CCRAV00G Posted December 29, 2011 Share Posted December 29, 2011 I am sorry, but denied, echoes around the court room. A young boy and his siblings have been taken away from their biological father for child endangerment. As the years pass this child circulating in and out of foster care, finally meets the family his heart and dreams eluded him for so long. Eight years old, a child unaware of the world and situations around him, a loving foster family changed the meaning of love. This child that I speak of is myself, I spent 14 years in foster care, many of which separated from my siblings, until the greatest day of my life, adoption day. As a child, hardship was common, but with encouragement from my parents I had a strong desire to prevail. It’s often said that life’s difficulties will make one mature faster than most other experiences and I have to admit it was true for me. Growing up with significant adversity, furthering my education into college had grim hope, my father dropped out of school in the eighth grade, barely knowing how to read and write, school growing up was sometimes difficult. Families who take in foster children do it out of love and sometimes an extra mouth to feed contributes to financially strenuous times. With graduation approaching nervousness settling in, I would be the first in my family to graduate high school and attend college. On graduation day my parents give me news of an early gift, they located my two sisters, who were separated from me after the court hearing and would be arriving today to watch me walk across the stage. Living in a small rural community, less than 300 populace, news spreads like the seasonal flu. There was a horrific accident someone was shot and medifight would be arriving shortly. Watching this large helicopter slowly descend, tires touch down, doors flair open several medical personal jumps out moving in a choreographed tandem within minutes the patient secured and loaded, the helicopter lifted off headed towards the hospital. Being unfamiliar with the medical field I was intrigued. Researching medifight personal I came across flight nursing, so I enrolled as a nursing major. Wanting experience in the medical field I received my certified nursing aide license allowing me to work at a state facility taking care of development disability adults. Working with adults with developmental lapse allowed me to grow as an individual with patience and compassion. Leaving the state facility and moving to the city, was heartbreaking, but I received a job at the level 1 trauma center that would ultimately change everything. Starting out on the medical surgical floor gave me a profound understanding of internal medicine and physiology of the human body. I decided to transfer into a flex-pool position allowing me to transfer to all areas of the hospital. Then one day the trauma floor physician assistant asked for assists, I volunteered helping replace a failing wound vac, while prepping the patient for surgery for debridement of the wound. The patient terrified having to return to the operating room, Rance the PA patiently sat next to the patient explained every step to reassure the comfort of the patient. Unaware of the physician assistant profession, I asked many questions, followed by countless hours researching online; I now know becoming a physician assistant is my true desire. Currently as a CNA at a level 1 trauma center, I encountered a variety of cases over the five years, I feel great satisfaction, in contributing towards patients’ recovery. There is no greater satisfaction is watching a patient leave the hospital defeating the odds, may it be from broken bones to your more complex cases traumatic brain injuries. Becoming a physician assistant, developing high level technical proficiency skills in health care is compelling. Surviving through adversity at a young age a quote always sticks in my head “Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.”(Ralph w. Emerson) I believe that a physician assistant plays a similar role in the health care system, as a valuable resource to both the patients and physicians. Becoming a physician assistant allows me the opportunity to make meaningful contributions to the patients’ health care, while allowing personal contact that is rewarding to me. **From my readings, it says your essay needs to standout,but I dont want them to read my essay and throw it away from the first two paragraphs thinking im a crying baby pouring out my feelings. Just trying to get across perseverance through tough times and how it shaped me.(even though I didnt explain in detail) ** and the quote I love the quote but I dont know if it fits in the ending to my conclusion just needing some feedback. thanks to all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CCRAV00G Posted December 30, 2011 Author Share Posted December 30, 2011 Sorry I don't know its not spacing each paragraph. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chiaroscuro27 Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 It reads more like a movie script than a personal statement. One thing that makes it very difficult to read and comprehend is the change in tense (see paragraph 3 for an example). Many of the major questions that should be addressed are not addressed here...at all. Grammatical errors are many; I see more comma splices than I can count. Keep working at it. Speak from the heart, speak sincerely and honestly, and give the ADCOM the information they need to grant you an interview. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mktalon Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 This is very difficult to read for all the above mentioned reasons. You certainly have a story that is worth telling, but you would never tell it like that in conversation. Your PS should not necessarily read like an informal conversation, but it also should not read like a movie script or dissertation. Try toning down the drama a little, fix your grammar and tense issues, and keep writing it over and over to hone in on answering the question. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CCRAV00G Posted December 30, 2011 Author Share Posted December 30, 2011 Thanks everyone. After writing the PS I didn’t know if the first 2 paragraph needed to be there. Ill probably scratch those 2 just limit it down to few sentences somewhere in the PS and just start at paragraph 3 and go from there. Being the break before spring semester I just had my own(myself after long day of work) proof reading, but I will have the writing lab critique it more in the spring. I just wanted an early start on this PS starting my senior year. From the books I have read, they say standout..standout..standout but i had a feeling this was the wrong way to standout. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chiaroscuro27 Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 It's great that you've started this process early as I feel many applicants think they can crank out a great statement at the last minute. Keep working on it; you will find a way to communicate your goals in a way that stands out! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mktalon Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 I think you need to leave at least some of the first two paragraphs in there. While being in foster care does not define you, it does bring a much different context to your experiences than almost anybody else that is applying. I would keep it, but tone down the dramatic approach, give it more straightforward, and make connections between your past and how it affects what you do and how you do things. Your story will do the standing out for you if you just write it naturally and write it well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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