I am a reapplicant and would really appreciate some feedback on my narrative!!!

[sarahluby88]

Hi everyone! So I am a second time applicant this year and wrote a whole new personal statement. I wanted to include a little bit about how I have grown and what I've done to be a more competitive applicant. Last year I did get a few interviews but I think that I was too inexperienced and had no direct patient contact and only a little bit of volunteer work. I would really appreciate any feedback on my personal statement. Thank you so much :)

 

My interest in the physician assistant profession really began with an unforeseen and life threatening event involving my grandmother. What was supposed to be a routine outpatient surgery involving her rotator cuff, it turned into complications leading to rapid kidney failure and weakened heart. During the month that my grandmother spent in the hospital, I really felt the sense of compassion and security the members of her health care team truly exhibited. It allowed my grandmother to feel reassured and comfortable. The primary care givers my grandmother had were the physician assistants working with the attending cardiologists. I noticed how attentive and informative the physician assistants were. They really spent extra time with her and listened to her concerns. The encouragement my grandmother received played a great role in her recovery. The physician assistants as well as the nurses and aides became my role models and helped to inspire what I envisioned my sense of purpose in the world to be. This positive experience eventually led me to work at the same hospital unit my grandmother stayed in and become a member of the same health care team who I admired so much.

 

During this past year, after an initial disappointment in not being accepted into a physician assistant program, I reflected on my life and thought of how I could grow as an individual and become a more competitive applicant. My main focus was to better prepare myself and progress into what I believe a future physician assistant should be. Although I had volunteered in an emergency room and gained valuable knowledge shadowing the physician assistants who worked there, I really lacked the hands on patient care that is crucial in understanding what being a health care professional means. This realization led me to pursue a job as a patient care technician at a top heart hospital in Illinois. This opportunity is not only giving me a sense of satisfaction and humility but also allowing me the necessary skills needed to improve my ability to work in a team setting and keep up with the fast pace yet exciting medical world.

 

The experiences I have acquired through this patient care have further prepared me for the triumphs and self gratification that helping others can bring. One patient in particular really made an impact on my life and why healthcare is my true calling. A man was transferred to the unit a few weeks after a severe heart attack led him to collapse in his home, only remaining alive after his wife performed CPR while waiting for medical assistance. This episode led him unable to comprehend others or perform normal responses. Throughout the month of his initial recovery, I was able to see positive changes gradually occur. By the time he left, he regained walking ability and began speaking to the nurses and technicians. A few weeks later I received an email from his wife thanking myself and the other health care providers for being such an influential role in her husband’s life. His wife was so grateful for not only the great care her husband received, but for the friendship and understanding given to her throughout his stay. Although her husband did not recall his time spent at the hospital, he recognized the voices of the people who cared for him.

 

My passion for becoming a physician assistant developed further as I shadowed multiple people in the profession in the emergency room at a diverse hospital as well as my interaction with the physician assistants in the cardiology unit of the hospital where I work. Through my observation, I learned a vast amount of knowledge and obtained a glimpse of the daily responsibilities that a physician assistant has. I was able to take part in the process of patient interaction and realized how important and necessary proper communication and listening skills are. Each patient is a different individual with concerns and worries. The challenges and unexpected encounters found while working in a health care setting motivates me to continue my education and become a valuable asset in a team. The compassion and genuine connection towards patients accompanied by a vast love of learning are important qualities of a physician assistant in which I possess.

 

In times of such economic turmoil, healthcare is such a significant service that many people can not afford. As a physician assistant I can fulfill my duty in life by serving people less fortunate. The flexibility of the physician assistant profession is advantageous and one of the many reasons that I chose this vocation rather than the physician route. Being able to change between numerous specialties can benefit many more people than only specializing in one area. I thrive in a team setting and love the collaboration aspect that physician assistants have with doctors in order to provide the best care possible.

 

I am excited to continue on this journey and participate in problem solving, diagnosing, and educating in which I possess the needed drive and desire to succeed. To be a physician assistant reflects compassion to improve the lives of others by not only providing excellent medical care, but also exhibiting the ambition to educate others and continue on a path of self knowledge. Through my compassion for people and the maturity I possess for the various situations that will arise, I will thrive in the physician assistant program.

[IdahoPA]

Ok, a few things.

The second paragraph is the best one of the entire essay: you acknowledge your weakness and what you did to fix it, but in a way that doesn't dwell on negativity. Great! Maybe use "cardiac hospital" rather than "heart hospital" though. Also, "allowed" not "allowing." "Fast-paced, yet exciting...."

Your first paragraph is a bit redundant. Combined with your third paragraph, I feel that we're getting more about other people as patients than you. You seem to get a little lost in your own words. I understand you don't want to sound arrogant, but remind us that this PS is about YOU.

Your 5th paragraph seems unnecessary: an adcom knows what a PA does and the current healthcare climate.