Please critique..NEED to submit TONIGHT! Thx!

[valerialynch]

I want to submit my application tonight, so if anyone could further critique, I would greatly appreciate it!

 

Questions:

-What does "first generation college student" mean to you? To me (and FAFSA), it means that my parents did not go to college. Or could it be misinterpreted as my parents came from other countries (someone I know took it this way)

-Should I mention the divorce affected my grades? From what I've researched, I saw that I should mention it in the personal statement and I can further explain in the interview. I feel that if I say "personal issues," anyone can use that as an "excuse"

 

I remember being in class, and hearing the blaring sirens of fire trucks driving by to a call that would forever change the lives of millions. When I looked out my bedroom window from the Bronx and saw the cloud of debris that was once the World Trade Center, with a stark and sudden rush I was able to appreciate the full value of life. Living through this infamous tragedy and all the associated suffering made me realize the delicacy of life, the true value of good health, and ultimately my calling to the medical field.

Since neither of my parents had attended college, I was a proud and motivated first generation college student with a concentration in the sciences when I enrolled at ... . While I was coping with my parents' divorce, my grades suffered. I tried to set my scholastic endeavors as the top priority once again by envisioning myself as a professional with the power to directly impact the lives of patients similar to a physician or nurse. However, I felt that neither role would be the best fit for me. My cousin, a cancer care supervisor at Winthrop University Hospital in New York, advised me of alternative healthcare careers. The physician assistant role stood out as the best. PAs can offer not only emotional support to the patients and family, longer consultation appointments, but also interpretation of tests, diagnosis, and treatment.

In exploring this career, I shadowed physician assistants at urgent care clinics and hospitals. I was impressed with all the decision-making delegated to the PAs by the supervising physicians, particularly in diagnosing patients. However, the PA can consult with the supervising physician and form a team that ensures proper treatment of their patients, especially the ones with the more complicated cases. All of the PAs that I have worked with have expressed their satisfaction regarding the profession, especially the unique ability to practice in different branches of medicine. My passion to become a PA continues to grow every time I observe how gracious patients are after being treated by a PA because of the high quality of care.

With the inspiration to serve my community and further develop my professional skills, I became an active member in several student organizations that had a medical focus. Although I was participating in many events that helped to make a difference to the community, I wanted to create a new health event that could become a tradition at ... . I proposed a walk for cystic fibrosis to my advisor of the Biological Honor Society, who conducted research on this disease on campus. Within a short time, I was appointed as the Public Relations Committee Chair for this event. It was my duty to educate my peers and fellow student organizations about this rare disease, the recent medical breakthroughs to treat it, and to encourage their participation in the walk. The first Great Strides Walk-a-thon for Cystic Fibrosis hosted by ... succeeded in collecting a notable amount of funds that went toward the treatments of cystic fibrosis patients.

Last year, I applied to several PA programs, but was not offered admission. The initial disappointment served as a bigger motivation to continue pursuing my goal. The directors encouraged me to experience more direct patient care and take more science courses to elevate my grade point average. I was driven to take full advantage of the next year to be more involved in medical settings to continue learning about the field and how vital the PA is in patient care.

In order to expose myself to a wider variety of patient cases, I focused on getting more experience in the fast-paced emergency and urgent care settings, where no two days were ever the same. I completed an emergency medical technician (EMT) course, which allowed me to obtain my current position as a clinical assistant at Urgent Medical Center My duties include taking patients' medical histories and vital signs, and relaying the information to the PAs and doctor on staff. Being a member of the heath care team provided me with a better understanding of patient care and the personal fulfillment it brings. In order to expand my medical knowledge, I have been accepted to the Biomedical Science Master's program at .... The coursework offers a variety of classes, which directly relate to my interests.

My experiences demonstrate that I have the dedication to continue helping those in need as a PA. As a PA, I will help alleviate the overload of the healthcare system by providing cost-effective quality care. I look forward to the future opportunities I will have to care for my patients. According to certain recent sources, Emergency Medical Services in South Florida is considering transporting non-emergent patients to PAs at clinic to relieve the stress experienced by emergency room staffs. To be a PA means that I will help to fill the gap that exists in primary care.

[lk87]

this sounds more like a resume to me than a PS

[FarahAli]

How can you see the World Trade Center site from the Bronx? I couldn't even see it, and I'm in Manhattan.