would you mind reading my ps

[splash333]

would someone mind reading my essay, it's my first time applying and

I would appreciate feedback,

 

When I first started my undergraduate degree at Cuyahoga Community College I knew I wanted to pursue a career in medicine and healthcare. I sought after a career where I could help people and be able to contribute to improving peoples’ lives. Uncertain of what direction life would take me I decided to pursue a health science degree while I explored the opportunities which interested me. I carried as much as 23 and 25 credits a semester and always strived to maintain a high level of academic achievement. At one point I even held a part time job as a package handler for Fedex at night, while I continued to go to school full time during the day. My hard work paid off when I completed my undergraduate degree in Health Sciences at Cleveland State University in only 2 and a half years in December of 2008, 10 days after I turned 20 years old. I ended up graduating with the highest honors and a 3.9 GPA.

After I graduated I had the opportunity to explore many different career opportunities. I began researching the career of a physician assistant, which was previously unfamiliar to me, and was instantly excited and interested. I knew it would be a career that would encompass all the things I loved learning about throughout college, and would also be a career that would bring me a life of personal fulfillment and growth. I have spent a significant amount of time learning about the physician assistant profession and find it interesting, challenging, and I believe that given the opportunity I could excel as a PA. I know that as a PA I will constantly be challenged and I am ready to accept this challenge.

Over the last year I have been finishing the prerequisites and I have also spent time shadowing several Physician Assistants in different specialties. After shadowing in a variety of settings I realized that a career as a PA would be a great fit for me. My shadowing experiences thus far have far exceeded my expectations. I had the opportunity to shadow Rashell Kimble who is a Physician Assistant working in general surgery. I was very impressed with the amount of knowledge and expertise she demonstrated after only a year and a half working in general surgery. I had the chance to observe Dr. Guttman perform several surgeries with the assistance of Ms. Kimble. I was very excited to get this opportunity since this was one of the specialties which I was very interested in pursuing. I was very impressed with the PA’s level of involvement in the procedure and great level of ability in supporting the surgeon. It was very apparent how the PA played a very important and significant role. I really enjoyed the way the surgeon and PA functioned as a team working together during surgery. Overall the time I have spent shadowing and my first hand experiences of the Physician assistant profession have strengthened my confidence and determination in my pursuit of the Physician Assistant profession and have made me more committed to pursuing this as a career.

Ever since I graduated from high school I have wanted to join the Air Force, although I also wanted to complete my education. I always believed in the spirit of camaraderie, teamwork, mission, and the ability to serve ones‘ country. Thus, after I become a Physician Assistant, it is my hope to earn a commission as an officer in the Air Force. In addition to the training, experience, and leadership I have always felt being in the military would be a very rewarding career. I feel it is a great opportunity to serve where you are needed and can make a significant difference. I know it will be the experience of a lifetime and an opportunity to meet amazing people. I look forward to this adventure where I can use my education to become part of something where I can work and contribute to something that is truly meaningful to me.

I am very excited to further my education at Tri-C in the Physician Assistant program and I am eager to begin this journey.

[IdahoPA]

I'm tired so I apologize if this sounds less-than-eloquent. To be brutally honest, I didn't even finish reading it because I was boooooooored. If I were on the adcom I wouldn't remember you from any of the other 1000 applicants.

In the first paragraph you mention wanting to join the medical field to help others. Hell, the girl at McDonald's helps people. Why medicine? You also say you "explored opportunities" which interested you. Like what? You took archery? Biochem? Mime classes? When dealing with quantity (23 or 25 credits) you use "many" not "much."

2nd paragraph: again with the vague exploring of opportunities. If you're going to tell us you did something...tell us what you did. I'm glad to read that you did a lot of research. I dislike the repetitive use of "challenge."

3rd paragraph: I basically stopped reading this as it seemed redundant and didn't really tell me much about you. All I can add grammatically is that PA is written out as "physician assistant" without capital letters. Content-wise, shadowing a PA is a great idea, but shouldn't the focus of a good chunk of your paper.

Your PS should give the adcom a stellar idea of who you are and make them want to choose you out of everyone else. I don't know very much about you even after reading most of this. Have you worked in healthcare? If so, what did you do? What did you learn that is going to make you a good PA? If you haven't held a HC job, what were you doing instead?

Good luck! I hope you see my input as constructive as I intended, rather than harsh.