Any feedback is much appreciated!!

[Jlbrock2]

It's that time of the year when we are all starting to gather our things in order to apply for the next round of PA school seats! Very exciting! I wrote this statement and am, overall, pretty happy with it. However, I feel like it needs a little something for it to really stand out! I appreciate any and all input on how or what I can do to improve it!

Thank you all in advance!

 

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Growing up, I never realized how precious life was, nor how quickly the threat of losing it could develop. That all changed one afternoon when my mother revealed that my father had been admitted to the hospital, that morning, after collapsing in the living room. His primary care physician has suspected his symptoms to be the result of the influenza virus, but months had passed without improvement. His new diagnosis: leukemia. The physicians at the hospital informed us that his prognosis was poor but he insisted on starting treatment, without hesitation.
            My mother and I spent the majority of the next six months at his bedside as he struggled through the bad days and managed through the better ones. His physician assistant, Jane, worked to make the pain associated with the chemotherapy more tolerable and provided him with encouragement during his more helpless times. I took a particular liking to her early on, not only for how intently she cared for my father but, also, for her commitment to making sure my mother and I felt comfortable with his course of treatment. She was a considerate provider whose compassion and dedication to my father’s successful recovery inspired me to pursue a career in healthcare as a physician assistant (PA).
            Soon after my father’s championing achievement of remission, I began my journey into healthcare by working in the front office at an endocrinology practice. It was here that I met Dr Doe, who showed me the importance of preventative care and a whole body approach to medicine. I would observe her during in-office procedures and office visits and she would emphasize to her patients the importance of exercise and eating well balanced meals. She even suggested they treat themselves to lunch or an ice cream as a reward for making it through a painful thyroid fine-needle aspiration. It was not until I witnessed the genuine interest in the well-being of her patient, both emotionally and physically, that I truly understood that medicine was more than a simple diagnosis and cure. Medicine is about whole person healthcare.
            I’ve come to find out that no aspect of medicine is simple; patients are not simple and healthcare, as a whole, is a complex community of professionals working together to benefit and support the patient. After having worked on the administrative side of healthcare, I longed to make more personal connections with patients, as a part of the medical team. My job as a medical assistant has provided me with just that. It was not long before I began forming bonds with my patients much like Jane had done with my father and our family. They began trusting and confiding in me in a way I had not yet experienced and I found myself asking them not only, “how are you feeling today” but, “how is your wife’s treatment going”. Monitoring the success of our patients continues to drive me to pursue medicine and I know that the connection and mutual goal, for them to achieve their best mental and physical health, are something I will always share with them.
            Not only have my previous experiences in health care prepared me to be a PA, but working alongside one allows me to examine the profession as a whole. John, the PA who acts as my mentor and supervisor, displays the strength and professionalism needed to be an exceptional PA. Also, he demonstrates the versatility of the profession with the confidence to practice on his own and the reservation to ask for guidance when necessary. He is sensitive to each patient’s unique circumstances and treats everyone with respect. To me, he exemplifies what it is to be a PA and I am inspired every day to dedicate myself to patient-centered healthcare, as he does.
            Everyone deserves to live their life to the fullest extent that they can. As a PA, I wish to help my patients achieve their highest quality of life and, if possible, help them to overcome health obstacles like my father was able to do. As a certified PA, I have a particular interest in serving our Nation’s veterans. With my previous experiences in patient care and healthcare, I believe I am prepared to face the challenge of successfully completing the PA program but, also, am prepared for the joy of reaching my goal of becoming a Physician Assistant.