a physician will also give me the opportunity of treating patients, with probably more prestige, as well as salary. However, after much thought, I know I would enjoy being a PA more than a becoming a physician. Being a PA would give me the chance to provide the same care and diagnoses to patients, while also working closely with a physician. I have the ability to practice various kinds of medicine as a PA, and I also like the thought of getting more time to settle down and spend enough time with family. Nonetheless, it takes more than just desire to accomplish an ambition.

Throughout my undergraduate years, I was nothing more than a student who had planned thoughts, but no goals. During my last year, I realized that there was so much that I should have done. I understand that simply announcing that I want to become a dentist or PA does not carve the path towards it. It takes a great deal of determination and dedication to get there. While the thought of becoming a dentist was not the greatest motivation at the time to get me to work towards it, I finally found the right answer to my question, as well as the motivation to get there. My goal is to continue an upward trend in my academics, and if given the opportunity, to use my ambition and knowledge to excel in this PA program.

[Just Steve]

Personally, I found your whole conversation about dentistry to be distracting. The way it flows in this PS it sounds like you were super set on it then flaked out at the end...it makes me wonder if you would flake out in a PA program when the next best shiny thing came along. You can take that whole PS and boil it down to "in my search of the optimal career I took the time to shadow a PA and found that it was a great match for me because...." Reading about how you wanted to be a dentist for almost three paragraphs takes away from me reading about what YOU have done in your shadowing, in your informal conversations with other medical providers, your experiences as a volunteer, your involvement in your local community. We all have childhood dreams...I was going to be an astronaut and marry that pretty redheaded girl who I went to school with from pre-K through 8th grade.(I ended up in medicine and married to a woman who I have long ago forgot what her natural hair color is...) People change, circumstances change, minds change. I understand you are trying to make the point that PA is such a powerful moving, motivating force in your life and now you are willing to turn your back on your life long dream of being a dentist. I don't buy it and neither will the AdComs. ESPECIALLY after you admit in your essay previous to mentioning a PA that the dental field didn't inspire you already, which leaves you open to chase the next thing that caught your fancy.

 

Tell the reader what you have done. Don't tell us what you used to dream of. That means nothing more than a good story to tell around the campfire.

 

What I did like was that you addressed the "what about other fields of medicine" and "why not med school" questions. Personally I'd drop that part about doctors getting more prestige and salary, but this is your PS.. we all have our own reasons.

 

Your PS is lacking mention of any health care experience...yes, I see you volunteered. Did you get to talk to actual patients or did you fill the role of a greeter just inside the front doors? Tell us what your role was via the PS.. don't leave us guessing.

[spatel1]

That helps a lot! I understand your points. Thank you so much! :)

 

Do you think I should just leave dentistry completely out of it? or keep it to a sentence or two?

[Just Steve]

leave it out. it plays no factor in my opinion

[spatel1]

Okay, thank you again!

[spatel1]

I rewrote my PS and would really like to know if it sounds any better than my first one! - I would appreciate any feedback! Thank you!!

 

I accompanied a physician assistant, Mrs. Bansal, into room 9, where a patient was patiently waiting to hear her reports on her cancer. Mrs. Bansal went over the blood and scan reports, and with the most sincere smile said, "you have no evidence of cancer." Almost instantly, the patient broke down into tears. It was hard to hold myself back from tearing up. I felt blessed to be able to share that happy moment with her. Unfortunately, after visiting the next patient, I understood that not every story has a happy ending. However, it was at that moment that I got a good grasp on what I wanted out of my life. I wanted to help people, and to share these moments with them, no matter what the circumstance.

Although science and health have always been of interest to me, I decided to major in psychology. It was something I was also fond of learning more about, but it was not until I began volunteering at M.D. Anderson Cancer Center that I knew I wanted a career in medicine. It was a career I knew that I could live out both my interest in psychology and science. Volunteering gave me a lot more than I had ever imagined it would. I learned to take complaints as an opportunity to fix something, and to be extra patient and kind with everyone. The physical and emotional interactions I had with everyone made me realize how much studying psychology had helped me to understand people and their concerns. However, it was being able to spend my time helping patients, comforting them, and caring for their little needs that I loved. It was the smile on a patient's face after I gave them a warm blanket or a cup of water that left me feeling accomplished at the end of the day. There was no doubt I knew I wanted to do more.

A physician assistant was not a profession I had ever heard of before. While speaking to a friend about our future career plans, she suggested becoming a PA. Confused at first as to what the role of a PA would be, I decided to research more about it. As far as what I had read, I got a vague idea of their roles as medical practitioners but not enough to fully understand it.

Not long after I started volunteering, I became familiar with a PA that was willing to allow me to shadow. I decided to take the opportunity and get a better feel for what a PA really is. Shadowing Mrs. Anjuly Bansal was such a great experience. It got me to understand the active role that she plays in both patient care and diagnosis. The physical and emotional interaction that she got with the patients also had me drawn to the profession. It also was not long before I realized that I woke up every morning happy to know that I would be shadowing and visiting patients that day – something my mother had always told me to look for when deciding on a career. Yet, a physician assistant is definitely not the only profession that interacts in such a way with patients. During my time of shadowing and volunteering, I spoke to various doctors and nurses about their profession, hoping to find out more about what I really wanted, but it was the life of a PA that I felt best described what I wanted out of my life.

I also got the chance to speak to the physician that Anjuly worked closely with, and I understood that becoming a physician would also give me the opportunity of treating and diagnosing patients. However, after much thought, I know I would truly enjoy living my life as a physician assistant more than becoming a physician. Being a PA would give me the chance to provide the same care and treatment to patients, while also working closely with a physician. I would have the ability practice various kinds of medicine as a PA, and I also like the thought of getting more time to spend with family and settle down with life itself. Nonetheless, it takes more than just desire to accomplish an ambition.

Throughout my undergraduate years, I was nothing more than a student with thoughts and plans, but no serious goals. During my last year I realized that there was so much that I should have done. So, I took an extra year of courses to get myself on the right path and aim towards a goal. I understand that simply announcing that I want to become a physician assistant does not carve the path towards it. It takes a great deal of determination, dedication, and rigorous studying to get there, but I believe with motivation and true ambition, anyone can get where they want to go.

My motivation is the thought of every morning in my future. Knowing that I will wake up enjoying what I will be doing is what drives me. My goal right now is to continue an upward trend in my academics, and if given the opportunity, to use my ambition and knowledge to excel in this PA program. My experiences have taught me a lot about what I want from myself. They have led me to be confident in my goals, and I am determined to keep working hard in order to get where I belong.