Feedback on PS please!

[blueyxd]

Hello there everyone, following below is an initial version of my PS for this application cycle. Any feedback would be thoroughly appreciated!

 

 

 

As I lay in the hospital bed in the ER of St. Barnabas Hospital in the Bronx, I could barely hear my mother’s cries above my own as I thrashed about. Growing up I was always a healthy and active child. I ate my greens (though not always willingly) and was always the first one to race across the monkey bars in the park. So when I underwent a seizure due to a 103° fever at the age of 8, it was certainly an experience that I would never forget, even to this day. What is more unforgettable is the treatment that I received from the physician assistants and the medical staff at the time. The PA who was charged to my care was a tall Indian man with a broad smile and a shaved head. His amiable persona and soothing bedside manner effectively eased my anxiety and gave me the impression that he sincerely cared for how I felt. In hindsight, it was that PA’s demeanor that inspired me to pursue a career in healthcare as a competent caregiver; one who would be able to compassionately listen to and comfort his patients in their time of need.

 

In the years following this experience, I have taken numerous steps to expose myself to the healthcare field. At the age of 16, I began volunteering in my local ambulance youth corps. division. As a riding member, I was given a glimpse of the emergency aspect of medicine, and how mere seconds and the split-second decision making abilities of Paramedics and EMTs could affect a person’s life. Upon arriving at college, my interest in both mental behavior and clinical health spurred me to take on a double major in Psychology and Health Sciences. Learning about the fundamental workings of the human mind opened my eyes to both the social and biological aspects of human thought. In my junior year I participated in research that studied aggression in over 100 college-age couples; coding behaviors of therapists during treatment sessions. Meanwhile, studying in a hospital environment and being educated in the general disciplines of applied health sciences; specifically emergency medical technology, has exposed me to the several nuances of patient care and its clinical background. Following graduation, I began work as a medical assistant in a pain management private practice. The direct clinical exposure to a multitude of different kinds of patients has helped me to develop necessary interpersonal skills in both care and communication. Armed with this combined knowledge, I am now more capable of attaining my goals in medical care.

 

While I have learned a great deal of things from the classroom and hospital, it was my training in a karate dojo that narrowed my focus to helping children. Over the course of 8 years, I have trained and assisted in teaching karate to children at my local Martial Arts Academy. Being in a classroom setting with these youngsters and bearing witness to their ability to use their imaginations to grasp new ideas fascinated me. On the other hand, the experience has also showed me just how fragile and delicate children can be. When one student collapsed in the middle of training due to exhaustion and hypoglycemia, there was nothing I could do but watch as emergency professionals tended to the 7-year old child. This experience strengthened my resolve in pursuing a career in the medical field, with now a special interest in pediatrics.

 

I am confident that I will make good use of the academic and professional skills that I have acquired in order to become a compassionate and proficient physician’s assistant. It is a challenging field that demands utmost attention to detail and also an ability to work as part of a team. With this and my prior experiences in mind, it is apparent to me that the PA profession is well-suited for me.

[blueyxd]

Thank you for the feedback, I'll consider starting off the introduction with a different anecdote then.