personal statement options

[harden4mvp]

hi guys - first time applicant and I've written 2 different essays. any opinions on which is more personal? or advice/tips in general? much appreciated! (and if you notice, the two of them have some overlapping material)

 

EDIT 1: Thank you AlixA180, I've rewritten it to explain a little more in depth as to why I chose PA. I don't know if the first anecdote fits or makes sense in the scope of my essay. 

 

Rewriting

[AlixA180]

I think both essays are pretty good (watch out for typos and a few grammatical errors) but you fall short about WHY you want to be a PA rather than a physician. Both essays you talk about the impact of your time with your surgeon and gastroenterologist, both of which are physicians, not PA's, so be more specific. In my essay, I talked briefly about my time shadowing a PA and how she was able to spend more time with her patients than the physician and how that positively impacted her relationships and outcomes with patients.  Also, if you worked as a medical assistant, I think you would have a stronger opening story if you talk about an interaction where you truly connected with a patient and how that has influenced your desire to go into healthcare. While your second experience is impactful, it was so long ago that I think a more recent emotional account of an experience you've had would go much farther. The first experience doesn't detail enough about how you interacted with the patient, which is more profound than how you felt during the procedure. Expanding on how you comforted the patient and connected with her would better show why you like working in the medical field, and that you are compassionate.