Personal Statement, review please?

[mstewart]

Hey guys! I was hoping to get some feedback on my personal statement. I hate writing and know I'm not very good at it, so please be honest. I appreciate all the feedback I can get!

PA Personal Statement.docx

[sxc23]

Hi, there! 

 

So good start to your PS! However, I do think it still needs quite a bit of work/revision. Here are a few suggestions: 

1. First off, catchy hooks in the first paragraph are VERY important! This will determine how interested others will be in reading the rest of your story. Maybe an impactful or insightful life experience or story? This is not to put down your story about asthma/allergies, but this is may not memorable or catchy to others.

2. I would avoid criticizing physicians in any matter. These personal statements are not meant to criticize  any professionals, whether nursing, MDs, PhDs, etc. Esp. on how some may treat patients. 

3. I also think that you don't need to include some repetitive details like where you went to undergrad or that you "completed your PA prereqs" and other things like that. The ADCOMS already know these things, so I don't think it's necessary to mention these details. 

4. You did a good job mentioning your PCE experiences. However, some parts of your PS are a bit "preachy". This is your time to talk about YOUR story and experiences! The people reading your PS already know all these things about what PAs do, relationship with MDs, etc. It's good to briefly mention what attracts you about these things to show your understanding of the profession, but it's not completely necessary to explain that PAs are supervised and that they treat patients just like doctors. I hope you get what I'm trying to say. 

Overall, you have a good start! I do think that your PS still needs quite a bit of work but I know you will get there eventually! I used myPAResource to help with my PS, and I found it to be extremely helpful. It is a bit expensive ($100-$120 each time they read it and revise it), but they at least give you in-depth analysis and suggestions. Good luck!