Read and critique please

[robertfrench1]

As I lay in my hammock waiting to fall asleep, I reflect on the day wejust had. After months of planning andpreparation the team has finally completed our first day of clinics in villagesalong the Amazon River. We have seen children with parasites from bad drinkingwater, performed ultrasounds, given out glasses and treated other various otherillnesses and diseases. We aretravelling to the next village we will hold clinic in the morning. I askmyself, “How did I get here?” and “Where do I go from here?”

Let’s go back to the beginning of this story. I am the youngest of nine children. Since Iwas a young child I always had an interest in science. I can’t remember a timeI didn’t want to do something in biology and medicine. However at the age often my father died. Because of this Iknew I did not have the resources to go to college along with the fact that Iwas not mature enough to be successful at this point of my life. My desire to work in medicine was still verystrong and I was encouraged to look into joining the Navy in order to meet mygoals to become a Corpsman.

I began my clinical experience as a Corpsman in the labor and deliveryunit with responsibilities similar to those of a License Practical Nurse. This opportunity taught me the importance oftaking responsibility for the patients by providing safe patient care. I wanted to expand my knowledge andrequested a transfer to work on the Psychiatric Unit as a PsychiatricTech. In this position I was responsibleto assess patients to identify their needs, administered medications andprovided counseling.

Wanting to learn more and advance my skills I applied to IndependentDuty Corps School. This was what I waslooking for. I would be able to serve ina variety of settings, shipboard, at a small clinic or where I was firstassigned, Third Battalion, Eighth Marines at Camp Le Juene, NC. As it turns out this was the same battalionmy father was assigned to during the Korean War. I was able to use my skills of evaluation,interpretation of medical tests and formation of a treatment plan. Itaught sixty junior corpsmen inenhancing their skills in primary care and emergency medicine. I served theMarines as their primary care manager along with two physicians where ever theywere.

As I began to think about myfuture, I knew I wanted more but would need further my education. I was stillin the Navy, married and had two young children. It was a challenge to jugglethem all however I did obtain my BHS. (what is this, spell it out) As my twenty year mark in the Navy approachedI began looking for how and where I would continue in the medical field. While on leave in New York I learned aboutInternational Health Care teams through an organization called Word ofLife. There was a position available forsomeone to join them full time to coordinate these trips. Six weeks later I was coordinating my firsttrip travelling to the jungles of Venezuela with doctors, nurse and dentist toprovide much needed services to a population in need.

I continue in this position to this day. I am responsible for planning and coordinatorof these trips. I recruit the team, arrange for supplies of medicines, glasses,dental tools and other supplies needed for the teams. I work on the travelarrangements, visas and other documents needed to hold clinics in variouscountries. These teams travel asvolunteers to provide free health and dental care to remote villages indeveloping countries. One of my favorites is the villages along the AmazonRiver in Brazil.

I want to become a Physicians Assistant for two reasons. The first is to expand my knowledge inmedicine to enhance my role and advance my contributions to the InternationalHealth Care Teams. I also live in a ruralarea of upstate New York which faces like many other rural areas in the UnitedStates a shortage of primary care providers, therefore limiting access to heathcare services. By furthering myeducation and becoming a Physician Assistant I can contribute to solving thisproblem.

[mktalon]

You have the content for it to be great, but many sentence level issues that keep it from being so. Go to a local CC writing center and have them help you. Best of luck!

[robertfrench1]

Thanks for the input.

[robertfrench1]

Thanks. I will do that.