SFAcoustic Posted March 14, 2012 Share Posted March 14, 2012 This is my statement that I submitted last cycle. I applied very late so it didn't really get looked at! Any feedback would be appreciated thank you! --- My decision to pursue physician assistant as a career is one that I have arrived at only after attaining the maturity and clarity to know what I truly want from a career as well as from my life. What you do for a career touches every part of your life and being a healthcare provider, no matter the role, touches the lives of others. My trek towards this goal began when I fell in love with the sciences and made the decision to major in biology in college and later in graduate school. I chose to study biology because I loved gaining an understanding of the way the human body works. I admire how complex all living things are, while at the same time being elegantly simple. The process of discovery as it relates to solving problems led me to pursue biomedical research. Attaining a systematic understanding of niche areas within biology and applying it to the advancement of human health, both in drug development and in gaining an understanding of how we work at the most microscopic level, was something I enjoyed being a part of. The work I did as a research technician was the kind of work I could discuss with others and be proud of: I was directly involved in efforts to elucidate the role of certain genes which have a role in cardiovascular disease and later in developing the vaccine Prevenar at Pfizer. My role as a technician involved carrying out the experiments and performing clinical testing for the cause of improving human health. What lacked for me was exposure to the people we were helping: I began to realize over time that I wanted a more direct, primary role in healthcare. I wanted to see the patients I was helping, get to know them personally, evaluate them and participate in developing a treatment plan for their illnesses. My decision to pursue primary care became most solidified working in a physiology lab in academic research at New Jersey Medical School. My patients were not people - they were dogs, pigs and monkeys that were surgically instrumented with pressure gauges, for example, in their left ventricle for systolic pressure and catheters for the hemodynamic measurement and the delivery of anti-hypertensive drugs. As first-assistant in the surgeries to install these devices, I assisted in suturing the incisions and carried out pre and post operative care on the animals. I took vital signs and administered analgesic drugs. I also assisted investigators in performing EKGs on the animals as part of our experiment protocols. It was in this environment that my desire to obtain a more primary role in healthcare working with human patients began to solidify. I loved getting my "hands dirty" and was absolutely hooked on the team oriented aspect of medicine, and medicine itself. In order to transition from my role as a technician in the laboratory, I enrolled in an EMT course and began volunteering after I obtained my license. Taking this course was an extremely inspiring educational experience for me. It was the ideal entry into primary care. Aside from learning skills in basic life support, I also learned about things that ranged from taking patient histories to splinting broken bones. I realized I enjoyed working as an EMT more than any other work I had done before - I loved the feeling of helping people, communicating with patients and managing their injuries and illnesses. It is a wonderful thing to be able to help people in their time of need. The skills and experience I am currently obtaining as a practicing EMT not only serve as an excellent prelude to a career as a physician assistant, but have provided me with valuable perspective on the reality of medicine. I now know how to put a patient at ease, determine his or her chief complaint and administer care in the most compassionate and effective manner possible. Every day I volunteer is different, and every call I do teaches me a new lesson. It has caused me to grow in ways I didn't expect and am deeply humbled and grateful for the experiences that I am gaining. Becoming a physician assistant is the best choice for me. It combines the every day clinical duties of medicine, such as evaluating patients, developing treatment plans, ordering tests and prescribing medications, as well as doing hands-on techniques such as suturing or assisting in surgery. Not only would I have the flexibility to change specialties; I would also have more time to spend with individual patients than I likely would as a physician. Through my volunteer experience as an EMT especially, I have obtained perspective of what the field of of medicine entails, which includes problem solving, attention to detail and an ability to work effectively under pressure with genuine care and compassion. I believe my experiences in research as well as my training as an EMT have prepared me well for the challenges that being a physician assistant has to offer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SFAcoustic Posted March 14, 2012 Author Share Posted March 14, 2012 This is my statement that I submitted last cycle. I applied very late so it didn't really get looked at! Any feedback would be appreciated thank you! --- My decision to pursue physician assistant as a career is one that I have arrived at only after attaining the maturity and clarity to know what I truly want from a career as well as from my life. What you do for a career touches every part of your life and being a healthcare provider, no matter the role, touches the lives of others. My trek towards this goal began when I fell in love with the sciences and made the decision to major in biology in college and later in graduate school. I chose to study biology because I loved gaining an understanding of the way the human body works. I admire how complex all living things are, while at the same time being elegantly simple. The process of discovery as it relates to solving problems led me to pursue biomedical research. Attaining a systematic understanding of niche areas within biology and applying it to the advancement of human health, both in drug development and in gaining an understanding of how we work at the most microscopic level, was something I enjoyed being a part of. The work I did as a research technician was the kind of work I could discuss with others and be proud of: I was directly involved in efforts to elucidate the role of certain genes which have a role in cardiovascular disease and later in developing the vaccine Prevenar at Pfizer. My role as a technician involved carrying out the experiments and performing clinical testing for the cause of improving human health. What lacked for me was exposure to the people we were helping: I began to realize over time that I wanted a more direct, primary role in healthcare. I wanted to see the patients I was helping, get to know them personally, evaluate them and participate in developing a treatment plan for their illnesses. My decision to pursue primary care became most solidified working in a physiology lab in academic research at New Jersey Medical School. My patients were not people - they were dogs, pigs and monkeys that were surgically instrumented with pressure gauges, for example, in their left ventricle for systolic pressure and catheters for the hemodynamic measurement and the delivery of anti-hypertensive drugs. As first-assistant in the surgeries to install these devices, I assisted in suturing the incisions and carried out pre and post operative care on the animals. I took vital signs and administered analgesic drugs. I also assisted investigators in performing EKGs on the animals as part of our experiment protocols. It was in this environment that my desire to obtain a more primary role in healthcare working with human patients began to solidify. I loved getting my "hands dirty" and was absolutely hooked on the team oriented aspect of medicine, and medicine itself. In order to transition from my role as a technician in the laboratory, I enrolled in an EMT course and began volunteering after I obtained my license. Taking this course was an extremely inspiring educational experience for me. It was the ideal entry into primary care. Aside from learning skills in basic life support, I also learned about things that ranged from taking patient histories to splinting broken bones. I realized I enjoyed working as an EMT more than any other work I had done before - I loved the feeling of helping people, communicating with patients and managing their injuries and illnesses. It is a wonderful thing to be able to help people in their time of need. The skills and experience I am currently obtaining as a practicing EMT not only serve as an excellent prelude to a career as a physician assistant, but have provided me with valuable perspective on the reality of medicine. I now know how to put a patient at ease, determine his or her chief complaint and administer care in the most compassionate and effective manner possible. Every day I volunteer is different, and every call I do teaches me a new lesson. It has caused me to grow in ways I didn't expect and am deeply humbled and grateful for the experiences that I am gaining. Becoming a physician assistant is the best choice for me. It combines the every day clinical duties of medicine, such as evaluating patients, developing treatment plans, ordering tests and prescribing medications, as well as doing hands-on techniques such as suturing or assisting in surgery. Not only would I have the flexibility to change specialties; I would also have more time to spend with individual patients than I likely would as a physician. Through my volunteer experience as an EMT especially, I have obtained perspective of what the field of of medicine entails, which includes problem solving, attention to detail and an ability to work effectively under pressure with genuine care and compassion. I believe my experiences in research as well as my training as an EMT have prepared me well for the challenges that being a physician assistant has to offer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just Steve Posted March 14, 2012 Share Posted March 14, 2012 This is my statement that I submitted last cycle. I applied very late so it didn't really get looked at! Any feedback would be appreciated thank you! --- My decision to pursue physician assistant as a career is one that I have arrived at only after attaining the maturity and clarity to know what I truly want from a career as well as from my life. What you do for a career touches every part of your life and being a healthcare provider, no matter the role, touches the lives of others. My trek towards this goal began when I fell in love with the sciences and made the decision to major in biology in college and later in graduate school. I chose to study biology because I loved gaining an understanding of the way the human body works. I admire how complex all living things are, while at the same time being elegantly simple. The process of discovery as it relates to solving problems led me to pursue biomedical research. Attaining a systematic understanding of niche areas within biology and applying it to the advancement of human health, both in drug development and in gaining an understanding of how we work at the most microscopic level, was something I enjoyed being a part of. The work I did as a research technician was the kind of work I could discuss with others and be proud of: I was directly involved in efforts to elucidate the role of certain genes which have a role in cardiovascular disease and later in developing the vaccine Prevenar at Pfizer. My role as a technician involved carrying out the experiments and performing clinical testing for the cause of improving human health. What lacked for me was exposure to the people we were helping: I began to realize over time that I wanted a more direct, primary role in healthcare. I wanted to see the patients I was helping, get to know them personally, evaluate them and participate in developing a treatment plan for their illnesses. My decision to pursue primary care became most solidified working in a physiology lab in academic research at New Jersey Medical School. My patients were not people - they were dogs, pigs and monkeys that were surgically instrumented with pressure gauges, for example, in their left ventricle for systolic pressure and catheters for the hemodynamic measurement and the delivery of anti-hypertensive drugs. As first-assistant in the surgeries to install these devices, I assisted in suturing the incisions and carried out pre and post operative care on the animals. I took vital signs and administered analgesic drugs. I also assisted investigators in performing EKGs on the animals as part of our experiment protocols. It was in this environment that my desire to obtain a more primary role in healthcare working with human patients began to solidify. I loved getting my "hands dirty" and was absolutely hooked on the team oriented aspect of medicine, and medicine itself. In order to transition from my role as a technician in the laboratory, I enrolled in an EMT course and began volunteering after I obtained my license. Taking this course was an extremely inspiring educational experience for me. It was the ideal entry into primary care. Aside from learning skills in basic life support, I also learned about things that ranged from taking patient histories to splinting broken bones. I realized I enjoyed working as an EMT more than any other work I had done before - I loved the feeling of helping people, communicating with patients and managing their injuries and illnesses. It is a wonderful thing to be able to help people in their time of need. The skills and experience I am currently obtaining as a practicing EMT not only serve as an excellent prelude to a career as a physician assistant, but have provided me with valuable perspective on the reality of medicine. I now know how to put a patient at ease, determine his or her chief complaint and administer care in the most compassionate and effective manner possible. Every day I volunteer is different, and every call I do teaches me a new lesson. It has caused me to grow in ways I didn't expect and am deeply humbled and grateful for the experiences that I am gaining. Becoming a physician assistant is the best choice for me. It combines the every day clinical duties of medicine, such as evaluating patients, developing treatment plans, ordering tests and prescribing medications, as well as doing hands-on techniques such as suturing or assisting in surgery. Not only would I have the flexibility to change specialties; I would also have more time to spend with individual patients than I likely would as a physician. Through my volunteer experience as an EMT especially, I have obtained perspective of what the field of of medicine entails, which includes problem solving, attention to detail and an ability to work effectively under pressure with genuine care and compassion. I believe my experiences in research as well as my training as an EMT have prepared me well for the challenges that being a physician assistant has to offer. Before I dig into this statement and give feedback, I just wanted to clarify.. 1. This is the same statement you applied with last cycle? 2. Nothing has changed about you since last time you submitted? What have you done to improve yourself from your last failed attempt? If you submit th same PS, how does the reader know that you took your failure to heart and worked to improve deficiencies? You ask "what is Steve's point?" My point is you ask for help over old, no longer accurate information. What do you hope our feedback to be? "Congrats on your cut and paste job?" am I a little harsh? Yes. Why am I harsh? Because it is really super duper frustrating to see an open admission of taking short cuts. It's hard to be supportive of someone who appears to not be fully committed. So what should you do? If you are determined to submit the same PS then at least erase the part at the top of your post that says "This is my statement that I submitted last cycle. I applied very late so it didn't really get looked at! Any feedback would be appreciated thank you!" At least let us believe we're looking at a current, original work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just Steve Posted March 14, 2012 Share Posted March 14, 2012 This is my statement that I submitted last cycle. I applied very late so it didn't really get looked at! Any feedback would be appreciated thank you! --- My decision to pursue physician assistant as a career is one that I have arrived at only after attaining the maturity and clarity to know what I truly want from a career as well as from my life. What you do for a career touches every part of your life and being a healthcare provider, no matter the role, touches the lives of others. My trek towards this goal began when I fell in love with the sciences and made the decision to major in biology in college and later in graduate school. I chose to study biology because I loved gaining an understanding of the way the human body works. I admire how complex all living things are, while at the same time being elegantly simple. The process of discovery as it relates to solving problems led me to pursue biomedical research. Attaining a systematic understanding of niche areas within biology and applying it to the advancement of human health, both in drug development and in gaining an understanding of how we work at the most microscopic level, was something I enjoyed being a part of. The work I did as a research technician was the kind of work I could discuss with others and be proud of: I was directly involved in efforts to elucidate the role of certain genes which have a role in cardiovascular disease and later in developing the vaccine Prevenar at Pfizer. My role as a technician involved carrying out the experiments and performing clinical testing for the cause of improving human health. What lacked for me was exposure to the people we were helping: I began to realize over time that I wanted a more direct, primary role in healthcare. I wanted to see the patients I was helping, get to know them personally, evaluate them and participate in developing a treatment plan for their illnesses. My decision to pursue primary care became most solidified working in a physiology lab in academic research at New Jersey Medical School. My patients were not people - they were dogs, pigs and monkeys that were surgically instrumented with pressure gauges, for example, in their left ventricle for systolic pressure and catheters for the hemodynamic measurement and the delivery of anti-hypertensive drugs. As first-assistant in the surgeries to install these devices, I assisted in suturing the incisions and carried out pre and post operative care on the animals. I took vital signs and administered analgesic drugs. I also assisted investigators in performing EKGs on the animals as part of our experiment protocols. It was in this environment that my desire to obtain a more primary role in healthcare working with human patients began to solidify. I loved getting my "hands dirty" and was absolutely hooked on the team oriented aspect of medicine, and medicine itself. In order to transition from my role as a technician in the laboratory, I enrolled in an EMT course and began volunteering after I obtained my license. Taking this course was an extremely inspiring educational experience for me. It was the ideal entry into primary care. Aside from learning skills in basic life support, I also learned about things that ranged from taking patient histories to splinting broken bones. I realized I enjoyed working as an EMT more than any other work I had done before - I loved the feeling of helping people, communicating with patients and managing their injuries and illnesses. It is a wonderful thing to be able to help people in their time of need. The skills and experience I am currently obtaining as a practicing EMT not only serve as an excellent prelude to a career as a physician assistant, but have provided me with valuable perspective on the reality of medicine. I now know how to put a patient at ease, determine his or her chief complaint and administer care in the most compassionate and effective manner possible. Every day I volunteer is different, and every call I do teaches me a new lesson. It has caused me to grow in ways I didn't expect and am deeply humbled and grateful for the experiences that I am gaining. Becoming a physician assistant is the best choice for me. It combines the every day clinical duties of medicine, such as evaluating patients, developing treatment plans, ordering tests and prescribing medications, as well as doing hands-on techniques such as suturing or assisting in surgery. Not only would I have the flexibility to change specialties; I would also have more time to spend with individual patients than I likely would as a physician. Through my volunteer experience as an EMT especially, I have obtained perspective of what the field of of medicine entails, which includes problem solving, attention to detail and an ability to work effectively under pressure with genuine care and compassion. I believe my experiences in research as well as my training as an EMT have prepared me well for the challenges that being a physician assistant has to offer. Before I dig into this statement and give feedback, I just wanted to clarify.. 1. This is the same statement you applied with last cycle? 2. Nothing has changed about you since last time you submitted? What have you done to improve yourself from your last failed attempt? If you submit th same PS, how does the reader know that you took your failure to heart and worked to improve deficiencies? You ask "what is Steve's point?" My point is you ask for help over old, no longer accurate information. What do you hope our feedback to be? "Congrats on your cut and paste job?" am I a little harsh? Yes. Why am I harsh? Because it is really super duper frustrating to see an open admission of taking short cuts. It's hard to be supportive of someone who appears to not be fully committed. So what should you do? If you are determined to submit the same PS then at least erase the part at the top of your post that says "This is my statement that I submitted last cycle. I applied very late so it didn't really get looked at! Any feedback would be appreciated thank you!" At least let us believe we're looking at a current, original work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SFAcoustic Posted March 15, 2012 Author Share Posted March 15, 2012 JustSteve: Thank you for the reply. Not much has changed for me in the last year - I'm going to apply early, and to many more schools. I've upped my HCE massively and am taking the GRE. I intend on updating this statement, but I wanted to get feedback on how my statement looks in general. Again, thanks for the reply. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SFAcoustic Posted March 15, 2012 Author Share Posted March 15, 2012 JustSteve: Thank you for the reply. Not much has changed for me in the last year - I'm going to apply early, and to many more schools. I've upped my HCE massively and am taking the GRE. I intend on updating this statement, but I wanted to get feedback on how my statement looks in general. Again, thanks for the reply. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Corpsman2PA Posted March 16, 2012 Share Posted March 16, 2012 I wanted to get feedback on how my statement looks in general. Again, thanks for the reply. In general, I'd say it has a wow factor of about a 5 out of 11. Why out of 11? Because some people have a magical 1-point mixed in their style that is the icing on the cake. Some of it, however, is hard for me to believe. You say, "My decision to pursue primary care became most solidified working in a physiology lab in academic research at New Jersey Medical School." And then that is followed up in the last paragraph by, "Not only would I have the flexibility to change specialties; I would also have more time to spend with individual patients than I likely would as a physician." The latter statement contradicts the former, and the 'more time with patients' idea is completely false (at least in my experiences), and might show the Adcom that you don't know how a PA truly functions "in real life." How do you know that you want to be a PA? Have you worked with any? Is it just because you saw a cool article that said the profession is expected to grow by x% in the next 10 years? I'm not completely sold that you know why you want to be a PA (not nurse, or md, etc.), aside from not liking the lab stuff, and having some good times as an emt. It seems like you're a really down to earth, nice person, which is good. Thats something the Adcoms will see as well. As far as structure/grammar...its pretty good, but a little wordy. You might be able to trim off a few words here or there to see if it helps sentence flow (example: I feel like you say "Career" too much in the first 2 sentences), and the first sentence is a little long IMO. Read it aloud and see if you get stuck at any spots throughout your writing. Like Steve said, you might want to express what you did in the off-season to up your application, aside from the "oh I didn't get accepted because I applied too late." I'd hope you don't do a copy/paste job either. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Corpsman2PA Posted March 16, 2012 Share Posted March 16, 2012 I wanted to get feedback on how my statement looks in general. Again, thanks for the reply. In general, I'd say it has a wow factor of about a 5 out of 11. Why out of 11? Because some people have a magical 1-point mixed in their style that is the icing on the cake. Some of it, however, is hard for me to believe. You say, "My decision to pursue primary care became most solidified working in a physiology lab in academic research at New Jersey Medical School." And then that is followed up in the last paragraph by, "Not only would I have the flexibility to change specialties; I would also have more time to spend with individual patients than I likely would as a physician." The latter statement contradicts the former, and the 'more time with patients' idea is completely false (at least in my experiences), and might show the Adcom that you don't know how a PA truly functions "in real life." How do you know that you want to be a PA? Have you worked with any? Is it just because you saw a cool article that said the profession is expected to grow by x% in the next 10 years? I'm not completely sold that you know why you want to be a PA (not nurse, or md, etc.), aside from not liking the lab stuff, and having some good times as an emt. It seems like you're a really down to earth, nice person, which is good. Thats something the Adcoms will see as well. As far as structure/grammar...its pretty good, but a little wordy. You might be able to trim off a few words here or there to see if it helps sentence flow (example: I feel like you say "Career" too much in the first 2 sentences), and the first sentence is a little long IMO. Read it aloud and see if you get stuck at any spots throughout your writing. Like Steve said, you might want to express what you did in the off-season to up your application, aside from the "oh I didn't get accepted because I applied too late." I'd hope you don't do a copy/paste job either. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SFAcoustic Posted March 17, 2012 Author Share Posted March 17, 2012 Corpsman2PA: Thank you for the reply! I appreciate what you're saying. As far as the wow factor goes, could you be a bit more specific? Is it the content itself that isn't wowing you (meaning what I've done seems mundane), or the way it is presented? Am I not giving enough details? Perhaps I need to tie in "why PA" better. I thought the last paragraph did that, but I think it does need work. I can see why the reasoning may seem to fall short. Basically, I am a career changer, so I wanted to a) talk about my past accomplishments, what I've done in the work world b) talk about my desire to go into medicine and how I've attempted to transition to medicine and c) explain my rationale for choosing PA. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SFAcoustic Posted March 17, 2012 Author Share Posted March 17, 2012 Corpsman2PA: Thank you for the reply! I appreciate what you're saying. As far as the wow factor goes, could you be a bit more specific? Is it the content itself that isn't wowing you (meaning what I've done seems mundane), or the way it is presented? Am I not giving enough details? Perhaps I need to tie in "why PA" better. I thought the last paragraph did that, but I think it does need work. I can see why the reasoning may seem to fall short. Basically, I am a career changer, so I wanted to a) talk about my past accomplishments, what I've done in the work world b) talk about my desire to go into medicine and how I've attempted to transition to medicine and c) explain my rationale for choosing PA. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Corpsman2PA Posted March 17, 2012 Share Posted March 17, 2012 Corpsman2PA: Thank you for the reply! I appreciate what you're saying. As far as the wow factor goes, could you be a bit more specific? Is it the content itself that isn't wowing you (meaning what I've done seems mundane), or the way it is presented? Am I not giving enough details? Perhaps I need to tie in "why PA" better. I thought the last paragraph did that, but I think it does need work. I can see why the reasoning may seem to fall short. Basically, I am a career changer, so I wanted to a) talk about my past accomplishments, what I've done in the work world b) talk about my desire to go into medicine and how I've attempted to transition to medicine and c) explain my rationale for choosing PA. I would say your wow factor falls short in presentation of your content. I've read some pretty awesome PS from people with a lot less experience than you that made me think they were ready and understood what the PA profession was all about. So its a mix of content, and a mix of how you present the content. I think you do need to tie in "why PA better." I can take your last paragraph, substitute physician assistant with NP, MD, DO, Corpsman, Medic, etc. and still say pretty much the same thing. In keeping with the times of college basketball, think of it like a #15 seed about to upset a #2 seed...everybody's pulling for the upset, and at the end of the game you want to deliver. If the #2 seed wins, its kind of like...eh...yeah that was expected. You want the reader to feel like you're the #15 seed, and they're so intrigued by your writing that they want that knockout punch at the end, and they want to feel part of your victory when you deliver it. Victory = invite to interview. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Corpsman2PA Posted March 17, 2012 Share Posted March 17, 2012 Corpsman2PA: Thank you for the reply! I appreciate what you're saying. As far as the wow factor goes, could you be a bit more specific? Is it the content itself that isn't wowing you (meaning what I've done seems mundane), or the way it is presented? Am I not giving enough details? Perhaps I need to tie in "why PA" better. I thought the last paragraph did that, but I think it does need work. I can see why the reasoning may seem to fall short. Basically, I am a career changer, so I wanted to a) talk about my past accomplishments, what I've done in the work world b) talk about my desire to go into medicine and how I've attempted to transition to medicine and c) explain my rationale for choosing PA. I would say your wow factor falls short in presentation of your content. I've read some pretty awesome PS from people with a lot less experience than you that made me think they were ready and understood what the PA profession was all about. So its a mix of content, and a mix of how you present the content. I think you do need to tie in "why PA better." I can take your last paragraph, substitute physician assistant with NP, MD, DO, Corpsman, Medic, etc. and still say pretty much the same thing. In keeping with the times of college basketball, think of it like a #15 seed about to upset a #2 seed...everybody's pulling for the upset, and at the end of the game you want to deliver. If the #2 seed wins, its kind of like...eh...yeah that was expected. You want the reader to feel like you're the #15 seed, and they're so intrigued by your writing that they want that knockout punch at the end, and they want to feel part of your victory when you deliver it. Victory = invite to interview. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.